Courtney Love is not a foodie, you guys. She might be a rock star, a foodie, a Twitter troll and a questionably fit mother, but she is not the kind of person who is going to lie about how much potato salad she eats. “I’m not a foodie,” Love told Grub Street while writing her fascinating food diary for the site. “But I am a foodie.” The whole thing is insane/worth a read, but because we love you and value your time, we plucked the five most tender, succulent tidbits for your enjoyment. On a related note, no wonder Frances Bean is now in charge of the money earned by Kurt Cobain‘s publicity rights. Dean & Deluca pot pies every day would really add up! Boy, if we were rich…we would probably eat the exact same things.
Courtney starts her day with breakfast, just like everyone else: “Every day I have my house manager, Hershey — who I stole from the Mercer Hotel with André Balazs‘s blessing — wake me up with a hot washcloth for my face, a leg rub, and a plate of toast soldiers.”
Courtney learned everything know knows about baked goods from a dear friend: “One thing from living next to Paris Hilton in L.A. … she always had a fresh cake in her house. So I make sure someone gets a full, fresh new one every day, like marzipan. My house manager tries to put it in the fridge, but I don’t like refrigeration.”
Courtney’s sugar cravings take a village: “When I lived at the Mercer Hotel, they literally called an admin meeting on how to make the perfect warm sugar cookie for me in the middle of the night.”
Courtney is not a huge fan of chocolate: “I hate chocolate. F— chocolate. Kurt hated chocolate, too — that was one of the things we had in common. Chocolate makes it all too easy. Oooh. Woww. Chocolate. Oooh. Yum. F— that.”
Rich people have secret awesome booze that none of us will ever, ever get to drink: “I’m not a big drinker, but Bono once gave me a bottle of Pétrus in France. It gets you so stoned in a really opiated way, like you’d just taken a Vicodin. A month later I found out it cost $12K! But before that, I was like, “Dude, they should get that to the junkies!””
Look, sure, we’ve all been tempted to eat junk food until we pass out. Just most of us don’t literally do it. That being said, apparently Selena Gomez’s hospital stay for “malnourishment” was the direct result of going crazy in the candy aisle. Ã¢â‚¬Å“I do eat,” Gomez explained on Kidd Kraddick‘s radio show in Texas this morning, with regards to her visit to the doctor. “The problem is I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t eat right. I love everything thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s possibly not good for me.” You see Selena, the things at the top of the food pyramid are actually the worst food for you. We understand the confusion; it’s a huge design flaw.
While Selena Gomez’s junk food diet might have helped send her to the E.R., Selena credits her “Supermom” with trying to feed her foodstuffs that are not pocket- or rope-shaped. “SheÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s definitely shoving vitamins down my mouth and following me around,” Selena says of her mother. “But at the same time, I was a stubborn kid, so I got to eat whatever I wanted. I have to have creamed spinach or cheese on my broccoli. I have to have something that makes it not healthy.” Selena also gushed about her favorites from the “chocolate-coated” section of the pyramid: “I love M&Ms, Kit Kats, Snickers and Goobers at the movies.” If anything, we’re even more impressed with Selena’s quick recovery, knowing that her bones are made of of 95% Butterfinger.
We in no way want to discourage people from buying Sheryl Crow’s cookbook. The woman is 49 and has a body of a 20-year-old pro tennis player; we certainly can’t argue with her teaming up with chef Chuck White to promote whatever magic elixir has her looking so phenomenal. That being said, the title of Crow’s book is, at best, what you’d imagine her cookbook would be called on MADtv: “If If Makes You Healthy.” Oh girl, that’s hilarious. So hilarious in fact, that we brainstormed some titles for her future healthy cooking endeavors:
The First Cut Is The Quiche-est
All I Wanna Do (Is Lose Some Weight)
Soak Up The Yum
Every Day Is A Winding Road (To The Gym)
My Favorite Milk-Shake
A Change (In Your Eating Habits) Would Do You Good
Strong Enough To Be My Flan
Ugh, does this mean we have to scrap plans for our upcoming candy cookbook, “If It Makes You Taffy?” In addition to whipping America into shape using amazing puns, Sheryl Crow joins Kid Rock‘s tour this summer, where they will hopefully perform a rendition of their duet “Picture (Of Sheryl Crow’s Totally Ripped Abs).”
Celebrities are often seen lurking courtside at the Staples Center for L.A. Lakers games. Sometimes you get your traditional cool celebs like Jack Nicholson and Leo DiCaprio just chillin’ in the stands, sometimes you get the mind-blowing combination of Chloe Sevigny and Pauly D, and sometimes you get a bunch of people who are so starving they don’t care who sees them stuff their faces. At last night’s game, there must have been something in the air that was making people feel hunger pangs, because everyone was chowing down. Take a look at who was eating what as the Lakers defeated the Cavs.
