Shut it down. Shut the Academy Awards down now. Based on the Joyful Noise trailer, we know we don’t want to see Rooney Mara or Kirsten Dunst or whomever crying into their couture when Queen Latifah wins Best Actress in 2012. We also don’t want to see Brad Pitt sobbing into his beard when they turn the Best Actor category into another Best Actress category and give that one to Dolly Parton, because that is the only conceivable outcome we can foresee.
In addition to giving us Parton and Latifah mid-diva-off as competing candidates for director of a church choir, the film, due out on January 13, is seemingly jam-packed full of Oscar bait: Keke Palmer! Spot-on plastic surgery jokes! The fact Dolly Parton’s robe is inexplicably tailored to hug her ridiculous curves! Of course, we’re acting as if we ran the Academy Awards…and if that’s what we have to do to see this movie win Best Picture, well, then that is just what we’ll have to do.