Keeping Up With the Kardashians

by (@missmuttoo)

Kris Humphries Has A New BFF … And He’s From Jersey!

Man, we love celebrity friendships. In the oddest BFF pairing we’ve heard of, it seems Kris Humphries and Vinny Guadagnino are now homies. Us Weekly reports that Mr. Kardashian and the Jersey Shore guido had a proper “boys night out” at STK in L.A recently, where Kris “seemed to be in good spirits.” The bromance was sealed when they two flew from New York to Las Vegas earlier this month, where a source says, “Kim slept the entire time while [Vinny and Kris] chatted the whole way.”

We see plot lines evolving on Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Perhaps a story where Kim’s miffed that her husband is spending too much time with his bro? Tears! Drama! A walk on the Jersey Shore in moonlight to make up. Ah, the joys of “reality” television.

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Kourtney Kardashian Buys Baby Mason A Pet Snake

Umm…aww? Kourtney Kardashian decided that her young son Mason Disick should have a pet. Sounds perfectly natural, right? But then she had to go “Kardashian” all over everything, and the result: she went out and bought the 21-month old a snake. And this isn’t just a some friendly little garter, either. Apparently Baby’s First Reptile is “big and vicious.” Kourtney made the purchase in the New York City store Fauna yesterday along with little sis Khloe, who was understandably pretty grossed out by the whole ordeal. “Eww! It’s not mine,” she told photographers as they carried the serpent out of the shop. No word yet on what they named the snake (may we suggest “Scott Disick”?), but it now resides comfortably in the Kardashian suite at the Gansevoort Hotel where it passes the hours “snapping at the grass” in it’s tank. File this one under “Things they wouldn’t do if they weren’t followed by a camera crew.” Don’t forget to save the snake skin for Mason’s baby book!

[Photo: Splash News Online]

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by (@JordanRuntagh)

Kris Humphries Didn’t Realize Kim Kardashian Was Married Before

On the latest episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashains Kris Humphries was shocked -shocked!- to learn that his fiancee Kim Kardashian had already been been married once before. Which is weird because he could have learned this by doing a ten-second scan of his wife-to-be’s Wikipedia page. Yes, despite all the hype around Kim’s “big day”, people seem to forget that this ain’t her first trip down the aisle. In 2000 she tied the knot with record producer Damon Thomas, which ended in divorce four years later. But apparently no one told Kris about this until after the couple were already engaged. One of Kim’s relatives evidently let it slip during a Kardashian family vacation in Bora Bora.

“You were really married? You guys are serious?” gasped a visibly shaken Humphries as they sat around the fancy dinner table. The fellow Kardashian men tried to cheer him up, with some attempts more successful than others. “Kim wasn’t really married,” Rob Kardashian offered confusingly, while Scott Disick lived up to his mega-douche title by saying, “You really thought that you were going to the first?” Charming. Kris was pretty bummed out, moaning “I didn’t see that coming, that hit me like a ton of bricks. What else will Kim break to me?” But as we all know now, he got over it and the two lived happily ever after in the land of Donk.

What we wanna know is, how did this not come up before? Come on guys, communication is key to any relationship. Maybe the K-Kult were keeping the factoid hidden until they could spring it on him while the cameras were rolling. Ratings are ratings, y’all. But seriously, we thought that knowledge of Kim’s previous marriage was just kinda…out there. So we’re not sure who to be mad at in this sitch. Let this be a lesson to couples everywhere: always remember to Google your significant other before you pop the question.

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Kim Kardashian Uninvites 50 Wedding Guests To Fit Camera Crew

Life ain’t always easy for a bride-to-be. Just ask Kim Kardashian, who now has the awkward task of uninviting 50 guests from her wedding to Kris Humphries. But it’s nothing personal, you guys! It just looks like there isn’t enough room for all of her friends and the film crew for her four-hour reality show special. So rather than cut down on camera angles, some of Kim’s peeps are getting the boot. Can we get a sad trombone?

The happy Kouple are reportedly getting married at the Sotto Il Monte mansion in Montecito, Califorina. But according to sources, the local fire marshal wasn’t happy when he learned that a massive production crew and camera equipment would also be roaming the 10.9 acre estate. After much back and forth, the marshal demanded that Kim trim her list. With just two days to go before the big day, that’s probably gonna piss some people off. But hey, at least they can watch the blessed union in TV, right?

Despite the guest list trauma, Kim and her Klan looked radiant last night at the launch of their Kardashian Kollection clothes line in Los Angeles. Check out more in the gallery below!

[Photo: Getty Images]

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by (@missmuttoo)

Jenner Wedding Edition: Kris And Bruce Renew Their Vows

Did you know that Bruce and Kris Jenner had renewed their wedding vows? They did, earlier this spring, apparently, in Bora Bora! They re-sealed the deal on April 21 — which just so happens to be their 20th wedding anniversary — with the whole family around. Minus Khloe Kardashian and husband Lamar Odom who both couldn’t make it.

But the rest of Klan Kardashian represented and went all out, with everyone dressed in white! The ceremony was officiated by a Tahitian priest and it all went down on a serene hilltop at the Hilton Bora Bora Nui Resort and Spa. You can of course watch the episode on Keeping Up With The Kardashians, naturally. You do see how we’re trying really hard to keep the snark at bay, right? We’re suckers for romance and yeah, we’ll even applaud at vow renewals because it’s all so sweet. But to use everything you got and more all for a TV show, just riles us up. And we’ve made our distaste for Kris quite clear in the past. But this is a ‘happy’ occasion, so we’re just going to grit our teeth this time and say, ‘Congratulations’. That’s how well behaved we are.

