by (@JordanRuntagh)

Donald Trump Shares His Beauty Tips

Today is a day we’ll never forget. Why, you ask? Because it’s the day that Donald Trump has bestowed his hair-care secrets onto the world. For the first time ever, the Don gave a detailed account of his beauty routine in a recent interview with Rolling Stone. We’ll tell our grandkids about this someday. If you want to have a luscious helmet-esque lion’s mane like his, all you have to do is follow his simple steps!

“OK, what I do is, wash it with Head and Shoulders,” he spilled (note to self: buy stock in Head and Shoulders), “I don’t dry it, though. I let it dry by itself. It takes about an hour. Then I read papers and things… I also watch TV. I love Fox, I like Morning Joe, I like that the Today Show did a beautiful piece on me yesterday.” Reading about yourself is a crucial step, but if you’re not being covered by any major media outlets, googling yourself works just fine.

“OK, so I’ve done all that. I then comb my hair. Yes, I do use a comb. Do I comb it forward? No, I don’t comb it forward.” Damn it, THAT’S where we went wrong all those years! “I actually don’t have a bad hairline. When you think about it, it’s not bad. I mean, I get a lot of credit for comb-overs. But it’s not really a comb-over. It’s sort of a little bit forward and back. I’ve combed it the same way for years. Same thing, every time.” And there you have it; one of the greatest follicle fashion enigmas of our time has been unraveled. And now that the mystery is gone, we can’t help but feel a little sad.

[Photo: Images]