Jon & Kate Plus 8

by (@hallekiefer)

Jon Gosselin Schemes To Get His Hands On That Sextuplet Money

jongosselin

It’s baby daddy drama x 8 over at the Gosselin household, and this time things have taken a turn for the bizarre. Apparently fail-dad Jon Gosselin extorted money from Kate, his ex-wife and co-creator of their eight adorable little dollar signs, by threatening to have the kids taken away from her. Of course, that’s if we can believe his disaster of an ex-girlfriend Hailey Glassman.

Jon would reportedly call Kate and threaten to report her to Child Protective Services, even preparing creepy hand-written notes to follow while on the phone with her, the most damning of which reads, “Jon giving Kate ultimatums. He privately extorts Kate. If you don’t do what I want, I’ll do this…” Glassman now has those notes, the moral of the story being if you are going to commit a crime, you probably shouldn’t jot down instructions on how you did it.

According to Glassman, Gosselin threatened to tell CPS that Kate had hurt Mady’s arm, an injury that apparently did happen and that Jon promised to forget with the right payoff: “Need 50k or 100k now. 24/48 hours go to DA.” Says Glassman, “Kate started screaming and Jon just started laughing. He just laughed at her.” Laughing maniacally, talking in the third person, planning grandiose evil schemes that eventually blow up in your face? So Jon Gosselin has pretty much become a super villain, right? When he moves into a giant Antarctic fortress and uses that extortion money to build a laser to blow up the moon, don’t say we didn’t all see this coming. [Photo: Getty Images]

by

Let’s Talk About Sex(tuplets)

kate-gosselin-kids

We can barely contain our multiples-induced rage right now. TLC has revealed that there will be yet another show about sextuplets airing on their network, and with this one, the hook is that the family is Latino and living in Queens. Which means…what? They’ll have more attitude and more Coming To America references than the Gosselins? We guess? There is no need for this!

The show will be called Sextuplets Take New York (what, Sextuplets And The City didn’t work for you?) and will focus on the Carpio family, who we’re sure are very nice and could use the cash and they probably assume their marriage is stronger than Jon and Kate’s, but they are clearly deluded. People are going to find fault with this family in some way, the strain of the media will become too great, and Mrs. Carpio will never have a hairstyle as iconic as The Kate which will all be too much for them to take and someone’s going to snap. One moment the family will be taking a nice trip on the Staten Island Ferry, the next, Daddy Carpio is getting his nipple pierced and only wearing clothes from Hollister, while Rachel Uchitel gives him a back rub.

It blows our mind that TLC has the balls to capitalize on yet another over-fertile family – don’t even mention the awful Duggars to us, please – and that a family is willing to risk their stability for a paycheck. You know how Kentucky Fried Chicken rebranded as KFC to play down the “fried”? That’s exactly what The Learning Channel is doing with the “learning” part of their name. It’s gross. The only thing we’ve learned is how to change the channel even faster.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

by (@katespencer)

Kate Gosselin Gets Britney-fied On People Cover

kate-gosselin-people

We’ll admit that for months – nay, years – now, we’ve wondered what it would look like if Kate Gosselin grew out that sh*t-show atop her head and replaced it with long, flowing synthetic, highly flammable locks. And thanks be to God, we now know the answer: She looks exactly the same. Join us as we bow at the paper feet of People magazine, who stuck Kate and her new do (wig? Jessica Simpson hair extensions?) on their latest cover, above the headline, “I’m Starting Over!”

While the thought of more Gosselin drama mostly makes us want to erase K-Go (and let’s be honest, the entire G-D Internet) from our brains ala Enternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, we can’t help but feel a bit of pity for the “Jersey Shore” crew lurking over her shoulder in the sidebar. They’re the next coming of reality TV superstars, and yet they’re still overshadowed by a woman who’s famous for getting effed over by IVF drugs. Sometimes those 15 minutes just ain’t fair.  [via DListed]

by (@katespencer)

Kate Gosselin Just Wants To Dance

Super-mom Kate Gosselin is clearly trying to figure how she’s gonna make some money now that “Jon & Kate Plus 8″ is officially off the air. Her latest ploy? Heading back to her reality TV show roots, of course. Kate told Jay Leno that she’s got her eye on “Dancing With the Stars,” the mega-hit dance show that churns out ratings and reignites D-Listers’ careers. If Mario Lopez can have a comeback after fox-trotting on national TV, then why can’t ol’ beaver hair Gosselin?

