Looks like The People won’t have the chance to shower Charlie Sheen with the millions he (feels he) rightly deserves. A judge has denied Sheen the public trial he was angling for in his $100 million lawsuit against Warner Bros. after they threw him off Two And A Half Men. Instead, Sheen’s lawyers will have to engage in arbitration as his contract initially stipulated. You don’t have to be a bipolar multi-millionaire sitcom star going through withdrawal to shout “BORING!” between nervous tics at that news.
This loss for Mr. #Winning could be a bad sign for his case, leading the star to take quick settlement for far less than he’s currently asking (though he’d still make more than most of us would in a lifetime). With a new sitcom for Sheen being discussed, it might be in everyone’s best interest to get this whole matter settled anyway. We can’t imagine CBS still wants this story in the headlines when Ashton Kutcher’s debut on the show comes this fall, and Charlie probably just wants a paycheck now.
In case it wasn’t clear to you, we would highly advise against messing with Jennifer Lopez. She might seems like she’s just a sweet woman with inhuman hair extensions and a wardrobe of 500 beige outfits, but one doesn’t become a millionaire and bride of the Skeleton King without some bite in those veneers. After a judge gave J.Lo’s ex Ojani Noa, permission to distribute the Jennifer Lopez sex tape through a porn site last week, another judge has granted the American Idol judge a temporary restraining order preventing us from seeing those “15-20 minutes of total nudity.” It’s probably not that Jennifer minds us seeing her naked; it’s just that she’s wearing these hideous worn-out Sketchers instead of her Louis Vuitton, and she finds that just humiliating.
Reportedly Lopez headed back to court, this time successfully, after finding out Noa was planning to sell the video to his girlfriend/producing partner Claudia Vasquez for $1 as part of a broader distribution scheme. If you though Jennifer was going to stand by while a nude video of her butt was purchased for less than it costs to ride the bus, you were tragically mistaken. Vasquez lawyer Cris Armenta confirms that his client “cannot release any portion of the home videos and does not have the right to use the footage at this time.” Knowing J.Lo, she’ll probably drop $5 million on the classiest, most elegant porno known to man and release it for free, just to her ex and lady friend how it’s really done. Projecting onto the side of their house for the rest of their lives will only be the cherry on the vengeance sundae.
[Photo: Splash News Online]
Luckily for two domestic workers named Miriam and Myriam, Courtney Love’s maid lawsuit ended today with a judge ordering the Hole singer to pay almost $36,000 to her two former house keepers in unpaid wages dating back several years. The women also deserve some kind of cleaning lady Purple Heart for even attempting to cleanse Courtney’s filth hut but we understand, it isn’t in the judges’ power to hand those out. We’ll start a letter-writing campaign to President Obama…now.
Today’s ruling is only the latest in a parade of legal charges leveled at the singer, including Courtney Love’s Twitter lawsuits. Yes, there is an “s” on the end of that suit. As for her former maids, Miriam will be paid $16,632.45 and Myriam $19,137.27, though we’re assuming this doesn’t include the cost of the biohazard suits, industrial-strength hoses or powerful solvents needs to scrub the Love House down. If the judge had only factored in the emotional cost and hours of intensive psycho therapy needed after seeing Courtney’s bathtub, these women would be taken care of for the rest of their lives.
[Photo: Splash News Online]
Remember when Courtney Love had to pay almost half a million for calling designer Dawn Simorangkir an “a–wipe nasty lying nosebag thief” (among other things) on Twitter? It looks like someone else is giving this “Twitter defamation” thing a shot. The law firm Gordon & Holmes is suing the Hole singer over her tweet that partner “Rhonda J Holmes Esq of San Diego was bought off” and interview comments around that time where Courtney claimed a female lawyer abandoned her because they “got to her.” The firm claims that these blatant suggestions of bribery have damaged Holmes’ career and reputation, and they’re seeking unspecified punitive damages.
Seems like we’ve got a dangerous precedent here. No, we don’t think people should be allowed to hint to the media that lawyers have been bribed without proof, but as part of the gossip-entertainment complex, we’re a little worried that these legal maneuvers might keep Courtney quiet. Sure, most celebs she slams can’t say she’s hurt their career, but they could argue their reputation has been sullied—like when she recalls Kelly Osbourne’s drug problems, or her long-ago tryst with Gavin Rossdale or suggests ex Edward Norton lost her $300,000. She’s already given up Twitter…do we really want to see her give-up the tell-all interview too? Thankfully (for us), Love would probably rather be broke than not be able to talk s—.
[Photo: Getty Images]
While comedians are expected to keep their cool over hecklers, the stakes were a little different for Mike Epps recently. The comedian (and regular Ice Cube sidekick) just finished a series of stand-up dates in Texas, with his Grand Prairie gig Friday interrupted by a process server, who threw papers at the star (a photographer is suing him over an alleged assault in Detroit last year). “B—, f— you” said Epps into the mic. “This is from when I whooped that n—a’s ass in Detroit that time…B—, I don’t give a f—! Suck my d— on the back, ho! Money ain’t a problem, b—! I got a lot of problems, but money ain’t one. Thank you!” Surprisingly, Mike never mentioned the matter on Twitter until the video was posted online (“I am built for this s— !!!”), cracking Mother’s Day jokes and promoting his new movie Jumping The Broom instead.
Watch TMZ’s video of Mike’s rant after the jump.
