Esquire

by (@hallekiefer)

“What Distracts Me From My Reality Is Bigfoot”: Megan Fox’s 8 Weirdest New Esquire Quotes

Dang, son! Having spent the last few years (and at least one recent Esquire shoot) convincing the world that she is a world-class beauty, Megan Fox is finally ready to get weird in her new Esquire interview. From her intense religious views to her new son Noah to her decision to remove the Marilyn Monroe tattoo from her arm, Megan comes across as an early Angelina Jolie-style odd ball, and we like it. We’d also like to give props to writer Stephen Marche, who brings his own special brand of bizarre to the article. “All that remains of Marilyn is a few drops of black against skin that is the color the moon possesses in the thin air of northern winters,” March writes. Whaaaa? So bring on the vials full of blood, ya’lll! No, that’s already been done…vials full of poop? No, that’s going way too far. Though after reading Megan’s strangest quotes, we wouldn’t be that surprised…

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by (@JordanRuntagh)

45 Reasons Why Mila Kunis Earned Her Sexiest Woman Alive Title

Today Mila Kunis follows in the footsteps of mega hotties like Rihanna, Charlize Theron and Angelina Jolie as she assumes the title of Esquire’s Sexiest Woman Alive. That’s a pretty heady distinction, but there’s no doubt in our mind that she totally earned this honor. Don’t believe us? Well we’ve got 45 reasons right here that prove without a doubt that the lovely Miss Kunis is definitely the world’s sexiest woman this year, and possibly every year! Take a look…

1. She Saved A Dude’s Life

For real. When a man started seizing in her home, the actress busted out some quick EMT skills before the professionals arrived.

2. She Speaks Russian

Is there anything hotter than a woman speaking a foreign language? Yes: A woman speaking a foreign language while laying the smackdown. Sure, Russian may not be the international language of seduction. Yet Mila totally pulls it off.

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by (@missmuttoo)

Mila Kunis Is Esquire‘s Sexiest Woman Alive

Mila Kunis Is Esquire's Sexiest Woman Alive

Looks like the U.S. Esquire just edged out Cameron Diaz‘s Esquire U.K. cover, which, as you can see, is no easy feat. But they did it by pulling out a trump card which comes in the lissome form of Mila Kunis. Mila Kunis, without a top on. Are we surprised that she’s been named as their “Sexiest Woman Alive”? Hells to the no. Sorry, Cameron! We still love you. But here’s the thing about Mila. She’s not only drop-dead fine, she’s also hysterically funny. How much did you crack up at her character Jackie on That ’70s Show over the years?  And the only person who doesn’t think she is, is Mila herself, who revealed, “I think I stumbled upon doing funny things, but I’m not funny. I just know how to deliver a joke. There are people who naturally exude humor and are constantly saying funny things, and there are the people who know how to deliver a joke. It’s a learned skill. Through twenty years of doing this, I practice it. I think that the second you think that you’re funny is when you stop being funny.” This was said in an interview that was split over L.A. and New York and covered everything from politics to her involvement in political street-art, which she cant talk about, “because it’s illegal,” to her immigration story. It’s a big one, and it almost makes you forget that she’s on the cover, with her bare back, looking suggestively at the camera. We said almost.

[Photo via Esquire]

by (@missmuttoo)

