In case you live in some kind of maximum security prison on the moon and only just got internet access today, Men In Black III opened this weekend! While we know you and your sunburned relatives saw it, the threequel to Will Smith‘s career launching film allegedly only pulled in $70 million in the U.S. Despite the price of 3D tickets and Smith’s established reputation as an eerily youthful box office guarantee, that’s actually less than what the first MIB pulled made its first weekend. So what could have drawn an audience to MIB III of the same size and intensity that flocked to MIB? We don’t know much about movies, but having seen the flick, our spoilery suggestions include:
We came for aliens, not time travel! If we wanted time travel with a few aliens sprinkled in, we would watch Back To The Future and Earth Girls Are Easy on two TVs simultaneously.
The jokes might have had too much Big Willie style! Remember when there was that rumor last year alleging Will Smith hired his own writer for MIB III, a writer that the other writers were initially unaware existed? After seeing this movie, we wouldn’t be surprised. “The comedy of Men In Black is not exactly my comedy,” Will said at the movie’s premiere. He said it! Not us!
The last movie was ten whole years age! Maybe give the kids some way to get into the film if it they weren’t obsessed with MIB in eighth grade like we were? Then maybe 56% of the film’s audience wouldn’t have been over 25.
Emma Thompson is wasted talent! Excellent hair, but wasted talent.
*The super spoiler alert we’re going to write for our #5 so be warned* Who would leave a three-year-old in a car parked unattended on the beach? That’s the craziest part of the movie, and half the cast is literally aliens.
“Don’t be late for the movie, because then you’ll miss me!” Nicole Scherzinger told VH1 News of her part in Men in Black III. That’s not to say she wasn’t thrilled for her first movie role to be in none other than a major blockbuster franchise, especially since she doesn’t feel like she was just a stunt casting. “I auditioned for the role fair and square.”
This isn’t the former Pussycat Doll’s first foray into acting, mind you. “I actually grew up doing theater and my major in college was thea-TRE,” she said, with dramatic flare. “But I have a whole new respect, because I’m used to being onstage — doing film is a lot different.”
Nicole, if these faces you made for us are any indication, you should be onscreen a whole lot more:
Men In Black III hits theaters tomorrow, and director Barry Sonnenfeld could not be more thrilled…with how crazy successful he helped Will Smith become. “I’m so excited that I get to bring Will back to the big screen after four years of not being in the theaters,” Sonnenfeld gushed at the film’s premiere, reminiscing about the young actor he hired for the first MIB back in 1997. “In fact, we cast him from Fresh Prince. He hadn’t been in Independence Day or anything.” Joked Sonnenfeld, “I think Will Smith pretty much owes me his career.” The Hancock actor might not agree with the “entire career” part, but Smith definitely recognizes the films’ influence on his mega-stardom. “He hooked me up pretty good,” Will admitted. “This franchise is probably hands down the biggest franchaise of my career.” Laughs Smith, “I owe him a little bit. I’ll give him his props.”
Just a little bit, Will? Because after revisiting some of your early parts, we understand it if you constantly had Barry Sonnenfeld in a teary bear hug. Yes, we know Will’s break-out TV role was in Fresh Prince, but when it came to Smith’s film career, those early roles were a…lot less memorable roles. Homeless wheelchair-bound runway, anyone? Gay conman? Check them out for yourself, and ponder where Big Willie’s career would be if he had never put on that black suit to begin with:
New York got a little more steamy yesterday, thanks to these two ladies. You got to love fire-engine red when it’s done right. We’ll start with Nicole Scherzinger on the left, who was attending the Men In Black III premiere in the city. She put on this gorgeous cherry colored Bill Blass dress and added Lorraine Schwartz jewels along with Giuseppe Zanotti sandals and a Jimmy Choo clutch. Smart stylist! The fit is just perfect on her, and we’re glad she put on a strappy shoe as opposed to a clunky heel, as many starlets seem to be doing these days. We also love the length, and the halter is elongating that incredible body of hers.
Somewhere in the same city, photographers happened to run into Kelly Rowland leaving her hotel. She’s obviously headed to some sort of event, or a really glamorous date, because will you look at her gown? She’s working it out with that crimson color. This is her shade and she should live in it. The long, open hair adds an even sexier touch and those white ankle-cuff heels seem to be doing all the right things, too. This, in a way, is the longer version of Nicole’s dress. Both the singers have hit home runs in their red ensembles. Want to help us out with a winner?
We were happy to end our week with this ridiculous image of Will Smith backhanding a Ukrainian reporter who attempted to kiss him at the Moscow premiere of Men in Black III. But then the story got even better. After TMZ posted the video of the incident, which just made us feel much better about every awkward encounter we’ve ever experienced on the red carpet (sooo embarrassing when actors stare blankly at you for asking a question about vampires), we started to dig around to figure out who this reporter was. The site said kissing actors is his shtick. And we found something sooo much better than some guy pulling a Borat impression with unsuspecting Hollywood stars. We are almost certain that the man in question is none other than Vitalii Sediuk. OK, sorry, that name meant nothing to us either. Until we dug a little further and discovered he is the guy who gave Madonna those dreaded hydrangeas at the Venice Film Festival last year. Watch both videos below and we think you’ll be convinced too.
