We guess once your girl-on-girl make out sessions span two continents and get broadcast to millions of people, it’s sort of hard to ignore the fact you’re kind of into the ladies. So hats off to Snooki for keeping it real about her sexuality! “I would consider myself bi,” the Jersey Shore star revealed to The Huffington Post’s Gay Voices in a joint interview with JWoww. “I’ve done stuff with girls before. But I would never be with a girl because I like… penis. But I’ve experimented.” We’re sure Jionni is at least 50% reassured by that declaration. If only Vinny was completely androgynous, then maybe Jionni could finally sleep at night!
As for the other Jersey Shore cast members, the ladies have their super-sensitive gaydar trained on one gentleman in particular: The Situation. “[H]is posture and the way he holds his cigarettes… everything,” JWoww muses when asked if their smoosh-crazy roommate could be gay, explaining, “Listen, I know I keep talking about my best friend Joey, but his husband was closeted for 27 years of his life. And I knew him before he came out. So because of that I know… the signs.” Says Snooki of the Sitch, “He told me one time, ‘[All the talk is] making me wonder.'” Luckily the two ladies also discuss their support of gay marriage, which makes us want a Jersey Shore gay wedding so bad. They can have the ceremony in the t-shirt shop and the reception at Karma! Deena can make bridesmaid bouquets out of all her piles of cast-off weave!
[Photo: Getty Images]
By Rachel Zarrell
Last night’s Jersey Shore episode was called “Nothing But Nice,” but it should’ve been titled “Nothing But Disgusting” with all of the talk of Snooki’s nether regions, Mike’s unfortunate wardrobe malfunction and, well some straight-up pee. Here’s a countdown of the most nauseating moments:
5. Snooki Is a Carnival Ride: This was a quick moment, but a stomach-churning one nonetheless. While the kids are getting ready to go to Jenks for some mid-day boozing, Deena bounces on Snooki’s stomach with her junk in her face. Snooki says what’s on everyone’s mind: “I’m going to throw up!”
4. Snooki Is House-Trained: When all the bathrooms are taken, Snooki (the family dog) heads to the porch to squat beneath the stairs. Afterward, she attempts to cover the mess with some unfortunate soul’s shorts. “They pee outside and drink out of bowls, we don’t need pets.” Well said, Pauly.
We are smart, most of the time. And also we like serious movies every once in a while. But despite Gary Oldman’s Oscar nomination, we’ve kind of been avoiding Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. Just didn’t seem like our thing. Until now. The actor appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night and gave a dramatic reading of an official synopsis of last night’s Jersey Shore. Which was definitely one of the grossest episodes of the show we’ve seen in a while.
Now, Oldman is definitely not your typical highbrow British actor — Sid and Nancy proved long ago that the guy can do gross. But he can put on a posh voice like nobody’s business, especially when saying, “While dancing in a club, Snooki accidentally pees on herself. She sprays perfume on herself and calls it a sure shower.” We love the way the words “JWoww” and “weiner” just role off his tongue. See for yourself in the video after the jump.
Star magazine is coming out with a story from an “insider” claiming that Snooki is about to announce that she and boyfriend Jionni LaValle are expecting their first child. “She is pregnant and has only told her closest friends and some family,” the source says. Hmmm. Here’s why we’re skeptical:
1) One of us here at TheFABlife just had a Snooki and JWoww spotting yesterday and says she is still looking her newly skinny 98 lb. self.
2) The 24-year-old Jersey Shore party girl hardly seems like the type to settle down just yet, even if she’s found true love.
3) It wouldn’t be good news for her Zantrex-3 endorsement deal. The diet supplement, which contains a whole lot of caffeine and other stimulants, is hardly a healthy choice for expecting ladies. Zantrex-3’s site even warns: “Zantrex-3 is not intended for use if you are pregnant or nursing.”
Just when we thought we were out, Snooki and the Jersey Shore gang pull us back in. If you thought last year’s Jersey Shore: Italy season was a genius idea, then we have excellent news about the show’s upcoming season. “I believe that they were looking at Vegas and Australia, two places I would love to go,” Jersey star Ronnie Ortiz-Magro revealed to Huffington Post’s Rob Shuter. “I don’t know if we would make it back from Vegas, but I’m pretty sure we would love to go to Vegas.” As if Las Vegas needed to smell more like bronzer or hair spray. As if Australia needed more beer drinkers or tiny adorable koala-like creatures.
