Lawsuits

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Scarlett Johansson Threatens To Sue Cosmo, Bring Out New Album

My, Scarlett Johansson‘s having a busy week doling out the threats here, there and everywhere. Firstly, she’s got her knickers in a twist over the current issue of UK Cosmopolitan, claiming they ran quotes about her marriage to Ryan Reynolds that she never said. (To be honest, they’re so anodyne, we wouldn’t give a crap either way. Who cares if you REALLY uttered, “Ryan and I are in love and we’re enjoying our relationship together,” and “We’re like any other couple — we feel so fortunate to be together” as we’ve fallen asleep regardless?) And now she reckons we should all expect a second album from her in the future, after the underwhelming meh- huge success of her Tom Waits cover album earlier this year.

“I would love to do another album. I don’t think I’d do covers, so it’d be a project that I have to dedicate myself to. I feel like that’s something for the future,” she told MTV News.

Apparently, if she did have to do another cover, it would be of Leonard Cohen tracks. But please, Scarlett, please, no “Hallelujah”. Over in the UK, we’re already suffering from Hallelujah-itis, as X-Factor winner Alexandra Burke‘s version is set for No. 1 as the fastest download ever. And some smart aleck has also decided to re-release Jeff Buckley‘s version too, which is set for the No. 2 slot. We can’t take anymore meaningful, mournful songs. Please! [Photo: Splash News Online]

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Elton John Loses Sense of Humor, Libel Case

Phew! Our cherished right to take the piss out of ridiculous, inflated or just your common-or-garden variety celebrities has been upheld in the court of law. Notoriously sensitive flower Elton John this weekend lost a case he brought against British newspaper accusing them of defamation. Their crime? Writing a (not even particularly funny) spoof diary of the music superstar in their magazine, which satirized his annual White Tie and Tiara Ball. It seems sensitive Reg saw red at the clearly jokey piece which poked fun at “a preposterously lavish evening … [because A-listers are] the kind of people who wouldn’t turn up for anything less.”

“In a groundbreaking libel decision, the judge said that “irony” and “teasing” do not amount to defamation. The ruling offers protection to writers of satirical articles clearly not meant to be taken seriously,” the paper reported.

Hurrah! What great news that a pompous superstar can’t always act like a pompous superstar. Don’t get upset, Elton, we’re only teasing. Or are we being ironic? Either way, keep that lawsuit away from us …

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Josh Hartnett Did Not Bang A Girl In A Library, Wins Libel Suit

Josh Hartnett, not in the library, and not with the hottie. The Daily Mirror got celebrity sex tape addicts excited about closed-circuit video footage of the 30 Days Of Night star getting 30 minutes of heaven in the library of the Soho Hotel in London. “Like I don’t have a room!” said Hartnett, who sued the paper to defend his Man Whore name. The Mirror admitted earlier today that they were lying about the tape, and have paid the actor $30,000. Hartnett says he’ll give the money to charity, which means his career is doing better than we thought.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Citizen Scandal: 44-Year-Old Stripper Sues Over Age Discrimination

Last September, 44-year-old Canadian stripper Kimberlee Ouwroulis filed a lawsuit, claiming that she had been wrongly fired from the New Locomotion club in Stouffville, Ontario. Two months later, the case has become an internet sensation, with Fox News asking its legal panel whether her claims of age discrimination had any merit. We smell a TV movie coming!

In an interview with the National Post, Ouwroulis says she only began stripping four years ago. “It is unusual to start the business brand-new at age of 40. It really worked for me, because I enjoyed it, and maintained a great attitude.” Ouwroulis is looking for $100,000 in damages, claiming that she made up to $8,000 a month at the club. She’s now working at another club, but—as far as has been reported—her case is still pending.

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Prince Misquoted Over Gays, Sued Over Perfume

It’s only Tuesday, but this is already shaping up to be a weak week for Prince. First he was quoted in the New Yorker dissing gay marriage and claiming “God came to earth and saw people sticking it wherever and doing it with whatever, and he just cleared it all out. He was, like, ‘Enough.” This from a man who spent his twenties wearing women’s underwear on stage.

Countless fans were upset that the Purple One could be so intolerant, but this isn’t the first time he was accused of homophobia since his religious conversion to Jehovah’s Witnesses. The biography Possessed:Rise And Fall Of Prince included claims that he would only reunite with Revolution members Wendy & Lisa if they renounced their lesbian relationship. But Perez Hilton says that Prince was misquoted. “What His Purpleness actually did was gesture to the Bible and said he follows what it teaches, referring mainly to the parts about loving everyone and refraining from judgment…” We can only hope!

