Jonathan Lee Riches

by (@shalapitcher)

Kim Kardashian, Arnold Schwarzenegger Blamed For Michael Jackson’s Death In Fever Dream Lawsuit

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Kim Kardashian, Michael Jackson and Macaulay Culkin

Have you ever spent all day reading gossip blogs and magazines and watching reality TV, only to fall asleep and dream that the likes of Kim Kardashian and Macaulay Culkin have leapt from the screen and into your life. And then when you wake up, you’re kind of left with this feeling that you might actually be friends with famous people. It’s especially good if this celebrity overload is because you’re home with a fever of some kind. No? Just us?

Anyway, this actual real-life lawsuit a friend of a friend brought to our attention today, filed Monday in the real-life United States District Court, Eastern District of California, reads exactly like one of those fever dreams. The plaintiff is seeking restraining orders against Arnold Schwarzenegger, Kim Kardashian and Conrad Murray. Because, um, he saw Kim have sex with Murray at Michael Jackson‘s house, thus distracting the doctor and causing MJ’s death. “Macaulay Culkin was with me and is a witness.” Also, Governor Arnold was blackmailing Kardashian into having sex with him, and was punched by Barry Bonds because he’d been promised pardon in exchange for signed bats and a James Bond DVD. And Kim is pen pals with Bernie Madoff. We could go on, but we feel the fever coming back. Read for yourself:

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