This year, Jessica Simpson’s vegan Thanksgiving plans with fiance Eric Johnson mark the first Turkey Day the two will have spent together as a couple…as well as the first where Jessica didn’t get to tear into a warm, delicious turkey like a rabid raccoon. While on Jimmy Fallon’s show last night, Simpson complained, “After getting out of the NFL, [Eric] went to this healer and is very healthy. For Thanksgiving we have to make a Tofurkey! It doesn’t sound right! It’s gonna be jiggly and weird.” Jeez, Jessica, just suffer through one day of tofu and you can go back to normal, non-jiggly meat foods. Like hot dogs. Besides, there’s always vegan pie. Just eat 12 slices. We’ll be doing that anyway, and we’re not even vegan!
Simpson also explained that where she’s from, “veganism” actually translates into “bacon on the side, please.” While Jessica admits “when [Eric] cooks vegan, it’s good,” she explains,”I’m from Texas Ã¢â‚¬â€œ I’d fry a steak. We eat all casseroles and giblets!” We hope the happy couple has a great holiday, but even more than that we hope Jessica enjoys her first Thanksgiving meal where one of her relatives’ hearts doesn’t burst like a water balloon from a massive giblet overdose.
We’ve always known that Gavin Rossdale is a Mr. Mom. Rossdale, a.k.a. Mr. Gwen Stefani, a.k.a. the frontman of Bush (all the kids born in the nineties are like “There’s a band named after the president?”) hasn’t made an album since 2005, but really, when you’re married to Gwen Stefani, who needs to work? So he always appears to be happily hanging out with kids Zuma and Kingston in L.A. and London but in his down time, he’s apparently been honing is culinary skills.
Allegedly, Rossdale is in talks with the Food Network to host his own show. It seems that Rossdale became “a super chef while [Gwen] was pregnant with the couple’s first child Kingston.” Stefani has also said about her husband’s talent “He is so passionate about it. He cooks every day. He loves to go grocery shopping and find different things. I’m really lucky.” So while the idea seems to come out of left field, we can’t say we’d be upset to see a hot British guy on the Food Newtork, especially if it means losing one of Rachael Ray‘s 95 shows. And if Gwen an the kids stop by for tastings, even better.
And it’s as gross, confusing and adorable as you would expect, as Snooki tweets the pickle pancake her unnamed mystery boyfriend cooked for her. Do we even need to say barf? In case we do: barf. Twitter-squeals Snickers, “Omg my boyfriend made me a pickle pancake…yeahhhh he’s amazing!” Few can forget our first glimpse of Snickers in the pilot episode of Jersey Shore, happily clutching a glistening, briny pickle betwixt her eight-inch-long frosted acrylics and munching away. We know we personally have been going to therapy for months to try to move past it! We still can’t sleep through the night!
After her long and storied romantic history of fame-whores, epic creepers and (we’re assuming) John McCain, it’s super sweet to see girlfriend with a man who seems to truly get her. That being said, we the viewing audience are now are faced with two equally horrifying options. One, Snooki is actually going to eat that thing. And immediately die, if we had to guess. Two, Snickers is just messing with us and her man-friend is playing off her well-known fondness for the phallic green treat. Which means that the pancakes are…ironic? And Snooki is…in on the joke? No, it can’t be. Someone from Jersey Shore is becoming self-aware? IS THIS REAL LIFE? [Photo: Snooki’s Twitter]
In today’s Spotted, we have one pop star going to see another’s show and a singer dining at her favorite New York City spot! See who The FABlife spotted and contribute your own celebrity sightings by e-mailing us here.
Our friend Adam who works over at Gizmodo was granted the greatest gift of all time – a giant f*cking Cheeto – which he then devoured over his fancy-pants expensive computer keyboard. Lucky for us, he documented the entire thing in the video above, and it’s not pretty (unless, of course, you dream of being covered in delicious fake cheese flavoring). When Britney Spears finds out about this, she’s gonna rip out her hair extensions in a jealous fit of rage.
Adam was kind enough to grant us an exclusive interview over IM about his feat – which took him over sixty minutes to accomplish. Read on for all the dirt on what eating a giant Cheeto is really like!
TheFabLife: How did you get the giant Cheeto? Adam: The Cheetos PR people gave it to me. Apparently they’re now selling golf ball sized Cheetos and made this for publicity. As far as I know, it’s the only one. At least I hope it is. TheFabLife: How long did it take you to eat? Adam: About an hour. TheFabLife: Last question, describe the taste of the giant Cheeto in three words. Adam: Stale Styrofoam Sh*t. It really did taste like Styrofoam. In the middle, where there’s no orange, there’s no cheese flavor…so it’s flavorless and just gross texture.
Dominos Pizza has apologized for the asinine actions of two employees who videotaped themselves sticking food up their nose and sneezing and farting on meals they were preparing. The pair was promptly fired, and now the fast food chain is reportedly filing a criminal complaint against the two idiots, with police issuing a felony warrant for their arrest. Their crime? Grossing out the entire country. The pizza pros are also apparently pursuing a civil suit against the bored booger-pickers.
You can watch their masterpiece above – just make sure you’re not about to eat pizza.
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