What more can one say about this? It’s Michael Fassbender, staring at you with those icy blue eyes, on the cover of the June edition of GQ. It’s enough to make you go completely slack-jawed. When we recovered enough to start writing this piece, our research took us to the his photo shoot inside the magazine. Bad move. Because it took us another 15 minutes to recover. It’s pretty hot, guys. There’s a reason why the cover line says, “Amp Up Your Sex Appeal — Learn From This Guy — Michael Fassbender.” The interview itself is a bit old, even though the cover shot is very new. It’s a fab piece, still, in which Michael talks about his love for metal and how he looked the part back in the day — “I had long hair, down to here … [he says, holding his hand level with his chest] …ten-hole Doc Martens, and combat shorts cut at the knee.” But if that’s distracting you from looking at the photographs, don’t bother. We totally understand!
Jessica Simpson has made a second career out of ripping farts and making barfs and telling us all about them, so why should the gift of motherhood change her beautiful openness in any way? “I feel like I have a bowling ball sitting on my hoo-ha!” Jessica laughed about her massive baby belly on Jimmy Kimmel LIVE! last night. “Apparently I have a lot of amniotic fluid, so whenever my water breaks it will be like a fire hydrant!” Annnnnnd does anyone want the rest of our Jamba Juice? No, seriously, we aren’t going to finish it. Or any other liquid. Ever again.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Now, keeping that hilariously graphic mental image in mind, please listen to the (NSFW) verse Drake wrote specifically for his new GQ interview, during which he discusses his…uh…special relationship with Lil Wayne. “It’s just the industry’s small, we all lust for the same women,” he raps. “You know the ones we saw before we came in it, I know we aint tripping/ I know I got a couple things that Lil Wayne dipped in, ain’t ashamed to admit it.” Drake! Come on! First you romance us with wine and a waterfall, now you’re acting straight-up disgusting. We have to go take a shower forever, but in the meantime, tell us: which celeb story is more TMI?
Jennifer Aniston and Paul Rudd seem like such a natural fit, we’re surprised no one has started any salacious rumors about them. So don’t mind if we do! We’re kidding, of course; Paul has been happily married to wife Julie Yaeger since 2003. Damn you, Julie Yaegeeeer! Oh, sorry. What we meant to say was, in an alternate universe of our own making, Aniston and Rudd are posing shirtless together on a nightly basis, just as they did for this month’s GQ cover.
Despite the sexiness of their Terry Richardson photo shoot for the mag, there is so little going on between the Wanderlust co-stars that Jen and Paul can discuss having intimacies on the big screen with the same salaciousness most people reserve for flossing their teeth. “Nah. I’ve kissed him for years,” Jen tells their interviewer. Jokes Paul, “We’ve made out for decades.” If. Only. And just in case you were holding out hope for a few scandalous secrets between Jen and her manfriend Justin Theroux…you will be disappointed yet again. “I’m not having triplets. Not having twins. Nor am I having one baby,” Jen explains, even lifting her shirt to prove her stomach remains bumpless. “I did not elope.” Ah well, maybe in that alternate universe then. Or if Julie Yaeger is ever out of the picture. Hey, we said if!
When you think about Michelle Williams, some phrases that come to mind might be “pixie cut” or “Academy Award nominee” or “woman who was blessed enough to film a sex scene with Ryan Gosling.” So imagine our hotness-induced asthma attack when the only thing Williams’ new GQ cover made us think of was all the money we’re pouring into our gym membership…without ever going. As if we needed another pantless celebrity reminder.
“I wouldn’t say that that would be one of my first qualities as a human being — being sexy,” the My Week with Marilyn star admits to the magazine in her new interview. “And I think because my character on Dawson’s Creek was sexy…sexualized…sexual…I saw all the negative attention and connotations that can come along with that. And that those things can keep people from seeing you clearly.” Wearing a headband and long sleeves to the Golden Globes one day, posing sans clothing the next: oh no, we see you girl. On a side not, should we be doing crunches? Is that’s what’s going on here? What about Zumba? Really, any advice would be helpful at this point, Michelle.
GQ UK chose Daniel Craig for its January 2012 cover, and we can’t say we have any problem with that. And while it’s always interesting to read about his roles, whether James Bond or in the upcoming The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, the real sound bites in this interview have been his opinions about the Kardashians! He leads into it by talking about privacy, or the lack of it, saying, “It’s not about being afraid to be public with your emotions or about who you are and what you stand for. But if you sell it off, it’s gone. You can’t buy it back — you can’t buy your privacy back. Ooh, I want to be alone. F— you. We’ve been in your living room. We were at your birth. You filmed it for us and showed us the placenta, and now you want some privacy?”
