Lopez Tonight

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Tracy Morgan Wants To Climb Michelle Obama Like “A Tall Mountain”

Tracy Morgan might be looking for a new country to call home if he’s not careful. While appearing on Lopez Tonight Monday evening, Morgan opened up about meeting our commander-in-chief at the White House Correspondent’s Dinner last summer. However, it seems like the 30 Rock star was far more impressed with meeting the President’s wife. Yes, Tracy Morgan has thing for First Lady Michelle Obama. And that’s putting it mildly.

“I looked at Michelle and she said, ‘Hi Tracy!’ and I just got hard!” Morgan over-shared. “Michelle looked like a tall mountain, and I’m gonna climb it just ’cause it’s there. Kilimanjaro!” We wonder if this is what the founding father’s had in mind when they outlined Freedom of Speech. Let’s hope the Prez isn’t the jealous type, or else Gitmo might have a new inmate.

[Photo: Images]

by (@missmuttoo)

Kirstie Alley Responds To George Lopez’s “Pig” Comment

Yesterday we got really riled up at George Lopez for calling Kirstie Alley a pig post her Dancing With The Stars debut. The not-so-funny “comedian” presented a clip of Alley on his show Lopez Tonight and laughed, “She did a nice job, her little hooves tapping away. Before the show she went to the market, then she had roast beef, and this is her going all the way home,” followed by a shot of the Geico commercial pig. His comments gave us a serious case of the stabbies, because that kind of “humor” just stinks.

We also thought there was no way she would take that sort of bulls—t sitting down and we were right. Only Kirstie responded to George with real humor, and she made sure she got it out there by using Twitter. Kirstie tweeted, “Don’t worry about George’s comments…just remember what happens to the big bad, drunk woolf [sic]…falls in a boiling pot of vodka. Piggy laughs.”  You go, Kirstie! Lopez, take notes.

by (@missmuttoo)

George Lopez Calls Kirstie Alley A “Pig” After Her DWTS Debut

We knew someone was going to take a cheap shot at Kirstie Alley‘s weight while she participates on Dancing With The Stars, and George Lopez proved us right. And he made sure it was a really low blow. On Lopez Tonight, Georgie reviewed some of the celebrity participants on the new season of Dancing With The Stars. Kendra Wilkinson and Ralph Macchio were included in his little dissertation. But then, in the manner of saving the best for last, came Kirstie.

While barely containing his laughter, Lopez showed a small clip of her dancing and said, “She did a nice job, her little hooves tapping away. Before the show she went to the market, then she had roast beef, and this is her going all the way home.” He then cut to an image of the pig from a Geico commercial. Ha-FREAKIN’-Ha, Lopez. You just called her a pig, and that kind of humor makes you swine. We get it, she’s big. She has a show called Big Life. We just think he took it way too far. Forward to the 2:25 mark to watch him in action. BTW, Kirstie — who is 60 — rocked it on the show. We were surprised because the lady has some serious rhythm! We weren’t the only one’s who thought so, because the judges loved Kirstie’s performance too.

by (@hallekiefer)

Khloe Kardashian Compares Airport Security To Public Rape

Ho boy. Look, we know everybody’s been up in arms about the TSA making passengers get patted down or sent through a full-body scan. But is it really going help anything to hear that, according to Khloe Kardashian, airport security is just like being raped? While chatting with George Lopez last night, Kardashian described her traumatic encounter with an aggressive security employee, claiming, “They are basically just raping you in public.” So why not go through the full-body scan, girl? “I don’t want that X-ray to see everything, honey,” explained Khloe. Hmmm…which is worse, groped or nude? Either way, no amount of complimentary beverages in the world is going to make us feel less weirded out.

Still, how bad could it be to get felt up by security? “They say, ‘OK, I’m going to be patting you down and I’m going to be touching the crease of your ass.’ That is so inappropriate,” said Khloe. Yeah, inappropriate is one word for it. Also “horrifying.” Looks like we better start walking to our parents’ house now if we want to get there by Christmas!