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Sorry, Average Americans, Miley Cyrus Is Deeper Than You

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Oh, Miley Cyrus, will you ever learn? Always saying things that make you seem out of touch and as wise as, well, a seventeen-year-old. Whether it’s your admission that you’ve never actually heard a Jay-Z song despite singing about how that’s yo’ jam, or calling Twilight “a cult” that’s beneath you, you manage to come off like, um, you actually don’t know what other teens (or people in general) are into.

In this month’s issue of Teen Vogue, Miley’s at it again, this time going on and on about how she and boyfriend Liam Hemsworth are above and beyond the rest of us, with our shallow, stupid relationships that are just so, like, obvious, you know? Miley explains their connection, saying “I think we’re both deeper than normal people—what they think and how they feel. He’s very grateful for what he has, but he doesn’t let it go to his head. I’m like that too.” You can almost feel her spitting the words “normal people” and “what they think” out like poison. Hey, Miley! We’re normal people and we think we’re pretty deep. We have the angst-filled poetry journals to prove it, so get over yourself. Also, we’re of the mindset that anyone who publicly pole dances is in no place to judge others.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Lady Gaga Refers To Lady Gaga As Lady Gaga

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We know by now that Lady Gaga is unique, but in an interview with the New York Times Style Magazine that’s well worth reading in its entirety, she radiates more than just unique. Instead she delves into truly bizarre territory. It’s unsurprising but fascinating anyway, and she gets into a lot of detail about her glamorous persona, leaving her old self behind, and how she does it all for her fans. Some of the choicest bits are below.

On who she turns to for support:  “I have a spiritual guide, not a therapist but someone who in my mind is connected with a higher being, and he helps me a lot. What I like about him is that he doesn’t speak to me like I am a normal person. He understands that I have an eccentric way of life and personality. And he also understands that I am famous, and I appreciate that. He tells me that I no longer serve my life in the normal way that people serve their life, that I must serve the greater good in my service to the universe. And for me, it’s my fans. I only serve my fans.”

More on her love for her fans: “It’s almost like I want to hypnotize them so when they hear my music they love themselves instantly.”

On referring to herself in the third person: “I talk about myself in the third person all the time. I don’t live my life in the way someone like you does. I live my life completely serving only my work and my fans. And that way, I have to think about not what is best for my vagina but what is best for my fans and for me artistically.”

We don’t know what her vagina has to do with it, but we love her anyway!

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Sexpot Megan Fox Hasn’t Sexed That Many Guys

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The new issue of UK Harper’s Bazaar gives further explanation for Megan Fox‘s disconcerting lack of self-esteem—50% of her sexual experience comes from Brian Austin Green. “I’ve only been with two men my entire life. My childhood sweetheart and Brian. I can never have sex with someone that I don’t love, ever. The idea makes me sick. I’ve never even come close to having a one-night stand.” We don’t meant to suggest there’s anything wrong with being selective, but considering Brian’s tendency to avoid public displays of affection and her “childhood sweetheart” airing her dirty laundry, it sounds like she might benefit from letting a third guy into her romantic life. One that’s happy to be seen in public with Megan’s toe thumbs (grateful, even!).

Not that a new man is likely, considering her affection for the BAG man’s son Kassius,  “I am a stepmother to the fullest extent. I have looked after Kassius since he was three and he has no memory of life without me. For some reason, no-one wants to look at me that way, but I am responsible (for him) and I’ve never struggled with that.” Awww…we really hope Brian’s tries harder to remind her how precious she is. Check out the mega-gallery below and dream of being number three. Be, be, be my love….oooh-wa…

[Photo: Harper's Bazaar]

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Hailey Glassman Shows Jon Gosselin What He’s Missing

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Regrets, Jon Gosselin has a few. But we’re guessing Hailey Glassman‘s cover story in next week’s Steppin’ Out Magazine won’t make him regret splitting with the party girl so much as dating her in the first place. “Hailey isn’t shy in her interview inside the magazine, either,” we’re promised. “She discusses Jon’s various shortcomings: his personality disorder, his dishonesty and his penis.” Dear Lord. Here’s hoping he doesn’t fight back with a “JUDGE THIS, HATERS!” cover of his own.

While anyone would be upset about (allegedly) being framed for robbery by her ex, this display isn’t exactly how one maintains their dignity. Not that dignity will have any place at her upcoming 23rd birthday bash at Quo nightclub. “Black out or get out,” she posted in a mass Facebook invite, according to Life & Style. “Come out and party for my 23rd. I may be turning 23, but I feel like 32. Come help me remember what it’s like to be 23, aka young and fabulous again.” Here’s hoping she wears that fabulous leopard-print top.

