Keeping Up With the Kardashians

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Lamar Odom Vs. Kim Kardashian: Who Had The Worst 2011-12 Season?

Khloe Kardashian’s husband Lamar Odom announced today that he is leaving the Dallas Mavericks after playing for the team for less than a season. Despite the fact that Lamar had the worst season of his career, he insists that the decision to leave was “mutual.” For those of you who’ve never been dumped, that’s code for “they kicked his ass out.”

“The Mavericks and I have mutually agreed that it’s in the best interest of both parties for me to step away from the team,” the power forward said in a statement to ESPN today. “I’m sorry that things didn’t work out better for both of us, but I wish the Mavs organization, my teammates and Dallas fans nothing but continued success in the defense of their championship.” Lamar will remain on the team’s “inactive” list for the remainder of the season, which probably means that this season of Khloe & Lamar is going to feature a lot of crying in the bathroom.

Reportedly Lamar never really felt at home on the Dallas team, and really was still hung up on his true love: the L.A. Lakers, who unceremoniously traded him this past fall. “Lamar hasn’t gotten over being traded from the Lakers, and he has been depressed and moody ever since the trade happened,” a friend of Khloe and Lamar told RadarOnline. “He couldn’t fathom the fact that the Lakers traded him after all of his years with the team.” He’s hoping that a move back to Los Angeles will bolster his spirits.

We admit, this all has got to be pretty embarrassing for Lamar. How does it stack up with that other painfully short Kardashian union between sister-in-law Kim and fellow baller Kris Humphries? Let’s take a look at the stats…

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by (@JordanRuntagh)

The Kardashian’s Reveal Their Bikini Line (Err, Not Like That)

The Kardashian sisters are no strangers to bikinis, so it makes sense that they added a swimsuit line to their Kardashian Kollection. Luckily for us, Kourtney, Kim and Khloe decided to take ‘em for a test run in front of the camera lens! The first photo for their Sears collection was posted on designer Bruno Schiavi’s Facebook page today, and the Krew looked stunning as ever. “First look at our new Kardashian Kollection Swimwear campaign,” he wrote. “The girls look incredible!!!!!” There aren’t enough exclamation points in the world for that statement.

But all isn’t rosy in Kardashian-Kountry. Modeling legend Janice Dickinson threw a mega diss at Kim in the wake of her flour attack last week. “Throwing flour on someone is rude,” Janice told RadarOnline.com. “I think Kim should be tarred and feathered!” Ouch! Ms. Dickinson has apparently never been a huge fan of Kim. In fact, she’s gone on record saying that Kim’s famous booty is in fact “a heap of lard!” Easy, Janice! “I support PETA,” she continued. “Anyone that wears fur is rude and disgusting! Especially Kim Kardashian. She is rude and disgusting.” OK, so we can officially add her to the list of peeps who aren’t keeping up with the Kardashians

[Photo: Facebook]

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Is Khloe Not Really A Kardashian?

The on-going soap opera we call the Kardashian’s barrels on today with a twist that would do Maury Povich proud. Both an ex-wife and a widow of the late attorney/Kardashian Klan patriarch Robert Kardashian are making claims that Khloe isn’t actually a Kardashian. Technically, at least. Kris Jenner has already admitted to infidelity during her marriage to Robert, and this report alleges that Khloe is actually the result of one of her affairs.

“Khloe is not his kid.  He told me that after we got married,” Jan Ashley, Robert’s second wife, told Star Magazine. “He said, ‘Well, you know that Khloe’s not really a Kardashian, don’t you?’ And I said…’OK,’ and that was it.” Robert’s widow Ellen Kardashian supports the explosive accusations. “Robert did question the fact that Khloe was his,” she said. “Any normal man would if they knew their wife had cheated on him. She looked nothing like the rest. She was tall, had a different shape, light hair, curly hair. [She] didn’t look anything like the other three children.” According to Ellen, Robert even admitted that he and Kris weren’t even sleeping together at the time Khloe was conceived.

