Jersey Shore

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Presented Without Commentary: Snooki Throws Our Eyes A Curveball

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After shopping at a Seaside Heights sex shop with her Jersey Shore castmates, Snooki wore her barely-there getup home. [Photo: Splash News Online]

Uncensored pics below.

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by (@JordanRuntagh)

The Shorter List: Hottest Celebrity Beach Bods

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It’s that time of the week again! Last Friday night The Short List ranked the hottest celebs to ever slather SP 40 over their glistening million-dollar physique (or as they called it, the 10 Hottest Celebrity Beach Bods). But we feel that the esteemed VH1 experts missed a few people in their quest to see who had the bangin’est beach bod. So we’re here to fill in a few gaps. Just think of it as a public service. Grab your Ray-Bans, sandals and a couple of towels: we’re going to the beach!

[Photo: Getty Images]

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by (@missmuttoo)

Jersey Shore’s Ronnie Pulls A Snooki And Gets Arrested

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Oh, Ronnie Ortiz-Magro. What would the Jersey Shore be like without you doin’ you? He ain’t no Situation, and he definitely ain’t no Snooki or J-Woww, even if his musculature is as impressive as Miss Jenni’s. But he did give the world his legacy: that supreme party elixir, Ron-Ron juice.

Now, too many hits of Ron-ron juice can be dangerous, maybe even for it’s bare-chested creator. Perhaps it’s so potent that it causes temporary amnesia, or even trippy delusional phases. ‘Cause why else would beefcake Ronnie forget the very existence of all those parking tickets he didn’t pay for? Maybe he thought they were bits of confetti? Or that the Jersey Shore is a Hail Mary-pass because the fist pump trumps pesky fines?

Well, here’s a nice bite on the ass from reality for the reality star. Ronnie was arrested for his unpaid tickets and was hauled to the precinct by two officers who didn’t probably didn’t care much for any attempts of “Do you know who I am?” Ronnie was a free (but probably very embarrassed) bird a while later “after satisfying the conditions of the warrants.” Thank God, because the Ron-Ron juice MUST not be compromised. *Fist pump*

[Photo: Splash News Online]

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John Legend And ?uestlove Want To Write Snooki’s Theme Song

It’s hard to imagine a better theme song for the Jersey Shore than what it has right now — “Get Crazy” by Party Rock duo LMFAO. But when six-time Grammy winner John Legend and ?uestlove, the most iconic drummer in hip-hop history, offer to write the song for Snooki’s inevitable break-out show, then MTV should pay attention, no? Watch the clip to find out what Snooki’s song will sound like and see the John Legend/?uestlove interview in its entirety at our sister site BestWeekEver.tv.

by (@hallekiefer)

The Situation Makes 15-Minute Workout Video, Forgets To Mention It’s 15 Minutes Every Hour

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It might not be the end of summer just yet, but we here at the FabLife would like to remind everyone that the holidays are practically around the corner! We already know what our loved ones are going to get in their stockings this year: The Situation‘s upcoming ab workout video! We are so thoughtful!

Titled appropriately enough “The Situation Workout,” we can’t think of a better way to show our friends and relatives that we care about them than to give them the gift of abs so rock-hard we could snap 2x4s across them. And we will. O, how we will. “He’s got what people consider a great body, hence his name ‘The Situation’, so we decided what better way for people to get their own situation,” says The Sitch’s brother and manager, Marc Sorrentino, about the video. Would that we all had a situation! Right now, we have more of what the doctors call a condition.

The video will feature The Situation flanked by several lovely, steel-stomached ladies as they use dumbbells to carve their abdominal flesh like Michelangelo carved the David. Besides being excellent brand-management, we feel like the Sitch was destined to make work-out videos, like King Arthur was destined to remove the sword from the stone; both of them hang out with a gnarled wizard (in the Sitch’s case, Angelina). His videos will be like the new Tae Bo, except Billy Banks didn’t have the face of a cartoon baby from the ’40s. So, we guess, Billy Banks from the neck down, and the rest is all Richard Simmons. [Photo: Terry's Diary]

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Snooki Rides ‘Em, Then Flashes ‘Em

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So…this happened. Vowing to stay away from bars after spending a few hours behind them last week, Snooki found a new way to have fun while cruising the Jersey boardwalk with her film posse.

