Only one minute of Hulk Hogan’s sex tape was leaked to Gawker last week, but that sixty seconds was all it took to make us want to drill into our brain and suck out the memory of it with a shop-vac. Hell, it was so bad it caused Linda Hogan to get a DUI! Ok, that’s probably not true, but it totally deserves to be. So when we learned today that the Hogans are scared a second tape might leak, we’d like to offer them a hearty: “SO ARE WE!”
The wresting/pasta legend is reportedly bracing his family for the possibility that more of his sexual exploits have been recorded for the ages, and they may be coming to a web-browser near you. “After the first video was leaked he warned Linda, Brooke and Nick that he could of been caught on camera in the past,” a source close to the family told RadarOnline. We interpret that as code for, “Dammit, why did I do that more than once?” Despite his threats of massive legal retaliation, the Hulk and Co fear the damage another sex tape could do, especially in the wake of Linda’s arrest last week.
We are by no means blaming Linda Hogan‘s decision to drink and drive on the leaked video of Hulk Hogan‘s long-foretold sex tape. That being said, it’s not like she got a DUI last week. Or next week. Or any subsequent week in which the world didn’t get a glimpse of her ex-husband in flagrant delicto, as Tim Curry‘s character in Clue might put it. Honestly, we ourselves almost veered off a bridge after peeping the video, and we weren’t even in a car.
According to TMZ, Hulk’s ex was allegedly pulled over for speeding in Malibu early Thursday morning, after which the police arrested her on suspicion of DUI. She was released several hours later on $5,000 bail, having possibly been charged for driving on a suspended license. Interestingly, sources alleged that Linda’s blood alcohol level was .084, barely above the legal limit of .08. Her rep claims that Linda merely “drank a glass of champagne on an empty stomach — in combination with antibiotics that exacerbated the effects of the alcohol.” Her or she then added, “Also, did you see that sex tape clip? Good god.” We’re kidding, of course. Linda’s rep didn’t say anything about the sex tape, because he or she didn’t have to. Show that sucker during Linda’s court date and no jury in the worldwould convict her.
First Kindergarten Cop, now Mr. Nanny. Must all the brawny, thick-necked men of our childhood turn out to be skeeze balls? In Linda Hogan’s Today Show interview, the wrestler’s ex described how Hulk Hogan‘s allegedly violent tendencies had her fearing for her life, before and during the filming of their show Hulk Knows Best. As Matt Lauer quotes from her book Wrestling the Hulk: My Life Against the Ropes, Linda writes, “[Hulk] tore my shirt. He threw lamps. He held me down on the bed with his hands around my throat during arguments, slamming doors, pounding walls. I was always afraid he would kill me in one of his rages.” Considering Hogan once declared that he “understood” how O.J. Simpson felt, that sounds like a completely reasonable, terrifying assumption to us.
In addition to the Hulk’s alleged domestic abuse, Linda Hogan tell-all book goes on to detail the drug abuse she saw going on throughout the wrestling community, as well as son Nick Hogan‘s car accident in 2008, which permanently disabled his friend John Graziano. Says Linda about Hulk’s abusiveness, “He did not feel remorse — and to this day he’s never apologized for any of his actions.” Ugh, and we forgot he was in Muppets In Space too. See, this is why we can’t have nice things.
Cougars work alone and tend to stalk their prey slowly and quietly. You never know when they’re going to strike but when they do… it’s all over. Remarkable similarities with Linda Hogan (umm, apart from the “quietly”). Only Linda’s marrying her 21-year-old prey, Charlie Hill. Totally against the laws of the jungle!
But since cougars play their cards very close to their (in this case, very ample) chests… you never know what they’re really up to. Her ex-inmate son Nick Hogan has even been kept completely out of the loop. Because in this jungle, you announce your happy news to the press first, and not your family. Therefore, Nick doesn’t know of mommy dearest Linda’s wedding-across-the-ages plan.
The most clueless Hogan of them all pouted, “Nobody has actually confirmed it me.” Nick, you were at David Hasselhoff‘s roast (what?). We doubt anyone wanted to be associated with you, especially at that time.
But the point is, Linda actually hasn’t said anything about the engagement. Hulk Hogan did. And it’s unlike Linda not to blab. And Nick says he spent the day with cougar mommy and her newest cub (eww) on their yacht (hah, Alimoney) the day the news broke and as he put it, “ Nobody said anything about an engagement. There was no champagne, no party, no big happy celebration.”
So is this engagement all a load of bulls**t? It might just be, with Linda milking it for all it’s worth. Nick also stated that he called his mother to flat-out ask her about the rumors and she said, “No, they are just promise rings.”
Could it be…no trashy wedding? It does look like this might just be one giant hoax. Maybe Linda didn’t want to lose face because the Hulk got engaged first.
When we look at all the mistakes we have made in our lives (and there have been SO MANY!!!), one of the most obvious has been our unintentional neglect of the diva known as Linda Hogan. Made famous as the wife of Hulk Hogan (who is also engaged) on Hogan Knows Best, Linda stole our hearts with a blindingly blue-white smile and a quick mascara-caked wink. Days, even weeks, go by without us sitting upright in bed, covered in sweat and wondering what Linda Hogan is doing right that second. And for that we are truly sorry. So today, in addition to sending out that hearty apology, we would like to congratulate Linda on her recent engagement to her fiancé Charlie Hill, who looks like a male clone of Linda created of herself. Any woman should be so lucky!
In celebration of this happy event, we would like to expound on some of the things that make Linda the epic diva she truly is:
She appears though she was molded out of orange Play-Doh, like a beautiful peacock made out of lumps.
She has the gumption to stick to her particular type of highly inappropriate boy toy: bleach blond, hyper tan, and younger than her own biological offspring.