And then he masterfully segues into the biggest examples he could think of to illustrate his point. Daniel held no punches as he added, “Look at the Kardashians, they’re worth millions. I don’t think they were that badly off to begin with but now look at them. You see that and you think, ‘What, you mean all I have to do is behave like a f—ing idiot on television and then you’ll pay me millions?’ I’m not judging it — well, I am obviously.” Who thinks we’re going to hear from one of the Kardashians very soon, expressing surprise at Daniel’s comments? Because they were all shocked when Michelle Obamarevealed that Barack Obama didn’t want his daughters to watch their shows. Check out the gallery below to see more famous faces who aren’t keeping up with the Kardashians!
Kellan Lutz and his new girlfriend, Sharni Vinson, flew down to Sydney for the the GQ Australia Men of the Year Awards, yesterday. We’re loving native Aussie Sharni’s Alex Perry dress and shoes, and Kellan — with or without a koala in his hands — makes us melt. And although, sadly, he didn’t win any awards (and nor did she), they were joined on the red carpet by the Actor of the Year and the Woman of the Year, Alex O’Loughlin and Rachael Taylor. So basically, everyone on the little gallery below is remarkably hot. Happy Wednesday!
Ryan Gosling walks the fine line between someone you’d want to cuddle with during The Office, and someone you’d believe really went crazy in that elevator scene in Drive (you know what we’re talking about). The truth is, however, that Ryan can’t get away with the satin scorpion-emblazoned jacket side of his persona if everyone knows he spent his tween years pillow-fighting with Justin Timberlake. So excuse Ryan for trying to look cool, Justin, and quit blowing up his spot in your new GQ interview! Joined by Jimmy Fallon in the GQ “Men of the Year” issue, Timberlake has some bad news regarding Gosling’s smoldering hipster image:
“Jimmy Fallon: ‘Dude, I was just talking to [Ryan] Gosling about that. Did Gosling really live on your couch when he was a kid?’ Justin Timberlake: ‘So he tried to make it seem like he was bohemian even back then?’ Jimmy Fallon: ‘Definitely, man. He said he was struggling and you helped him out.’ Justin Timberlake: ‘Ryan’s mom had to stay back in Canada and my mom was his guardian for a year so he could come down and be on the show. But Gosling got his own bed. He didn’t sleep on the couch. He said that?’ Jimmy Fallon: ‘It’s a better story!’ Justin Timberlake: ‘I’m picturing a ten-year-old Gosling bumming Marlboro Reds off some bum, growing hipster facial hair…’ Jimmy Fallon: ‘All I got is this one pair of Underoos, man! I got nothing, man!'”
Ugh, why don’t you two just bring up the fact that Ryan is Canadian already, if you want to throw him under the bus? If Timberlake ever reveals that Ryan’s perfect three-day stubble gets applied by Makeup every morning, so help us, we will find a new fantasy boyfriend to quietly obsess over!
Kat Dennings might strike you as your run-of-the-mill filthy-mouthed, Christina-Hendricks-looking sitcom star (you know, one of those!), but she wants to be clear that, in addition to being really, really, ridiculously good-looking in the new issue of GQ, she is also a weirdo. “I don’t think I’m a weirdo in a bad way, there’s just a lot going on in my head,” the 2 Broke Girls star explained. “Though I think if I could put my finger on my exact weirdness I’d be able to change it.”
Oh, so Kat’s quirky! We know another sassy brunette who already has the corner on that mark…”I hate that damn word!” Dennings allegedly shouted at her interviewer when the ‘Q’ word came up. “Quirky is what a guy would call a girl he doesn’t understand.” Oh, we like her. In all honesty, we even think Kat rocks those bangs just as hard as Zooey Deschanel. Possibly even harder. No one tell Zooey D. that, though, or some day when we least expect it we’ll get a ukulele smashed over our skull.
Taylor’s interview with the mag also shows what a baller he is. He’s bought a silver, 2012 SLS AMG Mercedes-Benz whose basic model starts at $175,000. We’re guessing he didn’t just buy a basic version though. He said, “As you know, I’ve been driving the same car [a BMW 5 series] for the past four years. But I’ve always been a huge car fan. And I would always go to dealerships and drool. And I definitely always had my eye on this car. And it was a long process before I even considered getting a car like that. It’s a childhood dream.” We love the little humble bit in the end but dude still has major cred. We also suggest that you make sure to check out the gallery here for some seriously drool-worthy photographs of Tay. It makes the interview look like ancient Greek.
So we gave the guys a little something earlier to brighten up their Monday — Scarlett Johansson. It’s treat time for the ladies now and it sure is a delicious one. Kellan Lutz in GQ Australia — this month’s issue. ‘Nuff said. Oh wait, it’s not because have you seen how HOT he looks? Our eyes are literally glazing over, so bear with us!
Also, we totally love the fact that the writer calls him “resplendently rippled” in the piece, which not only made us laugh hysterically, but has now become our favorite descriptive phrase ever. And here’s the perfect follow-up to that, “Lutz looks like a guy sent from some super-race of humanity to kick your arse.” But hey, don’t mind us. There’s 10 pictures of resplendently rippled Lutz waiting to be viewed so knock yourself out. Here’s the link, so click, pour yourself a glass of wine and enjoy!