by (@katespencer)

Nicole To Adopt, Avoid Getting Fat Again

Nicole Richie is desperate for a second child – one that doesn’t grown in her uterus for nine months, causing cravings for Taco Bell and pounds of cheddar cheese. Yep, Nic has finally figured out a way to maintain her skinny physique and indulge her maternal urges: adoption! It’d be an ingenious plan, if Angelina Jolie hadn’t thought of it first. In her defense, the actress(?) has been doing a lot of charity work with underprivileged and homeless kids, and is “seriously looking into it and asking a lot of questions about adopting.”

Someone call Paris Hilton – Nicole’s about to one up her again!  [Photo: WireImage]

by (@katespencer)

The Olsen Twins Are More Boring Than You

Feeling bad about yourself because your Friday night plans include the first season of Gossip Girl on DVD, an order of saag paneer, and that really nice bottle of Trader Joe’s wine that you’ve been saving? Well get ready for your ego to inflate – because your life is officially more interesting than the Olsen twins‘ Hollywood existence! Mary-Kate and Ashley sat down with Oprah Winfrey yesterday to promote their new book, Influence, and all we learned is that they rise early, live apart, and eat bagels and omelettes for breakfast. That’s it. Apparently Oprah thought that the twins were born in 2008, and skipped over all those juicy skeletons they keep crammed in their walk-in closets: Mary-Kate’s eating disorder, her involvement in Heath Ledger‘s death, their many drunk Hollywood nights, and the beds full of $1000 bills that they sleep in at night. Okay, the last one was made up by yours truly, but it wouldn’t surprise us if it was true.

Feel like snoozing? The most boring clip of all can be found here.  [Photo: WireImage]

by (@katespencer)

Mr. Blackwell Dies, Worst-Dressed Stars Secretly Relieved

Mr. Blackwell, the 86-year-old fashion critic who trashed A-List celebrities and their ridiculous red-carpet getups, died yesterday of an intestinal infection. His name was synonymous with his annual Worst-Dressed List, which was notorious for cruelly mocking the failed fashion choices of Hollywood’s biggest names. Some of our favorite criticisms include:

  • Mary-Kate Olsen: “She resembles a tattered toothpick trapped in a hurricane.”
  • Christina Aguilera: “Is she a boring and body-baring bungle — or just auditioning for ‘Sheena, Queen of the Jungle?'”
  • Mariah Carey: “Shrink-wrapped cheesecake.”

Today we remember Mr. Blackwell for his hard work and innovation in the field of crushing celebrity egos. He will be sorely missed (by everyone but the stars).

[Photos: GettyImages, WireImage]


Breasts On The Runway: Nonja McKenzie Show Gets A Nipple Slip

There were a lot of low, low necklines at the Nonja McKenzie show yesterday, which is both good and bad for the models. Good? Everybody’s looking at you. Bad? They’re hoping for a tit to pop out. And one did!

Yup, either a model’s breast done got away from her flimsy top or McKenzie’s selling the latest in expensive slutty bathrobes. Best Week Ever cracked “Does it come in a size Whore?”, and it does look rather Taxi Driver. But then all of McKenzie’s clothes scream “let’s do coke with Bianca Jagger at Studio 54!”

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen: Barf In Black

A blue scarf dangling under a black suit jacket, no pants, and black thigh-high boots. Black heels, black leggings, a black bustier, and a black trenchcoat. Are two third-graders playing dress-up in their parents’ closet? No! Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are presenting their clothing line at Selfridges in London!

The pair donned their finest wtf to stand with models and friends almost a foot taller than them—including fellow fashion victim Pixie Geldof—and show off the latest designs for Elisabeth And James, their upscale fashion line. Why do they get to dress up models when they can’t even dress themselves?

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Dita Von Teese: Single, Allowing Men To “Bring Her Pleasure”

Dita Von Teese, who celebrated her birthday on Saturday during Paris fashion week, recently reflected on her love life with The Observer. According to Von Teese, she’s “single for the first time,” and “allowing men to bring me a lot of pleasure.” What does that mean, exactly? At the same time? “None of [my idols], I realized, had just one important relationship. They all had many great loves, and that made me more accepting of my relationship defeats and failures.”

Failures like ex-husband Marilyn Manson, for instance, that can drive her to brief flirtations with lesbianism. “I wish I knew what men wanted. They seem to love an independent woman until they lose control of her. I went through a short period of having relationships with women, but it was more about my retaliation against a boyfriend whose attention I couldn’t keep. It was complicated. I realized I wasn’t cut out for it.”

So what exactly is she looking for? “All my friends were in love with Johnny Depp, and I never got it until I met him, and realized he was the most fascinating man on the face of the planet. Sure, he’s dashing, but he, and George Clooney, too, both have that old-fashioned glamor of a man like Rudolph Valentino.” If Dita Von Teese can’t find a dashing, fascinating man with old-fashioned glamor who will love an independent woman for life, it’s unlikely anyone could.

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Kate Moss Finally Runs Out Of Fashion Ideas

We don’t know about you, but when we were 10, our idea of the ultimate in a cool look was a direct copy of Olivia Newton John at the end of Grease. A cropped leather jacket with big lapels? Big, teased hair? A sulky “yeah, so what” sneer? All present and correct for the pre-teen who wants to look like they might have an ounce of rebellion in them. Grrr.

And at 34 years old, Kate Moss has discovered this look, too. No matter she’s the woman who pioneered edgy British fashion, and is held up as a natural style icon for the world to see. No, when the going gets tough, it’s good to see that even Kate digs out her old videos for inspiration. [Photo: WireImage]

by (@katespencer)

Pictures Of Naked Tyson Beckford’s Penis Not As Sexy As You’d Think

We were pretty psyched to be tasked with delving deep into the world of Tyson Beckford‘s genitalia. After all, he’s like the hottest supermodel human ever, and who doesn’t like a midday peen break? The pics in question hit the web in August, and were apparently taken at a Marie Claire party down in Australia (see above for a pre-peen shot). The new pics of his package, however, seem to have just popped up today. In the photos, Tyson is inexplicably in a towel and then things go down. You know, like his towel.

But alas! The man piece is kinda blurred out in some pictures, and all we end up getting a good look at is his impressive crop of pubic hair. Which, you know, will suffice for the purpose of our “getting it on with Tyson” fantasies. We’d just hoped for some harder photographic evidence of the hotness that surely extends below the belt.

Wanna see Tyson’s full frontal shot? Click here, but be warned, they are not safe for work! We’ve got some shots of him pre-towel drop below that are still a bit NSFW. Enjoy! [Photo: GettyImages]

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by (@katespencer)

Rachel Bilson Launches Clothing Line In Unfashionable Hat

Rachel Bilson‘s only credential for “designing” clothes is that she wears them, but for some reason this chick got her own line. We’ve peeped the goods online and they look like every other cheap celebrity-branded clothing line – boring, poorly made and fugly. She launched the line, dubbed Edie Rose, this weekend at a Macy’s in Florida, and amazingly the worst piece wasn’t one of her designs, it was the teeny-tiny hat she decided to wear. It’s always disturbing when celebs smugly show off a fashion flub that they’re so clearly proud of – Rachel thinks she looks trendy and adorable, when really she looks like a very pretty old man.

More pics of her poor choice below.  [Photos: WireImage]