If you remember Hailey Glassman, pat yourself on the back…or slap yourself in the face. Workin’ man Jon Gosselin may be smoking on a roof in a hardhat these days, but his ex-girlfriend is still talking about him more than a year after their split—and long after everyone else stopped caring. Radar just tagged along with Glassman for a trip back to the Alexandria in Manhattan, where Hailey was accused of robbing Gosselin’s apartment in December ’09 (don’t tell us you forgot!). Police wound up looking the other way—the butcher knife pinning a note to the kitchen table was hoax-tastic—but Glassman obviously still feels the issue is unsettled.
The staff, rocking pained, professional grins in Radar‘s video, nod politely as Hailey reminds them who she is and how the drama was all “lies,” with the concierge offering “[Jon]’s an a—hole…he scares me. I really ask myself, how could you do what you did, being such a nice person?” (Fame is a drug, baby!) Hopefully this experience will be therapeutic for Hailey, allowing her to stop drudging up The Age Of JoGo with Radar every couple months. Sure, mid-2009 was glamorous time full of horse carriage rides, stoned vacations in St. Barts, and tiny penises, but Jon’s moment in the sun—and by extension, that of his ladies—has passed. Let JoGo go. Go corrupt a Duggar or something.
It’s baby daddy drama x 8 over at the Gosselin household, and this time things have taken a turn for the bizarre. Apparently fail-dad Jon Gosselin extorted money from Kate, his ex-wife and co-creator of their eight adorable little dollar signs, by threatening to have the kids taken away from her. Of course, that’s if we can believe his disaster of an ex-girlfriend Hailey Glassman.
Jon would reportedly call Kate and threaten to report her to Child Protective Services, even preparing creepy hand-written notes to follow while on the phone with her, the most damning of which reads, “Jon giving Kate ultimatums. He privately extorts Kate. If you don’t do what I want, I’ll do this…” Glassman now has those notes, the moral of the story being if you are going to commit a crime, you probably shouldn’t jot down instructions on how you did it.
According to Glassman, Gosselin threatened to tell CPS that Kate had hurt Mady’s arm, an injury that apparently did happen and that Jon promised to forget with the right payoff: “Need 50k or 100k now. 24/48 hours go to DA.” Says Glassman, “Kate started screaming and Jon just started laughing. He just laughed at her.” Laughing maniacally, talking in the third person, planning grandiose evil schemes that eventually blow up in your face? So Jon Gosselin has pretty much become a super villain, right? When he moves into a giant Antarctic fortress and uses that extortion money to build a laser to blow up the moon, don’t say we didn’t all see this coming. [Photo: Getty Images]
It’s hard to imagine how Jon Gosselin could be any more humiliated than he already is, but a new video of the America’s Favorite Dad stoned with Hailey Glassman in St. Tropez last year could do the trick. The video, shot while the pair were vacationing with Christian Audigier (long before Jon accused Hailey of ransacking his apartment and Hailey said Jon has a small penis), consists of the lovers slurring and giggling under the influence of something for nine minutes (the footage is on Radar if you’re really desperate for entertainment). “Hailey and Jon were stoned out of their minds in that video,” says Radar‘s source. “Jon would drink every night. He’d go out and Hailey would stay in and order room service. She hated France.” Aww, but France loves her!
Though nothing truly incriminating is discussed (other than that Jon’s farts “stunk up Christian Audigier’s yacht”), you do get to enjoy Jon admiring the size of Hailey’s breasts (“the police think she’s smuggling drugs in her bra”), laughing about a botched salon visit (“[your hair] looked like big Jewish pubes”) and rubbing his “panda belly…full of croissants.” In a sign of the wit one could expect from his next reality show—if he ever gets one—Jon sticks a cigarette up his nose and says “this is how the French smoke.” Nicolas Sarkozy has yet to demand an apology, but we’re sure it’s only a matter of time.
[Screen Caps: Radar]
America’s long national nightmare is over: Jon Gosselin and TLC have settled their dueling lawsuits. “TLC has reached a settlement with Jon Gosselin and will be undertaking procedural steps to conclude the litigation. All terms of the settlement are confidential. The whole Gosselin family remain under contract with TLC,” said the network in a statement. While this means JoGo won’t be running off to film Divorced Dad’s Club or Jon Loves Octomom for anyone else (” I truly hope that this new adventure for TLC and the Gosselins is a much more joyful journey,” Jon’s lawyer prayed to Radar), we’re cool as long as our hero is free of the injuction that has kept him from speaking to media for more than two months (seriously, it’s been that long!). Here are some of the mysteries that have been locked behind TLC’s muzzle:
Why, if you had two cents for every opinion JoGo’s wanted to share with the paparazzi since December, you could probably buy a cup of coffee…or at least put a quarter or two in the tip jar. Oh yeah—those little brats can go back on TV too. Get psyched!
[Photo: Splash News Online]
If Hailey Glassman‘s mismatched lingerie on the cover of next week’s Steppin’ Out Magazine didn’t already have you aching for the weekend, her anxiously unawaited quotes on ex-boyfriend Jon Gosselin‘s genitalia should be just the thing to add a FFS to your TGIF. “”He’s hung like a nine-year-old boy,” she says. “I’m serious. This is true…3 inches.” Anything else to add on the subject, Hailey?
- “Anybody who sleeps with him will notice. It’s very noticeable. It’s so tiny, tiny, tiny.”
- “I would laugh about it with my mom.”
- “He said, ‘You know how subconscious [sic] I am of down there.'”
