Okay, yes, clearly Britney Spears isn’t rocketing toward the sky in a poop-filled Porta-Potty for reals. For one thing, we bet that flimsy door would come flying open if she wasn’t securing harnessed to the seat. However, Britney Spears’ Jackass stunt for Jimmy Kimmel reminds us that Britney will do literally anything to amuse her fans. Would Xtina pretend to hurdle through the air, covered in liquid feces, just to please her audience? Gaga probably would, but she’d want to do it in the MOMA and make us call it “poop-modernism.”
While we might get to see Brit-Brit talk about pee-pee in her bit with Johnny Knoxville, according to Carson Daly, Britney’s interviews are a lot less revealing. The Last Call host tweeted about Spears’ management demanding her interview be edited and approved by them, claiming his sessions with celebrities are “never that restricted. Even when I interviewed Michael Jackson, it wasn’t anything like this…it’s really insane.” Maybe we’ll never know her opinion about KFed’s new baby, but we forward to seeing Britney get gored by a bull, or having her genitals stapled to the inside of her leg. Or at least, we look forward to Brit’s body double pretending to do that.
If you have a wiener, you need’ll to be seated or lying down to read this post, as you will probably slip into unconsciousness during the first paragraph. In a Vanity Fair article about his new movieJackass 3-D, Johnny Knoxville admits that years of penis-punishing pranks have caused some damage in his bathing suit area….like, serious damage. Says Knoxville of his meat and two veg, “It’s just like a dog’s chew-toy down there. I broke my penis about three years ago trying to backflip a motorcycle. So that did’t help its appearance, although it’s pretty cute. I still have to use a catheter twice a day and it’s been three years now.” TWO TIMES A DAY?!? We just left our bodies and floated up onto the ceiling, that’s how painful that sounds.
Explains Knoxville, “No, I can piss without it. I just have to keep the scar tissue from constricting down there. It looks like a sock that’s lost its elasticity. You know the kind that droop around your ankles? That’s what my penis looks like.” Whose socks look like that?!?! Throw those socks away and get new ones! We have to say though, the Jackass guys have always been the only TV and film stars we think really earn their money. Are Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise risking a torn scrotum or life-long catheter use with their movies’ stunts? No. No, they are not.
However, as Jackass3D co-star Bam Margera points out, junk-related stunts aren’t all bad: “I think the only one who came out ahead in this movie is Chris (Pontius). He did a skit called “The Helicockter” where he tied a string to his penis and the other end was attached to a remote-control helicopter. It ripped off so hard, he said he gained a few inches.” Do not do that at home, you guys. No woman in the world cares about size that much.
The main thing we learned from the Jackass 3D premiere is that life needs more Rip Taylor. The former game show regular and friend to the Jackass family is killing us in his pictures from the film’s L.A. premiere last night, but he’s just one of many interesting characters who walked the red carpet. Rather than just throw together a regular gallery from the film’s premiere, we decided to put together a Top Ten Most Insane Looks list because there was a hot cup of crazy being passed around last night, and everyone was drinking from it. In addition to the regular Jackass crew, Johnny Knoxville, Bam Margera and Steve-O, we got some old MTV favorites, some total randos and some people we can’t explain. See for yourself.