She has a boat named the Alimoney (?!?!?@#$^&!*@!), on which she is getting married next summer to her 21-year-old fiancé. Who used to be her son’s best friend. And is 21.
She has a boat named the Alimoney on which she is getting married next summer to her 21-year-old fiancé. Did you not read that the first time? That is all we need to know! To be fair, her fiancé looks like he is 21 going on 63, and that’s on a good day. Linda’s daughter and Future Cougar Brooke Hogan has said about her mother’s November-January 1 relationship: “I personally don’t like it at all or condone it, but she’s my mom, so I have to show her support. I went to school with him. He was a grade under me. Me and Nick know him well.”
Look, Brooke, sometimes divas (that are also your mom) make decisions that make average people like us say, “Oh God, why?” And yes, while marrying her son’s friend does kinda make Linda her own grandpa, we have to accept that divas are like beautiful comets. They are with us for only a short time, expelling gas and dust into the atmosphere until they crash onto South Beach. At this rate, we believe Linda has the goods to easily become a Coco-level celebrity in our eyes, and we are happy to give her a leg up. Even if it means having to go to the dry-cleaner to get all the bronzer off of our pants.
Hulk Hogan dished a lot of dirt about ex-wife Linda Hogan in his autobiography last year, and now she’s planning her revenge. Brooke‘s mom, who complained about the “sensationalism” in Hulk’s My Life Outside The Rings, is hawking a tell-all covering “all the trials she endured during the marriage, NickÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s accident and the things she has accomplished.” “I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t think [Hulk] will like it,Ã¢â‚¬Â her attorney Ray Rafool told Pop Tarts. Ã¢â‚¬Å“Unless it is his version, everything else is not true. But Linda isnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t writing it for him.”
Linda, who recently settled with the family of son Nick Hogan‘s car crash victim (“I felt it was the right thing to do”), is searching for more than just a publisher, though. The former Hogan Knows Best star is looking for a new reality show of her own. Said Rafool, “She is glad that all the negative matters of her life have concluded and that she’s able to go on with positive, affirmative actions in the future.” Right after she gives her two cents on the past, of course—and makes a little off it.
Hulk Hogan‘s suicidal thoughts and other turbulent events that have taken place in his life over the last two years are supposedly accurately recounted in his new book, My Life Outside The Ring, but his ex-wife Linda Hogan seems to think his “biography” should be shelved under “fiction.” Hulk makes shocking accusations about his ex-wife, claiming that she is an “abusive alcoholic,” which Linda vehemently denies.
“As far as what he has said about Linda, it’s not accurate about her being involved with heavy alcohol and being abusive, and trying to hit Nick with a wine bottle? Absolutely false. It’s disappointing and it is irritating. We disagree and wish he would have stuck to the facts instead of sensationalism to sell his book. It does reheat a lot of stuff, but it makes her feel all the more happy that she’s divorced and away from him. He’s Jennifer’s problem now,” Linda’s rep said, referencing Hulk’s new girlfriend Jennifer McDaniel.
Although Hulk and Linda’s daughter Brooke Hogan has reportedly had a rocky relationship with her mom, Linda’s rep says things are A-OK. “They’re very good. Brooke has been spending a lot of time with Linda in California. It’s been a great revolution that they are back together, mother and daughter, very close, and in fact, she talked to Brooke today at least once or twice,” Linda’s rep claims. “They’re back the way it was. It’s one nice thing about the divorce being over, the kids don’t have to feel they’re in the middle anymore.” [Source: FoxNews.com; Photo: Getty Images]
In his new book, Life Outside The Ring, Hulk Hoganreveals the harrowing depths of his despondency following the dissolution of his marriage and son Nick Hogan‘s imprisonment for a grisly DUI accident. “I practically begged [ex-wife Linda Hogan], ‘Please, don’t file. Our son’s just had this accident – if we do this now, it’ll make us look like the Britney Spears family. Please, don’t file for divorce.’”
After one particularly wild night in December 2007, Hogan came home from a strip club to an empty house. Contemplating suicide after mixing Xanax and rum, the wrestler got as far as putting his finger on the trigger when he received a phone call from Muhammad Ali‘s daughter Laila, his American Gladiators co-star.
Hogan also discusses his relationship with Linda in the book, accusing her of abusive behavior towards the family. “In public, we were all having the time of our lives, but that public image only further masked the problems that were growing behind the scenes,” Hogan writes. “There were plenty of times when Linda would lose it, but no one wanted to see that kind of ugliness on TV.” Life Outside The Ring hits shelves next week.
Hulk Hogan and ex-wife Linda Hogan‘s agreement they reached a few weeks ago apparently didn’t really settle all the drama between the two former spouses. Now Linda wants her Harley back from Hulk or else she wants him thrown in jail!
Linda filed a motion in Pinellas County Superior Court in Florida on Tuesday for the “Enforcement of the Confidential Marital Settlement.” In the suit, Linda claims that the Hulk has failed to release her Harley Davidson motorcycle and pay her $225,000 on August 7th as promised. And if the Hulk refuses to comply – she has filed a request to have him “incarcerated.”
So much for that statement they released less than a month ago saying they were happy and wanted to “work together” as parents. [Source: FoxNews.com; Photo: Getty Images]
Brooke Hogan may think her dad was joking about understanding O.J. Simpson, but mom’s taking it very seriously. According to TMZ, Linda Hogan asked a Florida court to make Hulk pay her another $8,200 a month so she can move to California, claiming she’s in “imminent danger of becoming a victim.” She also wants $24,000 for advance rent and a deposit.
Another $100,000 a year out of his wallet. Somehow we don’t think this will make Hulk feel less like OJ.