Cameron Diaz “Feels Better At 40″ And Looks It Too On Esquire Cover

Cameron Diaz 'Esquire' November Cover

Dude. Seriously. That’s Cameron Diaz‘s November cover for Esquire U.K. Click on the Esquire link at your own risk, because the first look, well, looks in plural, of her in the magazine are likely to induce a heart attack. To say that they’re NSFW is an understatement because you will be greeted by Cameron in a black leather corset with garters and a leather suspender belt. And leather boots. There’s a lot of leather, and she’s freaking rocking it. The shots that follow are of a red-lipped Cameron with mussed hair, opening up her denim shirt to give the world in general a peek at her black-and-pink satin lingerie set, garter belt included again. Or her squatting down in teeny-tiny booty shorts. Or with her black bikini top peeking out of an artfully ripped white tank over black hotpants. You get the picture. There’s a hell of a lot of skin, but with the body that Cameron has, why would anyone want to wear clothing anyway? And here’s the quote that makes us want to run on treadmill (not really, but we might) till we get those thighs. Cameron tells the magazine, “For the first time in my life I’m content. I’m so excited. Getting older is the best part of life. Like, I know more than I’ve ever known. I have gratitude. I know myself better. I feel more capable than ever. And as far as the physicality of it — I feel better at 40 than I did at 25.” Yes, she’s 40. Forget the treadmill, we’re just going to curl up in bed and shrivel up instead.

[Photo via Esquire/Examiner]

by (@missmuttoo)

Ashley Greene Lounges Around In Lingerie For Esquire

Ashley Greene In Esquire

Do you think that this entire exercise was an excuse to get Ashley Greene into her underwear? We think it may have been. Esquire released this piece about the actress yesterday and yes there’s a whole profile, but the photographs are completely kicking the article’s ass in the center-stage department. There are some black-and-white shots that are stop-in-your-tracks gorgeous, as you can see on the left. Yes, she’s in her skivvies with a shirt artfully thrown over. Then there’s the photograph on the right where she’s trussed up in some really sexy lingerie. Jeebus, does that girl shoot well or what! And it’s not like she doesn’t look gorgeous with her clothes on, either. Remember Ashley’s Fall 2012 DKNY campaign? If she ever feels the whole acting thing isn’t working out, she could always model. Tom Chiarella, the writer, seems to be as in love with her as most of the planet is, as well. “She touches the end of her hair, flicks the silky weight of it over her shoulder, and looks in like she’s sharing a secret” and “Her teeth shine, her hair falls straight and true on the nape of her neck, her glance tilts a bit downward” are a few of the phrases used. You can almost hear him sighing. If you’d like to sigh at more of her pictures, then never fear, we have one more right after the jump that’ll do quite nicely.  Read more…

by (@hallekiefer)

Rihanna Gets Topless For Her Esquire UK Cover, New Perfume Campaign, And Just Because

Rihanna Topless On Esquire UK Cover

It’s gotten to the point that we’ve honestly forgotten what Rihanna looks like wearing a shirt. She probably looks…good? We imagine? Riri looks great not wearing a shirt obviously, which is probably why her Week of Nakedness continues today with photos of her upcoming Esquire UK photo spread. “Ain’t like me, dat bitch too phony,” the singer boasts along with photos of herself clad in black lingerie, whistle and/or military dog tags, which we guess could technically count as 1/50 of a shirt? Maybe? As for her cover photo, RiRi says, “They can say whateva, ima do whatever.” Yeah, we guess “whateva” rarely requires you to wear a turtleneck…


On the other hand, if we had to compare them RiRi’s Esquire pics are downright demure next to those in her nude perfume campaign, posted by her pal Melissa Forde. “I got a big shoot tomorrow for a surprise fragrance for my ladies called… NUDE! Bye bye dreadz, for NOW!” Rihanna tweeted about the pics. “Oh, and clothes,” she added. “Bye bye clothes, for EVER!” Okay, so Rihanna didn’t say actually that last part with words. But she did said it with her totally commitment to nudity. She said it…with her totally topless heart.

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by (@missmuttoo)

Bruce Wills Adds A Shot Of Testosterone To The Cover Of Esquire

Bruce Willis Covers Esquire

This interview — and it’s a long one, folks — was clearly written before Bruce Willis’ wife, Emma Heming Willis, gave birth. “All I want right now is to be with her, to stare at her belly,” he tells the interviewer. Right now, all he wants to do, probably, is to stare at his newborn daughter, Mabel Rae, of which a twitpic has already been posted by Emma. Adorable! But, this wasn’t the situation when Bruce sat down for this interview which accompanies his cover shot of Esquire’s June-July issue. This chat is all about the movies. But on another note, we’d like to add that we appreciate the styling of the cover. It’s simple and classic with a T-shirt and boots by John Varvatos, Calvin Klein jeans and a Paul Smith belt. No frills, no fuss. Sounds like Bruce!

