Is that you, techno-hipster Jesus? No, it’s just Aaron Carter. But the reason he’s standing with arms outstretched, ready to accept all of life’s challenges is because he has finally found a life partner. Carter recently proposed to his 19-year-old girlfriend, Maile Hochuli, but the engagement’s not sitting well with us. For a plethora of reasons these nuptials seem doomed to fail; call us pessimists but we think maybe the couple should have thought this one through a little better.
First of all, Hochuli is 19, young by any standards, at least since post-Oregon Trail times. Second, she is still a student at a college in Orlando, Florida and Carter lives in Miami. Long distance is always a risk – those Disney monorails are convenient, but they sure don’t travel all the way to South Beach. In addition, Hochuli and Carter have known each other “for years” but they have only dated since “early 2010,” Star Magazine reports. Guys, technically it is still “early 2010,” there’s a brick of parmesan in our fridge that is older than this relationship. Another reason we worry for these two is that Carter proposed in the middle of a screening of Alice In Wonderland. A friend explained they went because “she has been dying to see [the movie]” but Carter proposed halfway through and “she didn’t get to see the end of the movie.” Boo! Tickets to that movie are like $20 and the girl doesn’t even get to watch the end? Come on, Aaron Carter.
Finally, it should be noted that Carter was engaged once before to Celebrity Rehab star Kari Ann Peniche and that engagement only lasted a week. Magic 8 Ball says this outlook is not so good. We hope we’re wrong, but we can’t help but worry for these two. However, as an engagement gift, we plan to send the poor girl a DVD of Alice in Wonderland because she deserves to see the whole thing. [Photo: Getty Images]