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Kim Kardashian’s Embarrassing Bachelorette Party

It looks like Kim Karadashian has discovered the truth about bachelor/bachelorette parties: they are horribly embarrassing. Sister/maid of honor Khloe made sure of that. “My bachelorette party was very embarrassing [with] penis straws [and] everything penis-themed,” Khloe told People Magazine. “Kim is very uncomfortable with all that stuff, so I’m going to go all out and embarrass her, because it’s just fun.”

And true to her word, she ensured that male genitalia was seldom out of sight at Kim’s bachelorette bonanza, held this Saturday at Las Vegas’s exclusive Tao Club in the Venetian Hotel. In fact, there was even a cake shaped like a dude sex organ (technical term), which makes the 15 year old in all of us laugh a little. And of course there was the appearance of a little person stripping on a table, which no bachelorette party would be complete without.

“My sisters are doing everything they can to embarrass me,” the bride-to-be told her assembled crowd, including her sisters Khloe and Kourtney, mother Kris Jenner, and friends LaLa Vasquez Anthony and Brittny Gastineau. It seems like one party wasn’t enough for Kimmy, because she soon wheeled over to the nearby Lavo Nightclub and crashed future-hubby Kris Humphries’ bachelor party. Check out the (PG rated) pix in the gallery below!

[Photo: Getty Images]

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by (@missmuttoo)

Kris Jenner Gets A Face-Lift For Kim’s Wedding

Kim Kardashian‘s wedding to Kris Humphries is going to be a spectacle of, well, Kardashianical proportions. A source tells the NY Daily News, “ Kim really does want it to be America’s version of the royal wedding is going to be isn’t the only one primping for a picture-perfect wedding. It’s the most lavish event possible – no matter what it costs.” Of course it’s going to be, because it has to be a money-making machine.

Kim’s mom Kris Jenner, as always, has dollar signs in her eyes with the whole wedding-palooza. The source explains that she, “is worried that all the money that’s going to be made from the wedding [via the sale of photo rights and sponsorships] will have to go right back into it.” But she’s also worried about how she’s going to look at the wedding because everything is going to be broadcast to the far outreaches of the globe. Apparently, Kris just got a facelift. And all the Kardashians are talking about it because publicity is the reason for their existence.

Khloe Kardashian spoke about her mom’s procedure saying, “She looks amazing. They say you are supposed to have a lot of swelling for a week or so after, but I didn’t notice.” Jenner’s facelift will be a part of an upcoming episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, with the momager revealing, ”I’ve never had such a stressful morning, honestly, in my life.” Also, FYI, Humphries has also been talked into getting dental veneers before the wedding. Like we said, everything needs to be perfect, because perfect means a bigger paycheck!

by (@missmuttoo)

It’s All Settled! Kim Kardashian’s Butt Is In Fact, Real!

For anyone who had any doubts about Kim Kardashian‘s butt, we now have answers. No implants, guys! Her sister Khloe Kardashian blogged, “Hey dolls. The PROOF is in the X-ray. Kim’s ass is 100% real!!!” It’s all natural back there and to prove it, Khloe actually posted a picture of an X-ray of Kimmy’s butt! See? Looks quite normal in there, doesn’t it? And yes, they actually got an X-ray. We’re trying to imagine the doctors expression when the trio descended. Especially when Kim said something like, “Hi, I’d like to get an X-ray of my butt, please.” We’re guessing that’s how the conversation probably started!

Not that Ms. Kardashian would have gotten one on her own. She needed that extra push from her sisters, as Kim tweeted an explanation, “Haha! The things my sisters have me do! Proof baby! RT @KhloeKardashian: Kim got a butt X-Ray … See, it’s REAL!!! LOL.” And now we have Baby got Back stuck in our heads. Damn you, Kardashian sisters!

[Photo via Celebuzz]

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Kim Kardashian Cover Sales Slipping, People Worried About $1m Payday?

Paris Hilton isn’t the only reality star dealing with some consumer disinterest. Page Six says the people over at People are nervous about the $1 million they allegedly paid for exclusive rights to cover Kim Kardashian’s wedding after her engagement photos—which cost $300,000—failed to fly off the shelves. It’s too bad footballer Bret Lockett admitted he never met Kim despite his claims that they “hooked up”…People could use any controversy they can get! Maybe they even get the million back if Kim and Kris Humphries call everything off.

People and Kim deny that any deal has been made for the wedding photos, and if that’s true, the ratings of last night’s Keeping Up With The Kardashians premiere may decide how much Kim can actually expect to pull in for exclusive pics of the festivities. But even if the ratings slip, you can guarantee the Kardashian girls won’t just blame technical difficulties like Paris did. These women aren’t afraid to work for their money…as long as it doesn’t actually mean being good at anything. How about a pre-honeymoon sex tape, guys?

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Khloe Kardashian Flashes Nipple On Fox & Friends—And Fox Doesn’t Notice!

It’s been a big day for nipslip enthusiasts! As stunning as Lady Gaga’s wardrobe malfunction was at last night’s CFDA Awards, Khloe Kardashian topped her outrageousness by managing to pop a nipple out on Fox & Friends this morning. What makes it even more amazing? No one noticed! On the show with sister Kourtney to give a “sneak peek” (and how!) at the next season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Khloe’s nipple was initially hidden by a mix of hair and text bar. But between the zooming camera and the shifting socialite, astute Fox viewers eventually noted a dark circle under her sheer blouse, something no one on screen (or behind the camera) seemed remotely aware of.

Not that Khloe is embarrassed about it now. “I f—ing love nipples!!!!” she tweeted after fans told her about the slip, later adding “My mom just called me saying my nip slip is ‘all over the internet!’ Ha! Is it weird that I love it?! Who knew nipples were so special?” Gee, we dunno…Janet Jackson maybe? Check out the subtly NSFW video from Fox—for as long as it’s available!—after the jump.

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