If this wasn’t enough bad publicity, he’s now being sued by the makers of his 3121 perfume. It seems the star hasn’t bothered to do any promotional work for the perfume line for over a year—despite plans to release a new fragrance in 2009. Sounds like somebody needs to do some PR damage control. Maybe he could hand out free samples at a pride parade.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Suge Sues Kanye For 2005 Shooting, Loss Of Earring

Embattled former Death Row owner Suge Knight allegedly started his career by hanging Vanilla Ice out of a hotel window—so it makes sense that the impresario would go back to harrassing rappers today. Knight is belatedly suing Kanye West for the shooting injury he received at West’s pre-VMA bash in August 2005. After all, it was the “Love Lockdown” star’s security that let the unknown assailant through, capping Knight in the leg.

Knight’s other grievances against West include loss of blood, the loss of a diamond earring worth almost $150,000, and having to take a private jet back to Cali (it was so necessary!). He’s also—we shit you not—hitting West up for the “mental anguish” Knight received over “the loss of use and enjoyment of the earring.” Pretty ridiculous, though if anyone would sympathize with the pain of losing diamonds, it’s West.

So why did Knight fail to sue West until now? It couldn’t have anything to do with Knight being under bankruptcy protection, could it? Still, it might be in West’s best interests to settle. Remember when Knight was arrested for beating his girlfriend in Vegas last August? That case is on hold, as the woman, Melissa Isaac, is now missing. Take heed, Yeezy.

[Photos: WireImage/FilmMagic]

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Tom Cruise Accused Of Bribing Judges In $265 Million Racketeering Suit

There are worse crimes than being glib, Tom Cruise. For instance, bribing judges! Church of Scientology critic Peter Letterese is accusing leaders of the controversial religion (including Cruise) of paying off a federal judge and others to hold up a $250 million suit he filed back in July. In response to these alleged dastardly deeds, Letterese has amended the suit for an extra $15 million.

Pushing a lawsuit against the famously litigous church would seem challenging enough, but accusing federal judges of taking bribes would make Letterese’s battle seem impossibly uphill. As an associate of Cruise told Fishbowl LA, “Without compelling proof to support these scurrilous allegations, like video of the judges being handed envelopes stuffed with cash, I think Letterese stands a better chance of successfully bouncing down a flight of stairs on his head than he has of winning this law suit.” Could Letterese be even crazier than this guy?

[Photo: WireImage]

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Elle Macpherson Threatens To Sue Over Rumors She’s Dating Coke Smuggling Friend

According to a statement from her attorney, Elle Macpherson has a “friendship” with Brian Burgess, the former coke smuggler that the Daily Telegraph romantically linked to the model. “Miss Macpherson is aware of Mr. Burgess’s past conduct and also that Mr. Burgess has and continues to take significant steps towards restoring his life.” Don’t read too much into their palling around, though. If you suggest they’re dating, she’ll sue!

Miss Macpherson has a reasonable expectation of privacy in relation to her personal life; in the absence of a romantic element, the publication of the photograph and the innuendo created by it is a gross interference of Miss Macpherson’s rights.

There you have it. Macpherson is friends with the felon, but the idea of anyone presuming they’re a couple sends her into a litigious frenzy. Accordingly, the Telegraph has pulled their original story.

[Photo: FilmMagic]

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David Duchovny Sues Tab Over Tennis Instructor Affair Rumor

David Duchovny may be a sex addict who filed for divorce immediately after leaving rehab because his wife was texting sex addict Billy Bob Thornton, but he is not nailing his tennis instructor! That’s his story and he’s sticking to it! In fact, he’s going to sue the Daily Mail for $1 million for claiming otherwise.

The Mail’s story, which included an interview with the instructor in question, Edit Parkay, was online for less than a week before the paper removed it. But the damage had already been done, as gossip blogs (including Scandalist) hopped on the rumor like David Duchovny getting a free pass for a porn site. Sex addict Duchovny claims his sex addict name has been tarnished by the tab, and wants moolah now. The Daily Mail has no comment as of yet.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Lindsay Lohan Belatedly Sued By The Bros She Hijacked In 2007

Has it really been just over a year since Lindsay Lohan drunkenly drove those guys around in a white Denali? It feels like she and Samantha Ronson have been together for ages! Despite our distance from LiLo’s days of wine and DUI arrests, the bros she hijacked in July 2007 feel like it was only yesterday. Why else would Ronnie Blake, Jakon Sutter and Dante Nigro have filed suit against Lohan now?

The trio are looking for over $25,000 each for the “shock, surprise, fear and panic” they felt when Lohan commandeered their vehicle to chase her assistant Taryn. Despite the harrowing narrative shared in the suit (“Lohan refused to slow or stop, but instead responded with cursing and vulgar language, including a statement that she did not care about the risk of death”), Ed McPherson, Lohan’s lawyer, told TMZ the case is ridiculous. “These guys had the night of their lives, playing with the radio and leaving the vehicle at one point and getting back in.”

Well, sure, dude. They were partying with Lindsay Lohan! But that doesn’t mean they weren’t scared shitless or that they shouldn’t sue her a year after she did her day in jail for the crime, right? Right?

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