Katy Perry had an errand to run in Melbourne today before kicking off her Australian tour tomorrow night—namely suing an Aussie magazine for claiming she cheated on husband Russell Brand. Perry is arguing that NW “gravely injured in her reputation and feelings…[causing] distress, embarrassment and humiliation” after the mag claimed she had an intimate relationship with “California Gurls” producer Benny Blanco. Katy claims that the magazine has refused to apologize despite obvious inaccuracies and could get up to six figures if she wins.
It’s possible this drama is the reason the star tried to hide her face behind a pink towel after leaving the Melbourne airport earlier today in a gray Chanel tracksuit, though it might have just been the jetlag Katy tweeted about (“After 1 latte, 3 espresso’s and a dose of vitamins I am still crashing like a redwood”). See the gallery more photos of the atypically shy singer.
[Photo: Splash News Online]
Sure, Kate Gosselin still has her TV show and Jon’s smoking on someone’s roof, but who’s worrying about the innocent bystanders most affected by the reality TV couple’s legendary meltdown? Of course, we’re referring to their marriage counselors. White Haven, Pennsylvania’s Creative Energy Commons is suing Kate Gosselin for $10,476 after the mother of 8 asked one of their doctors to fly to LA twice in early 2009 (for “marriage counseling”), and then refused to pay for the services or travel expenses. Maybe she assumed TLC would pick up the tab?
Timing-wise, these visits would have been around the time Kate was on her book-promoting tour while Jon was partying with co-eds in Pennsylvania. Doesn’t that seem like eons ago? Even more interestingly, the same doctor, Sylvia Lafair, was described in June 2010 as Jon Gosselin’s “life coach.” How come the bill didn’t come up around then? Maybe they were waiting until the whole divorce ordeal was over…to remind us of it all over again.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Oh, these Hollywood celebutantes, with their lack of jobs and their borrowed jewelry. When will they learn? Paris Hilton has found herself in some hot water these days, and it’s due to a very Lohan-like situation where she “borrowed” some jewelry and “forgot” to return it.
Hilton is being sued by Damiani for not returning $60,000 worth of jewelry that was on loan to her. The story isn’t quite as simple as Lohan’s necklace situation, however. Daimani loaned Hilton the flashy gems in 2007, with the promise that Hilton would keep them in a vault or safe when she wasn’t wearing them out in public. Alas, Hilton merely stashed them in her closet, and they were stolen from her home in late 2009. They were later recovered by police, but Hilton has still not returned the jewels to Daimani, and the company wants them back. The lawsuit reads “On December 18, 2009, Ms. Hilton left the front door to her mansion unlocked. Like the front door, Ms. Hilton also left the safe unlocked that was supposed to be used to secure the loaned Damiani jewellery. …Despite having recovered Damiani’s jewellery, [Hilton has] failed to return all of the jewellery to Damiani as required by the Agreements.” Oh, girl. Just give the stuff back, you can afford to buy yourself some new jewels. Besides, those ones are so 2007.
[Photo: Getty Images]
You may recall that back in 2009, Bret Michaels and the rest of Poison played a Rock of Ages tribute at the Tony Awards that ended badly when a set piece fell on Michaels’ head. He was sent to the hospital for stitches and treatment for a broken nose as a result of the mishap. Well, nearly two years later, Michaels is suing CBS and the Tonys. His lawyer, Alex Weingarten explains “The Tony Awards dropped a piece of the stage on Bret’s head, and then instead of doing the right thing, joked about it and played it off for ratings … Bret never wanted to file a lawsuit, but the Tony Awards have left us with no choice. They must be held accountable for almost killing Bret, and that is what we are going to do.”
Sure, a few stitches doesn’t sound serious or like Bret was “almost killed,” but the suit alleges that the head trauma he suffered could very possibly be a cause for the brain hemorrhage he suffered in 2010. Bret claims he asked for direction on how to exit the stage after his performance and “was just told to walk off the rear of the stage — in what was ultimately the danger zone” where the piece of scenery slammed into him.
Back in 2009, Michaels wrote, “I am trying to remain very positive and somewhat humorous about the whole situation. …Over the last few days a lot of speculation as to what happened and who is to blame have surfaced. I need to make clear at no point since the incident occurred do I feel like the accident was malicious in any way and I feel this will all work itself out. However I must state I found it a little strange that the only statement released by the Tony organization was that I missed my mark and that I was completely fine.” Unfortunately, it seems like the humor of the situation has been lost and it’s time to take action. He is seeking unspecified damages.
[Photo: Getty Images]
This is one of the more interesting lawsuits we’ve come across recently: Quentin Tarantino is suing his neighbor, True Blood creator Alan Ball, for having noisy pet birds. Tarantino lives next door to Ball and his partner Peter Macdissi and says that the outdoor aviary full of incredibly loud macaws that the couple installed on their property is basically ruining his life. The lawsuit explains:
“On a daily basis Defendant’s Macaws, large tropical birds known for their loud squawks and screams, are placed in an outdoor aviary where they emit blood-curdling screams at random intervals for 7 to 8 hours each day, Nearly every day, Mr. Tarantino and other in his home are subjected to the Macaws obnoxious pterodactyl-like screams, which are not only starling, but have also seriously disrupted Mr. Tarantino’s ability to work as a writer in his home.”
Hashtag this story #RichPeopleProblems or maybe #KillBallVolume2? Ball had better watch out though, if there’s one thing Tarantino is a master at, it’s coming up with creative ways of avenging those who have been wronged, and these birds might provide some inspiration.
[Photos: Getty Images]