Jersey Shore

by

Snooki Voted For John McCain Because He’s “Really Cute”

snooki-mccain3

After a flurry of twitter-flirting (twirting? flittering?), the internet-fueled romance between The Jersey Shore’s Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi and former presidential candidate Senator John McCain took the next step in its natural progression. His daughter Meghan McCain interviewed the Guidette-in-Chief for the blog The Daily Beast. Not surprisingly, things got inappropriate faster than you can say “gym, tan, laundry.”

Meghan: Have you always been a Republican? And are you still interested in politics?

Snooki: To be honest with you, I’m not really a Republican or a Democrat. I actually signed up as an independent, just because I don’t want to pick any side and also I don’t really know a lot about politics. I only know politics about, like, you know, tanning and being a Guidette. So when I saw it was Obama and McCain, to be honest with you, the only reason why I voted for your father was because he was really cute and I liked when he did his speeches.

Meghan: Well, thank you. [Laughing] I appreciate that, though it’s a little weird…

Aside from making her interviewer feel uncomfortable, Snooki – aka McCain’s #1 fan – discussed being relatable to her fans, her admiration for Kendra Wilkinson and Tori Spelling, and the unfortunate lack of Guidos in Miami Beach. It’s too soon to tell if this web-affair between Snooki and McCain will continue—perhaps the cast will cameo on a viral YouTube campaign video or Snooki will Skype in at McCain’s next stump speech. A Shore-Style fist pump is exactly what a congressional race needs to reach out to a new demographic.

[Photo: GettyImages]

by (@missmuttoo)

Most Famous Man In The World Mistaken For The Situation

situation-ronaldo

OMG! Delicious daddy Cristiano Ronaldo will never live this down. He’s the man, right? Sexy girlfriend, sexy butt, sexy abs, sexy money… young(er) stars like Daniel Radcliffe even want to look like him. But oh, how it’s all changed with one awkward interaction.

Ronaldo strutted into Kenmare in New York City for a spot of dinner wearing a tight black shirt and pale trousers. Everyone knows Ronaldo, of course… he’s one of the most famous soccer players in the world. NOT. A diner apparently blurted out, “Oh, my God, it’s The Situation!”

Let us repeat. Cristiano Ronaldo was mistaken for Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino. The Situation’s probably going to take time out of his busy schedule hawking muscle-boosters to print this out and put it in his little scrapbook. How sweet!

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@missmuttoo)

The Situation Uses Abs As Business Plan, Launches Muscle Boosters

60936987

Do you think one of these days Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino‘s going to rip off his shirt and explode like the Incredible Hulk? “Beeerrr. Arrghh. Must.Have.Beer.” With all the super-packed mega-vits he’s selling, it could happen, you know. The self-confessed ladies man is launching a muscle-boosting vitamin supplement called NoX Edge that promises users a Situation-like body. So you too can have a Jersey Shore birthday cake featuring your abs!

And he “expects to be a millionaire by the end of 2010″ with this plan. ladies, are you getting excited yet? He’s got the body, all that’s missing is a brain and we’d have the complete package The Jersey Shore ‘star’ seems to be putting a lot of faith in vitamins. Remember his ad for Vitamin Water with David Wright? No, you don’t. You just remember his abs getting slammed by a baseball bat!

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@katespencer)

5 Things We Learned From Watching The New Jersey Shore Trailer

We loved the first season of Jersey Shore, but being the fickle a-holes that we are we assumed the second season was going to be a maj let down, a la every season of the Real World after Heather B., Julie and Norm true storied it up. But we plopped down in front of the new trailer today and were pleasantly surprised in that ‘f*ck yes, this rules our life!’ sort of way. While it doesn’t hurt our vagina (apparently only sex with Vinnie or riding on a dog sculpture could do that) we, like Snooki, “like it.”

And now, 5 things we learned from watching the 2 minutes and 13 seconds of heaven, above.

1. We are going to get sick of that ear poisoning “I’m In Miami Bitch” song all over again: LMFAO is LTFAO at us right now.

2. Vinnie’s dick is this season’s duck phone: Everyone is using it and now one can figure out to turn it on – or off.

3. There is a genius on the Jersey Shore production team: We’re looking at you, person who thought of installing a mirror cam in the bathroom so we can watch the cast get spend 4 hours fondling their boobs and ironing their hair before a big night out.

4. Ronnie’s potato head is still growing: Someone put it in the microwave (or in a vat of roids) and it’s been nuked into a misshapen mess even an Italian mother can’t love.

5. Someone’s gonna loss a hair extension or two: Apparently baking in the sun for 50+ years has finally calmed the dudes down, as it’s the ladies of the house are who are trying to knock each others’ hair extensions out. Bring on the silicone claws.

by (@missmuttoo)

Drake’s Got The Hots For Snooki, But She Wants A Nice Guido From The Bronx

drake-snooki-main1

Drake took time out from whining about Rihanna to pursue none other than everybody’s favorite Jersey Shore superstar Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi. Apparently he chatted her up backstage at the MuchMusic Video Awards in Toronto and tried to entice her to his after-party. And, a witness says Drake was holding Snooki‘s hand the whole time.