- “I would tell him to his face, ‘I don’t think you would cheat on me because you’re so small.’ I would tell him that all the time.”
Let’s try to put this into context: Jon Gosselin is divorced, broke, legally unable to seek work on TV and in trouble for allegedly framing his ex-girlfriend for robbery. Now that ex-girlfriend, who also calls him a “textbook sociopath,” won’t shut up about his remarkably tiny penis. But at least he’s not stuck in a giant house with that harpy Kate anymore, right? Right? Woof…it’s a miracle he hasn’t broken his legs out there in Utah yet. [via Us]
[Photo: Splash News Online]
Regrets, Jon Gosselin has a few. But we’re guessing Hailey Glassman‘s cover story in next week’s Steppin’ Out Magazine won’t make him regret splitting with the party girl so much as dating her in the first place. “Hailey isn’t shy in her interview inside the magazine, either,” we’re promised. “She discusses Jon’s various shortcomings: his personality disorder, his dishonesty and his penis.” Dear Lord. Here’s hoping he doesn’t fight back with a “JUDGE THIS, HATERS!” cover of his own.
While anyone would be upset about (allegedly) being framed for robbery by her ex, this display isn’t exactly how one maintains their dignity. Not that dignity will have any place at her upcoming 23rd birthday bash at Quo nightclub. “Black out or get out,” she posted in a mass Facebook invite, according to Life & Style. “Come out and party for my 23rd. I may be turning 23, but I feel like 32. Come help me remember what it’s like to be 23, aka young and fabulous again.” Here’s hoping she wears that fabulous leopard-print top.
[Photo: Steppin’ Out Magazine via HuffPo]
Jon Gosselin‘s love affair with NYC may be coming to an end. Though he fled to the Big Apple to escape his ex-wife and seek solo stardom less than a year ago, the former reality show (and presumably still real-life) father of eight has been spending most of his time in Park City, Utah with new girlfriend Morgan Christie. According to E!, JoGo told Sundance Film Festival-goers at the Sky Lodge that “Park City is my home now,” even purchasing a home in the area. He certainly looked happier than usual hopping from gifting lounge to gifting longue at the festival with Christie this weekend. But how exactly will our cash-strapped hero be paying for his new pad?
“He’s been staying at Morgan’s parents house in Park City,” says their source. “Her father is big in finance.” Young girlfriend with deep pockets or no, we’d understand if the muzzled moocher needed a change in scenery. After all, New York City is where he roamed the streets by horse with former soulmate Hailey Glassman, who’s still hopping mad about those burglary accusations. But even if Glassman can’t be bothered to send a process server across the country, we wouldn’t be surprised if Michael Lohan and Kate Major decide to pay their old friend a visit. If JoGo’s staying in town, there must be gold in thar hills.
With his lawyers still threatening to file charges against Hailey Glassman for allegedly slashing up Jon Gosselin‘s apartment with a butcher knife (she swears it’s a publicity hoax), we can’t blame the girl for sounding less than glowing about her ex’s new girl, 25-year-old Morgan Christie. “Congratulations for finding yet another young girl with a rich family,” Glassman told Radar, acknowledging his type. “I hope he marries her so he can pay me my money back.” He paid you in fame, girl! If it wasn’t for JoGo’s midas touch she’d just be the daughter of a doctor, and nowhere near Michael Lohan‘s celebrity boxing ring. How much would that suck?
“You know what I have to say to her? ‘Tag, you’re it!’,” she said. “He did the same thing to me and my family. He was living with us. I wish him all the best, but any tears I shed for him now are tears of joy.” One does have to wonder why well-to-do families let Jon Gosselin into their lives…and why the ladies can’t stop talking to tabloids when he leaves.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Jon Gosselin may be abiding by TLC’s muzzle, but that doesn’t stop his life from being the wild, sexy ride we know it to be. According to People, JoGo has aimed his seducto-beam at Morgan Christie, a 25-year-old thang he met while skiing in Utah (the pair were reportedly seen dining with her parents in Park City yesterday). “She grew up very privileged, tons of money,” says their source. Woo! Sounds like just the kind of sugar not-a-mama that could help with his mounting legal bills! A trashy light at the end of the trashy tunnel!
Not that JoGo has forgotten the other notches on his belt. In fact, he’s thinking about seeing Hailey Glassman again…in court! Radar reports JoGo has decided to pursue charges against his former soulmate for ransacking his apartment over Christmas and leaving a threatening note on the end of a kitchen knife (Glassman denies doing anything other than moving out). If only TLC would let our hero give us the low down!
Doesn’t it seem like Michael Lohan, Hailey Glassman, Kate Major and anyone else that has associated with Jon Gosselin in the past year (including Jon Gosselin) should just disappear? We’re sort of feeling like they’ve worn out their welcome a thousand times over. That doesn’t seem to stop them from talking to the press though. Glassman, the woman Jon claimed to love and be soulmates with, except not anymore, is actually trying to compliment Kate Gosselin‘s new long-haired look. High praise from someone who dons only her finest Old Navy stretch pants to gear up for Celebrity Boxing.
Glassman seems like she wants to win some points with Kate, because she spoke to Entertainment Tonight about Kate’s People magazine cover, saying “She’s like fine wine, she gets better over time! She looks so much better now than she did three or four years ago… I like it – a new her and all the power to her, I think she looks amazing.” We get that Hailey might want to reach out to Kate since they both had terrible taste in the same man and might want to form a club, but something tells us Kate might be busy with her kids to care about what the college pot-smoker who was screwing her husband has to say. [Photo: GettyImages]