“Yes, ‘Dancing with the Stars’ because I cannot dance,” she told Jay. “I want to laugh at myself. I so cannot dance. It would be a sad sight.”

Surely, by “laugh at myself” she means, “I need more cash, stat. Help me reality TV producers!” We hope they hear her plea. Who doesn’t want to see that woman shake it awkwardly while being applauded by her miserable kids (besides her ex JoGo)? [Photo: GettyImages]

by

JoGo’s Got Gut

jon-gosselin-1

Jon Gosselin gave the paps a sneak peek of his bangin’ bod while going through LAX security last night. Whatever pride Gosselin has left may have stopped him from starring in a self-deprecating (but hilarious) Funny Or Die video, but clearly it didn’t prevent him from revealing his pooch in public or looking like a dirtbag smoking during his layover. [Photo: Splash News Online]

View Photo Gallery

Related FABlife Content:

by

Jon Gosselin Backed Out Of Original Funny Or Die Video

A source has informed TheFABlife that the FunnyorDie Jon Gosselin video the world watched yesterday was not actually the one he originally signed on to do. Turns out that flip-floppin’ hunk of man diva signed off on a script, flew out to L.A. (on the web site’s dime, natch) and then “balked at the idea and dropped out” the night before the shoot. Yep, that sounds like our Jon, stayin’ classy as usual.

Undeterred, the Funny Or Die guys persevered without their Ed Hardy-clad star, and shot the video with actor Eugene Cordero (who perfected his JoGo impression with this awesome Match.com spoof) portraying the dad of 8 because, our insider says, “Eugene is a much funnier Jon Gosselin than Jon Gosselin could be.”

Check out the video above and Jon’s Funny or Die clip from yesterday and decide for yourself.

by

Dream Reality Show: Jon And Nadya Plus 22

jon_and_nadya_2

We hate to add fuel the fame-whoring fire of Jon Gosselin and the Octomom, but the rumors of the two joining forces for reality television are too awesomely disastrous for us to ignore. The Gosselin camp is already furiously denying the dating show, but we’re holding out hope for the 22 children-deep couple. 

TMZ allegedly obtained a copy of the pitch for the duo’s show, in which it boldly states that the “Jon + Nadya” show would challenge the ratings of “American Idol.” While that’s a lofty statement, they could count on viewership from theFABlife. We’re suckers for a good trainwreck. [Source: NY Daily News, TMZ; Photo: Splash News Online]

Related FABlife content: Jon Gosselin Denies Octomom Dating Show, Teams With Rabbi For Public Apology

by

TLC Sues Jon Gosselin

jon-gosselin1

On the heels of Jon Gosselin having an “epiphany” and yanking his eight little ones out of their hit reality show and ending its run in November, TLC is suing Jon for breach of contract. The lawsuit says that, in recognition of  “the Gosselins’ difficult personal circumstances, TLC asked both parents to refrain from making public statements about each other, the divorce, or the program, and negotiated an agreed “cooling off” period with respect to media communications for 45 days.” TLC claims Jon violated that agreement by appearing on other shows for pay and making unauthorized disclosures about the show.

Jon’s attorney, Mark Jay Heller, says, of course, the lawsuit is all wrong. “This litigation is clearly a tactic that Discovery and TLC have initiated in furtherance of their hunger to jump back on the gravy train, but Jon Gosselin has decided to put the breaks on the Discovery and TLC trainwreck,” he said. Jon’s not looking so good these days since he was ordered to put back $180,000 into his and Kate Gosselin’s joint bank account, after allegedly pulling it out. Let’s see how this one plays out! [Source: Us magazine; Photo: Getty Images]

by (@katespencer)

Nancy Grace Makes Jon Gosselin Squirm

Nancy Grace ripped Jon Gosselin a new a-hole last night on “The Insider,” taking him to task for his shady business of bangin’ 22-year-olds and halting production on “Jon & Kate Plus 8″ only after he was kicked off the show. JoGo looked like a reality star caught in headlights during Grace’s tirades, mumbling responses to her hard-hitting questions. At times, the tubby Ed Hardy fan sat in stunned silence until his lawyer chimed in. Needless to say, we loved every minute of it. [Via Jezebel]

Related Content