Enter, the mechanical bull. Ever the lady, the fun-sized Snickers approached the bucking bronco in a see-through white dress, which any cowboy will tell you is standard attire (not). Unfortunately, television magic only lasted a few short moments before Snooki was thrown to the floor of the inflatable ring. Adding insult to injury, she inadvertently flashed the crowd as she picked herself up. Never fear, as we’re sure Snooks will be back in the saddle again in no time. And hopefully a TV crew will be present. [Photos: Splash News Online]

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by (@hallekiefer)

Snooki’s Ex Attempts To Win Her Back, It’s As Pathetic As You Would Imagine

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While most of us are still basking in the umber glow of last night’s amazing Jersey Shore episode, we sadly have to acknowledge that not everyone is enjoying the spectacle like they should have. Take Snooki‘s ex-boyfriend Emilio Masella for example, who continues to pine for the sweet kisses of his ex’s weird beige mouth.  Claims Emilio, “I came back to the shore because I still care about Snooki. I need a chance to really tell her how I feel.”

Aw, how sweet is that? So how exactly did Emilio express this deep love and affection for our girl Snickers? Oh, right, by wandering around the boardwalk in a t-shirt that read “Free Hugs” and creeping on random women. Wow, we cannot believe Snooki didn’t just snap this gem up on the spot. He is like the human equivalent of $395 bedazzled sunglasses.  To be fair, the scheme does seem tailor-made to appeal to Snooki; it is both completely incomprehensible and involves lots of hugs.

Unfortunately for Mr. Lonelyhearts Snooki took no notice, and even left the club with a different juiced-up gorilla, after which Emilio went home and sobbed into his product-encrusted pillow. Oh, sorry, we mean: went home and smushed with Random Girl He Hugged #312. And we were like, EMILIO! [Photo: Splash News Online]

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J-Woww’s BF Wakes Up And Realizes She’s A Cheater…Duh!

RadarOnline.com‘s photos of Jersey Shore’s resident boob job advocate, J-Woww, cheating on boyfriend Tom Lippolis just surfaced, causing poor Tom to dump the guidette. In an interview with RadarOnline, Tom said, “I’m f*cking beside myself, but am ready to move on.” Then he goes on to explain, “There has been a lot of pressure on both of us lately, but she recently told me, ‘I never cheated on you and I will never leave you for someone else.’ She just lost the best thing that ever happened to her.” Alright, now get ready for the real O-M-G moment: “I am in the best shape of my life and am ready for a new relationship. I’ve already put on Facebook that I am single and I’m getting hits like crazy.” It’s hard out here for a pimp isn’t it, Tom?

Tom must have amnesia so we will gladly remind him that during the first season of the Jersey Shore J-Woww introduced herself by saying, “After I have sex with a guy I will rip their heads off.” She backs up this statement by hooking up with fellow castmate Pauly D and claiming not to remember it. Jersey Shore fans will also recall how J-Woww called Tom on the Snooki-proof duck phone to explain the incident that she allegedly doesn’t remember because she, too, was a victim of apparent (lemon-drop shot induced) amnesia. A momentary split happened between the couple before they were back together by the next episode.

Oh well, we guess it’s about time J-Woww is a single lady, ripping the heads off of orange-tanned men from New Jersey. Let’s just hope she remembers it.

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Spot The Diff: The Smush Captain And Crew Hit The Boardwalk

The Weekly Diff is our pop culture spin on the traditional “spot the difference” game. Check back every Wednesday for a new picture.

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Mere days after castmate Snooki was arrested for disorderly conduct, the Jersey Shore posse was back on the boardwalk, grabbin’ some grub and catchin’ some rays. Can you spot 10 differences in this pic of Snook & the Gang? [Photo: Splash News Online]