[Photo: Steppin' Out Magazine via HuffPo]

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Jessica Biel Talks Timberlake In Vogue

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With that whirlwind of Justin Timberlake break-up rumors a couple months behind her, Jessica Biel sounds more than confident about their three-year relationship in her upcoming Vogue cover story. “It’s definitely been weird and sort of bizarre to deal with. But you have to have a sense of humor about the whole thing,” she tells the mag. “Honestly, I look at a magazine and they know more than I do.” But despite protesting that she “doesn’t want to talk about” the break-up rumors, she then shares “I don’t feel the need to clear anything up. [My relationship] is the most precious thing that I have in my life, and I care about it so much that I don’t care about what anyone says or thinks. I have just not addressed it in any real way, and I’m not going to. It’s mine. And I really like that about it.” Hear that, Rihanna? Lindsay Lohan? Grandma Timberlake? It’s hers!

[Photo: Vogue]

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Rihanna Goes Topless For GQ

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Uh oh, Rihanna! Your fly’s unzipped! The “Russian Roulette” singer went down the Jennifer Aniston road for her GQ cover, adding some short shorts but losing the tie. Racy photos of Rihanna unsurprisingly reside inside the mag as well, one featuring the singer in a knit halter top that’s a bit too short for outside wear.

“[Island Def Jam chairman] L.A. Reid came into the shoot,” Rihanna told her interviewer, “and he was like, ‘Rihanna, put some f*cking clothes on!’” When the guy pimping your album says you’re too nude…you’re definitely doing something right.

[Photo: GQ]

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January Jones Cleavage “Real,” Says GQ

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January Jones‘ racy GQ cover has raised some hackles—among other things—from those who know just how much photo manipulation goes on in the magazine world. In a move to curb the disbelief, GQ posted an interview with their own director of photography, Dora Somosi, who swears “they’re real, and they’re spectacular.”

[photographer] Terry [Richardson] likes to work with harder lighting, and that can create a stronger shadow—that, and body position and perspective could give the illusion that her breasts are bigger…Richardson prides himself on unretouched pictures, and we only hire photographers who operate that way. We like a natural look—there’s very minimal retouching.

We’ll take a pimple out or soften under eye dark circles. Or maybe there’s a wrinkle in the shirt, or even dust on the lens. January Jones needed no help. Trust me.

If we must, Dora. But does this mean Jennifer Aniston‘s nude cover was devoid of major manipulation too? No wonder John Mayer can’t stay away.

Related Content: January Jones Poses For Raunchy GQ Cover, Disses Ashton Kutcher

[Photos: Getty Images/GQ]

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This Is Eva Longoria, Apparently

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Yes, really. Desperate Housewife Eva Longoria graces the cover of tres arty French magazine Citizen K looking absolutely nothing like her real self and more like Dr Spock’s hot cousin (well, hot for a Trekky). While it’s interesting to see a cover star not in their usual boobs-out come-hither-boys pose, surely it might have helped sales of the magazine to make their famous cover star actually recognizable? Anyhow, we’re still not sure about those underpants she’s got on – even Lady Gaga might bypass them as too unflattering. Quel horreur!

We’ll be going inside Paris Fashion Week, reporting from the City of Lights from September 30th to October 8th. Get all the glam details on celebrity, fashion, runway shows, and parties here and follow the action on Twitter at LibbyTheFabLife!

[Photo: Citizen K Magazine]

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Reese Witherspoon’s Pity Party: “I Couldn’t Afford A Nanny!”

A little over a year after her divorce from Cruel Intentions co-star Ryan Phillippe, Reese Witherspoon has decided to let her agony out in the new issue of Elle Magazine. “[The divorce] was very humiliating and very isolating,” she says. Despite “fabulous” boyfriend Jake Gyllenhaal, she “still has moments where I’m like, ‘Nothings ever gonna make sense again.’”

Divorce does suck, but Reese’s pity party gets out of control when it comes to her first taste of motherhood. “When I first had Ava, I couldn’t afford [a nanny]. And it was so hard. I was out in Los Angeles, living [away from my family]. I really didn’t have any friends. And I had a baby. No one else who was 22 had a baby. I couldn’t go out.” Both she and Phillippe were making six figure salaries before and after Ava’s birth, collectively making $750,000 for Cruel Intentions alone (according to IMDb). That’s plenty for a nanny, Reese. Most young families don’t even have one parent making that kind of cash.

Just in case her ridiculous claim of poverty wasn’t alienating enough, she also wants you to know she doesn’t worry about her weight. “I’m made of cookies after the holidays. Everything inside me is made of sugar and flour and a little red wine—a lot of red wine.” White whine, too.

[Photo: Wire Image]

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Kanye Cannot Handle Truth, Grey Hair

Kanye West has taken to his blog to denounce rumors before, but this may be the first time he’s denounced a photograph.

I DON’T HAVE GREY IN MY BEARD IN REAL LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’M ALL DOWN WITH BEINGS IN MY 30′S BUT DAAAAAAAAMN!!!! THIS IS SOME BENJAMIN BUTTON’S SHIT!

Hey, “The Truth Hurts,” right? While Vibe has been accused of photo manipulation before (Ciara swears she wasn’t nude when she shot their October cover), it’s hard to believe they’d bother to CGI grey into his beard. Since he’s already posted a dozen shots of interior design since his cry of outrage, we’ll assume he’s not planning to get litigous. Still, consider this a warning: Kanye will not age gracefully. [via Dlisted]