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by (@JordanRuntagh)

Kendall Jenner’s 16 Most Stylish Looks

Here’s a fun fact: Kim Kardashian decided announce her headline-grabbing divorce from Kris Humphries just days before little sister Kendall Jenner’s birthday. What nerve! And it’s not just any birthday either. Today happens to be Kendall’s sweet 16. Way to steal your baby sis’s thunder, Kim. Haven’t you ever seen Sixteen Candles? But don’t worry Kendall, we here at the FABLife haven’t forgotten! Both Kendall and baby sis Kylie, the junior members of the Kardashian Klan, have most certainly inherited the chic style of their big siblings. But Kendall in particular seems to thrive in the fashion world, already making a name for herself on the catwalk and in print ads. So as an extra special sweet 16 gift, we’d like to present her 16 most stylish looks. It’s not a Ferrari, but what are ya gonna do? Take a spin in the gallery below for more!

[Photo: Getty Images]

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by (@missmuttoo)

Kris Humphries Has A New BFF … And He’s From Jersey!

Man, we love celebrity friendships. In the oddest BFF pairing we’ve heard of, it seems Kris Humphries and Vinny Guadagnino are now homies. Us Weekly reports that Mr. Kardashian and the Jersey Shore guido had a proper “boys night out” at STK in L.A recently, where Kris “seemed to be in good spirits.” The bromance was sealed when they two flew from New York to Las Vegas earlier this month, where a source says, “Kim slept the entire time while [Vinny and Kris] chatted the whole way.”

We see plot lines evolving on Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Perhaps a story where Kim’s miffed that her husband is spending too much time with his bro? Tears! Drama! A walk on the Jersey Shore in moonlight to make up. Ah, the joys of “reality” television.

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Kourtney Kardashian Buys Baby Mason A Pet Snake

Umm…aww? Kourtney Kardashian decided that her young son Mason Disick should have a pet. Sounds perfectly natural, right? But then she had to go “Kardashian” all over everything, and the result: she went out and bought the 21-month old a snake. And this isn’t just a some friendly little garter, either. Apparently Baby’s First Reptile is “big and vicious.” Kourtney made the purchase in the New York City store Fauna yesterday along with little sis Khloe, who was understandably pretty grossed out by the whole ordeal. “Eww! It’s not mine,” she told photographers as they carried the serpent out of the shop. No word yet on what they named the snake (may we suggest “Scott Disick”?), but it now resides comfortably in the Kardashian suite at the Gansevoort Hotel where it passes the hours “snapping at the grass” in it’s tank. File this one under “Things they wouldn’t do if they weren’t followed by a camera crew.” Don’t forget to save the snake skin for Mason’s baby book!

[Photo: Splash News Online]

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by (@JordanRuntagh)

Kris Humphries Didn’t Realize Kim Kardashian Was Married Before

On the latest episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashains Kris Humphries was shocked -shocked!- to learn that his fiancee Kim Kardashian had already been been married once before. Which is weird because he could have learned this by doing a ten-second scan of his wife-to-be’s Wikipedia page. Yes, despite all the hype around Kim’s “big day”, people seem to forget that this ain’t her first trip down the aisle. In 2000 she tied the knot with record producer Damon Thomas, which ended in divorce four years later. But apparently no one told Kris about this until after the couple were already engaged. One of Kim’s relatives evidently let it slip during a Kardashian family vacation in Bora Bora.

“You were really married? You guys are serious?” gasped a visibly shaken Humphries as they sat around the fancy dinner table. The fellow Kardashian men tried to cheer him up, with some attempts more successful than others. “Kim wasn’t really married,” Rob Kardashian offered confusingly, while Scott Disick lived up to his mega-douche title by saying, “You really thought that you were going to the first?” Charming. Kris was pretty bummed out, moaning “I didn’t see that coming, that hit me like a ton of bricks. What else will Kim break to me?” But as we all know now, he got over it and the two lived happily ever after in the land of Donk.