He’s a very, very busy man these days. Apart from being a new dad, he’s got five films out this year — Wes Anderson‘s Moonrise Kingdom, G.I. Joe: Retaliation, The Expendables 2,The Cold Light of Day with Sigourney Weaver, and Looper, a “return for Willis to visionary science fiction.” He’s also going to start filming the fifth installment of  Die Hard. “I had to think about what I won’t say,” Willis states, “as much as considering what I think is important about the work of these movies.” But then, the interviewer, Tom Chiarella, finally gets an in when Bruce reveals, “I’ve been through enough of these, enough of these to know. I get cranked up, I start talking about Hollywood and what’s wrong with what. Or politics. I might start in on Mitt Romney.” Willis talking movies and talking Romney? It’s a must-read.

[Photo via Gossip Center]

by (@hallekiefer)

Evan Rachel Wood Vamps For Esquire, Opens Up About Dating Women

While these dark, sexy Evan Rachel Wood Esquire photos might suggest the actress is still stuck in her Marilyn Manson phase, in every other way, The Ideas of March star seems dead-set on stepping out of her ex’s terrifying shadow. Having already professed her love for Justin Bieber’s Never Say Never and gotten rave reviews in the HBO miniseries Mildred Pierce with Kate Winslet, Evan seems to have pulled a 180 when it comes to her type of romantic partner. “Yeah, I’m more kind of like the guy when it comes to girls. I’m the dominant one,” Wood explains about dating women as of late. “I’m opening the doors, I’m buying dinner. Yeah, I’m romantic.” Next thing you know, Wood will be starring in a rom-com with Katherine Heigl or voicing the next Disney princess, or, who knows, not getting more tattoos on the inside of her mouth (read the article; we wish we were joking). Here’s to turning over a new, less eyeliner-smudged leaf!

[Photos: Esquire]

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by (@hallekiefer)

Brooklyn Decker Hits The Sheets In Esquire

brooklyn_decker_esquire_cover

Wife of Andy Roddick Brooklyn Decker bares almost all in February’s Esquire hitting news stands next Tuesday. As banging as her body definitely is, Decker has discussed her past eating disorders, explaining “I was always with other aspiring models. There were bingers and purgers, and everyone watched each other eat. It freaked me out. My father did an intervention and got me to stop obsessing about everyone else and wrecking my body.” Given that she’s also starring in the upcoming film Just Go with It with Adam Sandler, we’re hoping that helps Decker realize people can see her as more than a pretty face or expertly-filled out bikini.

As if this eyeful of her isn’t enough, Esquire also has an Brooklyn Decker app that can make the model appear anywhere you hold up your phone, which we hope is more than just a painful reminder that we will never be within 15 feet of anywhere Brooklyn Decker is standing.

[Photos: Esquire.com]

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by (@hallekiefer)

Minka Kelly Loves Her Stripper Mom

minkakellyedited

To paraphrase Chris Rock, your only goal as a parent is to keep your daughter off the pole. But if you’re already on the pole, getting your daughter into Esquire and on TV seems pretty good too! As she reveals in the latest issue, Esquire’s Sexiest Woman Alive Minka Kelly’s mom was a stripper…and the Friday Night Lights actress wouldn’t have it any other way. Says Minka, “She was a stripper. It was all about what we could do to have fun with nothing. She would come home at like three, four o’clock in the morning, and she would wake me up in the middle of the night and we’d go grocery shopping.”  And some moms make Rice Krispies treats!  People have all different ideas about what’s fun.

“My mom lived a fast life,” Kelly explains, “That was so much fun. We would have a blast and buy a hundred dollars in groceries. It was just the best day ever.” The 30-year-old girlfriend of Derek Jeter also recounts how she almost got free breast implants, but decided at the last minute that, duh, she was already supernaturally attractive. When you basically look like the prettiest cheerleader in school times ten, massive boobs are really just overkill. [Photo: Esquire]