fashion

by (@katespencer)

Jessica Simpson: Frumpy Outfits, Fugly Faces

Jessica Simpson showed up to perform on Good Morning America yesterday (pictured, left) dressed like a QVC host who makes a living hawking porcelain dolls to grandmothers in Arkansas. Technical difficulties (besides her voice) plagued the performance, causing her to stick her tongue out as if she were licking an invisible ice cream cone (or something else we’re too classy to reference).

Over the past few weeks, Jessica’s been out and about contorting her face while flaunting a wardrobe that’s straight off the Fashion Barn sale rack. Check her out below screeching in concert in a eyelet lace corset, flannel and chunk bejeweled belt. It’s a look best left to the Warrant groupies of yesteryear, but Jess can’t control herself (or her tongue). It’s not that we want to admire Ashlee as the best-dressed Simpson, but Jessica is leaving us no choice.

Proof below.

[Photos: Getty Images]

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Nicole Richie: Earth Mother

Nicole Richie‘s fashion choices have been moving towards the free and flowery of late, but yesterday she looked like she was off to Monterey Pop. First she spent the day in midtown NYC, wearing loose tie-dye and bleached out cut-offs. Even daughter Harlow—who couldn’t be cuter—got in the mood with a flower print dress. Then mom stepped off to Fashion Week, where she replaced her hippie braids with a sequined headband that failed to distract from her drab white tank-top and fake leather tulip skirt (which may have once been a beanbag). It was very Helter Skelter meets Xanadu, and very wrong. Maybe her taste (if we can call it that) for Cali retro will inspire Good Charlotte to record a freak folk album. [Photos: Splash News Online; Getty Images]

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Victoria Beckham Is Waifing For Her Man

Woah, when did Winona Ryder get glamorous? Wait a sec, that’s Victoria Beckham! Looks like Posh is aiming for that gamine/waif/pixie hall of fame alongside Ryder, Mia Farrow, Jean Seberg and Audrey Hepburn. With Beckham bringing some glamour to the cut again, we might be looking at a the beginning of a revival. Ladies, call your stylists now!

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When Fashion Does Not Rock

What was being served at Conde Nast’s Fashion Rocks Concert? Helluva way to kick off NY Fashion Week! Not only were the celebs rocking whack duds, many also seemed VERY out of it. Take a look below.

[Photos: Getty Images]

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Hollywood’s 16 Hottest Celesbians

Between Katy Perry kissing girls (and liking it), Lindsay and Samantha pledging their love via MySpace messages, and Penelope Cruz‘s tonsil hockey session with Scarlett Johansson in this summer’s Vicky Cristina Barcelona, girl-on-girl action appears to be the latest Hollywood trend. From the obviously out (Tila) to the maybe-the-world’s-just-wishing (Jessica Biel), check out Hollywood’s 16 hottest celesbians.

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Get A Whiff Of The Beckhams

David and Victoria Beckham are using their international sex appeal to peddle perfume (again) to both men and women. Signature for Him and Signature for Her will be in upscale department stores imminently. According to a blog about perfume, “Him” has a “fresh woody oriental smell.” We here at Scandalist believe that failing to include a faint note of the sweat from his jockstrap is a missed opportunity in what could have been a successful marketing campaign. “Her” includes notes of anise flower, candy apple, patchouli, amber and musk. What? No silicone-scented cantaloupes? If you’re not sold on the video ad below, then you can always fall back on the eau de parfums of Mariah Carey, Jennifer Lopez or Sarah Jessica Parker. [Photo: W Magazine]

After the jump, bonus pic.

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CNN: Porn Web-Surfers Can Rest Easy, Dress Classy

Great news, porn-lovers! CNN reported recently about “In-Private Browsing”, a new feature that’s part of Microsoft’s Internet Explorer 8. The feature is not new to web-surfers, Apple’s Safari browser also has the option to privately browse, commonly referred to as “porn mode” because it allows users to completely erase their browsing history after an internet session. What’s even better about the article (yes, it gets better than guiltlessly searching fuckaroo.org) is that you can turn it into a T-shirt. Finally, a one-stop shop for news and 100% Cotton Tees. All shirts are time-stamped for real CNN authenticity, too. As much as we love the “porn mode” shirt, the one we’re really holding out for is “Jesus’ image seen on wings of a moth“. Clothes are all about versatility and it’s about time someone combined casual comfort with late-breaking news.

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Gunn Calls ‘Em Like He Sees ‘Em

Project Runway‘s Tim Gunn has a sixth sense when it comes to fashion, and to receive his sartorial advice is an honor … unless he deems you a disaster. While Gunn isn’t setting himself up to be a harsh critic like Mr. Blackwell and his famous worst-dressed list, he has been doling out his opinions to anyone who asks lately.

When asked to compare and contrast potential First Ladies, Gunn tells Us magazine: “No contest, Michelle [Obama]. She epitomizes class and American style. She looks approachable. [Cindy McCain] on the other hand — with her button-down suits and blouses — looks like she’s duct-taped. Her fashion is a metaphor for her personality.”

On Katie Holmes recent outbreak of boyfriend-jean-itis (the pegged look we all rocked in sixth grade): “I have to say, Katie Holmes has become so much more sophisticated in so many ways, but I think she’s in a dip right now. I can’t explain it. She ascended from this tomboyish waif look to an incredible sexy sophisticate. We realize how much style she’s capable of. I don’t get it.”

And expounding on Hannah Montana herself, Gunn says: “(Miley Cyrus) is just a little too tarty, forgive me. I don’t want her to look like she’s going into a convent school, but it’s just a little too much for a 15-year-old. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear she was 25.”

Thank God we have Tim around to say what we’re all thinking. As a bonus, he also tells OK! a juicy tidbit about Runway and one of it’s more entertaining contestants this season, grommet-pounding leather-lover, Stella: “We have Stella and her ‘leatha.’ She’s got to get away from that, and she’s constantly defending, ‘That’s what I do.’ Then you’re nothing but a one-note. You better get prepared to pack your bags.” [Photo: Getty Images]

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Vanessa Minnillo Shows Off Her Legs (And A Mystery Man?) In NYC

Rumors are catching fire that Nick Lachey and longtime girlfriend Vanessa Minnillo are on a one way trip to splitsville. Lachey started dating Minnillo in 2006 after separating from then wife Jessica Simpson. There were rumblings after The National Enquirer reported that the couple allegedly were seen having a blowout before entering a LA restaurant last month. In April, Lachey’s representative told Us Magazine the account is “not true,” but tongues were wagging yesterday after Minnillo was spotted with a “mystery man” in NYC.

He looks as plastic as Nick and he’s confident enough to wear a pink shirt, so he might just have a chance with the brunette Barbie. Don’t go into mourning for the twosome quite yet, a source told Usmagazine.com, “They are 100 percent together and fine and in love.” The insider said the couple took a “romantic trip” to NYC last weekend. Nick was also pretty hardcore about denying break-up rumors about him and his ex-wife Simpson, so anything’s possible. [Photo: Splash News Online]