What we wanna know is, how did this not come up before? Come on guys, communication is key to any relationship. Maybe the K-Kult were keeping the factoid hidden until they could spring it on him while the cameras were rolling. Ratings are ratings, y’all. But seriously, we thought that knowledge of Kim’s previous marriage was just kinda…out there. So we’re not sure who to be mad at in this sitch. Let this be a lesson to couples everywhere: always remember to Google your significant other before you pop the question.

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Kim Kardashian Uninvites 50 Wedding Guests To Fit Camera Crew

Life ain’t always easy for a bride-to-be. Just ask Kim Kardashian, who now has the awkward task of uninviting 50 guests from her wedding to Kris Humphries. But it’s nothing personal, you guys! It just looks like there isn’t enough room for all of her friends and the film crew for her four-hour reality show special. So rather than cut down on camera angles, some of Kim’s peeps are getting the boot. Can we get a sad trombone?

The happy Kouple are reportedly getting married at the Sotto Il Monte mansion in Montecito, Califorina. But according to sources, the local fire marshal wasn’t happy when he learned that a massive production crew and camera equipment would also be roaming the 10.9 acre estate. After much back and forth, the marshal demanded that Kim trim her list. With just two days to go before the big day, that’s probably gonna piss some people off. But hey, at least they can watch the blessed union in TV, right?

Despite the guest list trauma, Kim and her Klan looked radiant last night at the launch of their Kardashian Kollection clothes line in Los Angeles. Check out more in the gallery below!

[Photo: Getty Images]

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by (@missmuttoo)

Jenner Wedding Edition: Kris And Bruce Renew Their Vows

Did you know that Bruce and Kris Jenner had renewed their wedding vows? They did, earlier this spring, apparently, in Bora Bora! They re-sealed the deal on April 21 — which just so happens to be their 20th wedding anniversary — with the whole family around. Minus Khloe Kardashian and husband Lamar Odom who both couldn’t make it.

But the rest of Klan Kardashian represented and went all out, with everyone dressed in white! The ceremony was officiated by a Tahitian priest and it all went down on a serene hilltop at the Hilton Bora Bora Nui Resort and Spa. You can of course watch the episode on Keeping Up With The Kardashians, naturally. You do see how we’re trying really hard to keep the snark at bay, right? We’re suckers for romance and yeah, we’ll even applaud at vow renewals because it’s all so sweet. But to use everything you got and more all for a TV show, just riles us up. And we’ve made our distaste for Kris quite clear in the past. But this is a ‘happy’ occasion, so we’re just going to grit our teeth this time and say, ‘Congratulations’. That’s how well behaved we are.

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Kim Kardashian’s Embarrassing Bachelorette Party

It looks like Kim Karadashian has discovered the truth about bachelor/bachelorette parties: they are horribly embarrassing. Sister/maid of honor Khloe made sure of that. “My bachelorette party was very embarrassing [with] penis straws [and] everything penis-themed,” Khloe told People Magazine. “Kim is very uncomfortable with all that stuff, so I’m going to go all out and embarrass her, because it’s just fun.”

And true to her word, she ensured that male genitalia was seldom out of sight at Kim’s bachelorette bonanza, held this Saturday at Las Vegas’s exclusive Tao Club in the Venetian Hotel. In fact, there was even a cake shaped like a dude sex organ (technical term), which makes the 15 year old in all of us laugh a little. And of course there was the appearance of a little person stripping on a table, which no bachelorette party would be complete without.

“My sisters are doing everything they can to embarrass me,” the bride-to-be told her assembled crowd, including her sisters Khloe and Kourtney, mother Kris Jenner, and friends LaLa Vasquez Anthony and Brittny Gastineau. It seems like one party wasn’t enough for Kimmy, because she soon wheeled over to the nearby Lavo Nightclub and crashed future-hubby Kris Humphries’ bachelor party. Check out the (PG rated) pix in the gallery below!

[Photo: Getty Images]

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