On one hand, Vegas seems like the perfect place to up the ante on the Jersey Shore cast’s particular brand of fist-pumping debauchery (plus the cast seems to head there every other week anyway). On the other hand, Australia has something like the top three most poisonous land snakes in the world. Plus Fosters! “I want to do this as long as the fans keep watching,” Ronnie says about the show that made him a household name. “I will do it in Depends and a walker.” Oh, but why make us wait for Jersey Shore: Assisted Living Facility? Just put Deena in a diaper now! Please?
One For The Money starring Katherine Heigl opens wide today, and it shows her in a way we aren’t used to seeing her. No, we don’t just mean “brunette.” The film is based on the best-selling novel about Stephanie Plum, a down-on-her-luck lady from New Jersey who turns to bounty hunting to make some cash. The tough-as-nails Jersey girl part seems a bit of a stretch for Heigl. So let’s hope she researched by watching some other classic characters hailing from the great Garden State. Check out our 15 favorites in the gallery below. (Warning: Those sensitive to blatant stereotyping of New Jersey residents should probably just proceed to the next blog post.)
[Photo: Getty Images]
To the Douchemobile! MediaTakeout reported today that The Situation’s personalized Bentley has allegedly been repossessed, a tragedy that they claim to have the reader photos to prove. How do we know that the Jersey Shore star’s ride didn’t just pull a Knight Rider and escape with the help of her friend the tow truck, though? Someone get David Hasselhoff on the phone! We need his expertise!
Whether it’s getting sued over Twitter promotions, filing a lawsuit against Abercrombie & Fitch or being forcibly (and hilariously!) removed from the Apple Store, there is no amount of trouble the Situation could get into that would truly shock us. That being said, according to TMZ, the Sitch’s car was allegedly being taken in for a tune-up, not to be crushed into an Axe-scented cube by the IRS. Besides, if the Situation’s car was actually being repossessed, wouldn’t we have seen him clinging to the bumper, sobbing with an inconsolable rage? Those photos would be everywhere.
[Photo: Splash News Online]
Color us shocked that none of the ladies of Jersey Shore have ever posed for Playboy. Sure, JWoww did an issue of Maxim, but even then she still managed to keep her one-piece on. If any of the roommates is going to show off her meatballs, however, it’s not Sammi. “My boobs are real, they will sag to the floor,” she told HDNet, shooting down recent Playboy rumors. “I just feel weird about my boobs. … But I don’t know. I don’t know if that’s the right direction you want to go in.” Girl, no. You’ve just been around JWoww’s epic beach ball-sized implants for too long. Monster truck tires would feel saggy next to such magnificence.
Not that Sammi doesn’t keep abreast (see what we did there?) of which celebs are posing in their birthday suit. “She looked fabulous. She looked amazing,” she gushed about Lindsay Lohan Playboy shoot, before admitting, “You never know what tomorrow will bring.” Girl, again, no. If even Snooki isn’t doing it, neither should you. So…Deena will be first then, right?
There are some things you can’t unsee. Snooki without makeup is one of of them. “No make up day and IDC :),” the Jersey Shore goddess tweeted this afternoon, along with the bare-faced pic. Have you ever seen something so beautiful in your life? Those amazingly normal-sized eyelashes! Those stunning crust-free lids! That gorgeous mouth-colored mouth! Next you’re going to tell us Snooki isn’t holding a quart of pure pickle juice off camera, about to use it as a Ron-Ron juice chaser. We are officially through the looking glass, people. Don’t make us go back to the way it was before. Please. Don’t make us go back.
[Photo: Snooki’s Twitter/]
News that The Situation defrauded an actual pimp would be a surprise to absolutely no one. Even rumors that a pimp had somehow taken him to court would result in only a single raised eyebrow. That being said, try to keep your jaw from dropping and your monocle from falling in your martini glass when we tell you the Jersey Shore star is currently being sued by Serious Pimp, an actual men’s clothing line. Did he do it just so we could write that amazing headline? The world may never know.
In all seriousness (or, like, some seriousness), The Sitch, or Mike Sorrentino as his parents might still call him, was hit with a lawsuit today by the company, who claims they paid the reality star $25,000 to promote their t-shirt line on the show, Twitter and Facebook. Allegedly neither the Situation nor his brother, also part of the suit, made good on the deal. Wait one minuteâ€¦are we to believe that The Situation hasn’t tweeted, said or otherwise conveyed the phrase “serious pimp” at least 12 times a day for the past 2 years? Even accidentally? Either way, this lawsuit is shaping up way better than when The Situation filed a suit against Abercrombie & Fitchâ€¦or his own dad.