Unfortunately his master plan failed as Snooki showed up later at his door only to be turned away by security.  “Drake found out about it a lot later and was really mad that Snooki didn’t get in,” said source. You just struck out, Drake.

Because now Snooki is planning to go guido-hunting in the Bronx after the Jersey Shore wraps. “I am still living with my mom at the moment, but I’m traveling so much I basically live in an airport,” she said. But once filming is over, I want to move to The Bronx, because there’s loads of Guidos there, and I might meet a nice one out walking the dog or something.” If guidos were horses… Snooki would ride!

[Photo: Getty Images]

by

The Situation Tries To Rap, Should Keep His Day Job (What Is His Day Job, Exactly?)

situation-rapper

Wincing, cringing, feeling nauseous or being utterly horrified are completely normal symptoms when subjecting yourself to listening to The Situation’s newly leaked rap song, which is so cleverly titled, “The Situation.” That’s right, Mike Sorrentino of MTV’s Jersey Shore teamed up with Fatman Scoop, The Disco Fries and DJ Class with the intention of creating a club banger available on iTunes later this week.

A short clip of the song, released to TMZ, was  – not shockingly -  polluted with auto-tune and bad rapping. The only piece missing from this monstrosity was hearing “yo, yo” every few seconds, which would have truly sealed the track’s fate as future fodder for $1 bins at Wal-Marts around the world. A more optimistic point to this “situation” is now being able to consider Madonna’s rap lyrics in “American Life” about soy lattes, gardeners and butlers as high quality rhymes.

Nevertheless, the current state of hip-hop and rap cannot possibly get any worse, even if the entire Jersey Shore cast creates a Christmas album consisting of The Situation’s rhymes, Pauly D’s beats and Snooki’s wahhhh-ing.

[Photo: GettyImages]

by (@katespencer)

John Mayer’s Situation: Bloated

johnmayersituation

We have so many feelings about this photo that instead of writing an actual post, we’re just going to list our various reactions below. Cool? Allright then.

  • At least there’s one person left in the world who still likes John Mayer.
  • Really? Jessica Simpson had sex with the person attached to that stomach?
  • Really? Jennifer Aniston had sex with the person attached to that stomach?
  • Really? Jennifer Love Hewitt had sex with – wait, of course she did. She’s Jennifer Love Hewitt.
  • The Situation is staring at his own abs and orgasming inside. Seems understandable.
  • Finally, a douche-off we can get behind.

[Photo: GettyImages]

by

J-Woww Launches Fashion Line For Fellow Attention-Hungry Guidettes

j-woww-filthy-couture

It makes all too much sense that J-Woww’s freshly launched clothing line is named Filthy Couture. But hey – at least she’s being honest about the goods she’s hawking.  Take, for example, the skimpy, Swarovski crystal-encrusted, pastel pink dress the “designer” donned at the MTV Movie Awards, which miraculously didn’t cause the Jersey Shore reality star to have a Tara Reid moment. Filthy? Indeed.

To the skeptics: what did you expect? Filthy Couture cannot possibly do any worse than countless other failed celebrity clothing lines. Remember LL Cool J’s clothing line that even Sears couldn’t sell at clearance prices, or Lindsay Lohan’s line of leggings (some with knee pads included) that can be found for less than $20 on eBay? So what if it ends up strewn around T.J. Maxx and Marshall’s like Jennifer Lopez’s J.Lo and SweetFace collections? Any success is great success, plus, there’s bound to be a few orange tinted girls from Long Island or “Joy-zee” fist pumping and grinding their extensions off  in these floozy outfits. Not to mention, any woman that can literally stun The Situation with a hard punch deserves to have a few glances at her imminent fashion disaster.

[Photo: GettyImages]

by

Jersey Shore Creator Says House Is “Like A Herpes Nest”

60526653

Well this makes us shudder (and think twice before sitting anywhere on the Jersey boardwalk). In a roundtable discussion about reality TV for The Hollywood Reporter, Jersey Shore producer SallyAnn Salsano explained that she provides herpes medication Valtrex regularly to the cast of the show. She said (a little too enthusiastically) “We hand it out like M&Ms! ‘Hey kids, it’s time for Valtrex!’ It’s like a herpes nest. They’re all in there mixing it up.” And to think, these kids go swimming up and down the Eastern Seaboard. Forget the Gulf oil spill, it’s the Atlantic Ocean we need to worry about.

Salsano also admits that she provides an on-set therapist for the cast to cope with the pressures of filming, and says that in all her years in the business (she had previously worked on The Bachelor), she said  Jersey Shore was “S**t-house crazy. I’ve never seen anything like it as a producer.” Sure, because on The Bachelor, the women get roses. On Jersey Shore, they get sores.

[Photo: Getty Images]