We don’t know how exactly to put this, but we’ve been gathering evidence (mainly from this Grantland post) and we’ve come to the conclusion that the rapper DMX might actually your great aunt on your father’s side. As suggested by a recent interview with Power 105.1, DMX too is charmingly perplexed by computers and the Internet. Other than his history of drug possession and animal cruelty, DMX and your great aunt could be twins! Let’s break down the facts, shall we? Both DMX and your great aunt…
Love pairing a gigantic diamond cross necklace with t-shirts.
Are open enough to admit, “I don’t even know how to use the computer.”
Are stubborn enough to declare, “I don’t want to learn how to use the computer.”
Generally seem baffled by the computer, describing it as “scary.”
Don’t know you have to hit Enter when Googling and we are dying now.
While unfamiliar with the Rainbow Wheel of Death, know instinctively to hate it: “I don’t have patience for s— like that.”
Don’t seem to mind when content editor Vanessa Denis publicly chastises them for reaching for the wrong mouse.
Act like computers, Google and technology are so preposterous, no adult should be expected to master them, claiming “That’s like something you call somebody, like a baby ‘goo-goo’ — it’s weird.”
On the other hand…DMX claims “I know how to do it on a phone,” which is proof positive he and your great aunt are not literally inhabiting the same body. Other than that, the case is still open. We were going to say this video opens up a whole line of questioning about what DMX’s life is like, but we’re pretty sure we have an idea: infinite soft caramels, microwavable socks and all the Dateline episodes a person could want. All of which sounds way better than the Internet 99% of the time.
Some of you might have forgotten about Anderson Cooper‘s adorable child-like snicker. It has been a little while since Cooper lost his damn mind on “The Ridiculist” this past August while talking about French actor Gerard Depardieu going number one in front of his fellow (horrified) passengers on an Air France flight. Luckily for you, Anderson couldn’t contain his glee while reporting on Buffalo, New York’s annual Dyngus Day last night, and the world was once again blessed with his absurdly cute tittering. Listen to it! It’s like a Smurf enjoying a knock-knock joke! It’s like cartoon sunshine…for your ears!
The second best part of Cooper busting a gut on camera? All the painful squee faces he makes trying to hold it together long. Fortunately, we captured each and every grimace for your giggling pleasure:
Lindsay Lohan and Debbie Harry might have a 41 year age difference between them, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have a few common interests. Like having fabulous bleached bangs, for instance, or bundling up so that only their sunglasses peep out of their famous person disguises! So you can’t really blame the paparazzi outside New York’s Mercer Hotel for mistaking the Blondie singer for the Mean Girl actress You can’t blame them, but you can, however, laugh and laugh and laugh at their stupidity…
Then again, in the days leading up to her SNL hosting gig until she flew back to L.A. with sister Ali yesterday, Lindsay had been shuffling around Soho with a similar incognito look. Sure, some people might think this mix-up is an inadvertent insult about Lindsay Lohan’s recent…facial appearance. We prefer to think of it as a huge compliment for Debbie Harry! Look at that smooth, pale skin! Look at those sweet shades! Where’s Debbie’s hosting gig, Lorne? Can she beat Lindsay’s ratings, seeing as how Lilo brought in the second biggest SNL audience this season after Charles Barkley? We smell a new episode of What’s Up With That? brewing already!
Before today, we knew LOL as the movie starring Demi Moore and Miley Cyrus that had to have a pot-smoking scene removed because of Miley’s salvia incident. Now, a trailer of the pic is out, and it looks like a standard-issue teenage rebellion movie. Except for the fact that it stars Miley Cyrus and Demi Moore. And also, this: Douglas Booth.
Because, wow. Those cheekbones. Those lips. We are seriously looking forward to when Masterpiece airs Great Expectations this spring (he’s Pip to Gillian Anderson’s Miss Havisham), and we might have to check out the Starz Pillars of the Earth miniseries. And here’s an interesting way to get your start as a heartthrob: the 20-year-old model-turned-actor played Boy George in the TV-movie Worried About the Boy.
