Is there a plot to John Carter? Probably. Is it what will ultimately draw many of us to the theater next weekend? Probably not. I mean, it’s probably got some good qualities, being based on an Edgar Rice Burroughs series, with all sorts of cool themes about underdogs and oppression. But let’s be realistic. They put Taylor Kitsch in that very impractical nipple-baring breastplate/harness thing for a reason, and that reason is not character development. BUT! This is not to say that we completely objectify the man who will always be #33 for us. On Friday Night Lights, Kitsch won us over with his vulnerable performance as much as with that heartstopping smile. And we’re just waiting to see how his new career as an action star, which continues later this year with Battleship, will play out.
Even though he told MTV News that he feels awkward about being a heartthrob, we kind of couldn’t help putting together this little countdown of his 20 hottest looks. It was a tough job to do, but you’re welcome.
Sorry to be such a girl. Well, actually, I’m not that sorry. But I had no prior knowledge of Edgar Rice Burroughs’John Carter of Mars before they cast Taylor Kitsch in the movie. And after seeing the trailer, I’m still pretty fuzzy about the plot. The Disney website helps a bit: John Carter is a Civil War vet who gets transported to Mars, where he has super strength and the ability to jump really high. Then he gets embroiled in some kind of alien war, fighting on the side of the creatures that come a little too close to resembling Jar Jar Binks for our comfort. Anyway, I have no way of telling if I’ll like this movie yet. What I do know is that I like this new trailer 87 percent more than the trailer for Taylor’s other big upcoming movie, Battleship — that one had way too few Tim Riggins smoldering looks and way too many battleships (though Taylor wasn’t nearly as cheated as Alexander Skarsgard). Despite all that jumping and alien fighting, the John Carter preview shows us plenty of Taylor in his gladiator gear (but this is in the 1800s on Mars? Huh?). “You are ugly, but you are also beautiful,” some alien tells him. Well, that’s half true.
Here are 10 screencaps from the trailer, just so you can take a closer look without all that yelling and dramatic Led Zeppelin music.
There is life after Friday Night Lights for our beloved Tim Riggins! Our favorite brooding bad boy and his pecs star in John Carter, the first live-action movie from Pixar director Andrew Stanton. Taylor Kitsch plays a Civil War vet sent to Mars (seriously) where he ends up fighting epic space battles and falling in love with an intergalactic hottie played by Lynn Collins. Most importantly, Taylor is shirtless for most of the trailer, which bodes well for the actual film. Alien eyes, full pecs, can’t lose!