Well, LOL (which is based on a French movie by the same name) still has no release date, but we will be looking forward to marking that on our calendars now. And after that, he’ll be in Romeo and Juliet opposite Hailee Steinfeld and Paul Giamatti, with a screenplay by Downton Abbey creator Julian Fellowes. In the meantime, browse this gallery, and then watch him fulfill our every dream by performing in what looks like a Lost tribute band and then inviting Miley to PARIS.
Celebrities! They’re just like….you know, like those weird neighbors that keep really loud donkeys for no fathomable reason. Reportedly Reese Witherspoon’s pet donkeys Honky and Tonky having been bothering the families that live near her California farm, though clearly not by having names that aren’t cute enough. Reportedly Witherspoon’s miniature donkeys are constantly braying, and as one local claims “they’re driving us crazy!” But Reese has an Oscar! Doesn’t that sort of balance it out, as far as neighbors go?
Witherspoon’s property is also home to pigs, goats, chickens, and a horse, all of whom probably probably cannot stand Honky and Tonky when they get like this either. “It’s so bad that a few residents have sent her a letter,” a neighbor told Us Magazine, while another wants to reassure the Water for Elephants actress that “She’s beloved here. I’m not even sure she know what’s going on.” They’re just lucky she doesn’t bring home her scene-stealing costar Siam the elephant. She’d do it, too. Everyone knows once you start collecting livestock, you gotta big or go home.
There happens to be a pot-smoking scene in the film which Miley briefly appears in and that, coupled with Miley’s real-life drug controversy, makes the producers nervous. In an effort to avoid unnecessary drama, the scene is being digitally edited to remove any trace of Miley from it. A source says “The studio doesn’t want to take any chances having the controversy affect the film,” so Mandate Pictures is erasing Cyrus from any shots in order to nip it in the bud. So you see, it’s not just yourself that you’re hurting when you smoke drugs, kids. It’s the digital video editors who can’t believe they’re using their NYU Film School degree to erase Miley Cyrus out of a scene from a movie called LOL.
Why hello there, love child of Ed Westwick and Robert Pattinson. Who exactly are you and can we have a taste? The man in question, the chiseled statue of sex groping Miley Cyrus in the photo above, is a young chap/lad/fellow (hey, he’s British, we can call him those things) by the name of Douglas Booth, and he’s about to be the star of many a woman’s sex fantasy.
Douglas doesn’t have many credits under his belt, which means he’s ripe for corrupting. He’s 18, models for Burberry alongside Emma Watson, played Boy George in some BBC biopic and is now Miley’s co-star in LOL, currently shooting in Paris.
He caught our eye because he’s got RPattz’s ‘I just boned’ hair and firm man jaw, mixed with the smooshed, delicate facial features of our beloved Chuck Bass. Top that off with a stick-thin body only an 18-year old Brit can rock, and we’re in business. Start crushing on him now so you can be there amidst the rabid crazies to say you found him first.
But there comes a time when all the good-natured jokes at your expense become tired. Scratch that – exhausted. So give us a break and try and remember you’re 17 years old. Because when Miley Cyrus hits up a bar with Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, the world’s going to find out. And then we’re going to have to start all over again. You should know that a certain AbigailMSU busted you and tweeted, “I’m off to bed right now but just wanted to let you know Miley, Demi, and Ashton are at Mars Bar in Hamtramck as I type this.” And she has since been all atwitter about your bar-crawl shenanigans. She will hunt you down.
You should also know that bars are for people 4 years older than you, whether you’d like to believe it or not. Just 4 years, Miley! That’s not long to wait! We’re also loving this new LOL movie you’re doing with Dashton and Ashley Greene, but you can’t tell the world that you were shooting a scene at that bar. Because that is a lie, and people will find out…again. Your own production company ratted you out on that one, stating, “We haven’t filmed there. That is not a location for the film.”
So for future reference, spare us?
The fully legal FabLife team
[Photo: Getty Images]
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