My first instinct is to thank Vitalii, for making the rest of us reporters look good. My second is to want to backhand him ourself. I can just see stars starting to put up plexiglass barricades between themselves and us. When all we really wanted to do is find out whether they prefer True Blood or Twilight.
Is it really “side boob” if 94% of your chest is visible? Can it be called a ‘nip slip’ if your dress was never designed to cover your nipples anyway? Speaking of nipples. where … where are they? They are going to have to make a Men In Black IV just to get to the bottom of these mysteries! Germany’s Next Top Model contestant Micaela Schaefer took to the Men In Black III red carpet in Germany wearing what appears to be unspooled VHS tape tied to a necklace. We are always telling people to belt it. We’ve just never been referring to Halloween streamers they bought at the party supply store!
Other stars like Will Smith, Josh Brolin and Nicole Scherzinger also attended yesterday’s premiere, not that you’d know it. Seriously, how is it that Micaela here can wear what amounts to an electrical tape gown in public and not be immediately escorted off the premises as the rest of us would? We need answers! Someone get us Tommy Lee Jones, a black suit and one of those dealies that erases your mind! On second though….just the mind-erase dealie. We’re way too lazy to travel through time for this…
Sorry, Snow White. Nothing personal, Thor. Of course we still love you, the Batman. We always will. It’s just that when it comes to summer movies, we love a glowering villain as much as we love a virtuous hero. Maybe a little more. Maybe … a lot more.
Luckily for us (and you!), this summer’s films are jam-packed with some of the most malevolent evil characters imaginable, ready to face off against the hottest heroes and heroines from May to August. Tom Hiddleston reprises his Thor role as power-hungry extraterrestrial Loki in this week’s The Avengers, while Flight of the Concords’Jemaine Clement breaks Will Smith‘s stride as an easy-riding alien by the name of Boris in Men in Black III. Closer to home (and to your childhood nightmares), Queen Charlize Theron goes after Kristen Stewart‘s heart (not in the romantic way) in Snow White and the Huntsman, while Eva Green does the same to Johnny Depp (in both the romantic and evil way?) as smitten witch Angelique Bouchard in Dark Shadows.
Of course, not every memorable villain has to be from another planet or or the fairy-tale realm. Some of them can be regular ol’ criminal masterminds, like Salma Hayek‘s drug kingpin Elena in Savages, Faran Tahir‘s Cobra Commander in G.I. Joe: Retaliation, Bryan Cranston‘s Vilos Cohaagen in the Total Recall remake and Edward Norton‘s Byer in The Bourne Legacy. We are especially psyched to see Tom Hardy‘s Bane grapple the Caped Crusader in The Dark Knight Rises while Rhys Ifans takes on Andrew Garfield in The Amazing Spider-Man. Because what’s an epic battle scene with out an epic villain? A 15-second slap fight?
Not that every villain has to be locked in life-or-death combat, mind you. Some of them are just maniacally vain. Sacha Baron Cohen‘s General Aladeen in The Dictator, anyone? Catherine Zeta-Jones‘ high-strung Patricia Whitmore will also be inflicting all the damage she can against the demon that is rock in Rock of Ages, while Adam Sandler only accidentally ruins his son Andy Samberg‘s wedding/marriage/life. That being said, if you somehow get your only child to throw up on his fiance’s wedding dress … yeah, you’re the bad guy.
Finally, we have to give props to those villains who don’t even come in a humanoid package. We are dying to see what the surprisingly awesome-looking Battleship aliens look like under their masks (Weird eyes? Check! Four-fingered hand? Check!), and we’re all ready to take our hats off to the Piranhas 3DD piranhas. Not only are they blood-thirsty, they are also responsible for Ving Rhames‘ character having machine gun legs. What aren’t villains good for? Which big bad has your ticket-buying hands shaking with anticipation this summer? Check out our gallery of villainy, and cast your vote. Just remember: When it comes to picking a favorite archnemesis, there is no wrong choice.
Is it getting a little warm in here? It’s just the first of May, and we’re already fanning ourselves at our desk after putting together our own special Summer Movie Preview. We’ll leave the talk of comic books, green screens, box-office takes and mega-sequel expectations to some other sites, as we instead do what we do best: concentrate on those beautiful men and women on the big screens. And oh, there are a lot of them this summer. First, let’s take a look at the fine male specimens stepping up to save the world — from aliens, vampires, evil queens and other threats that somehow loom the largest between May and August.
Up until now, we’ve always thought of Alice Eve as “the hot blonde from She’s Out of My League, even though she’s had roles since then. That’s about to change, big time. The British babe endured hours of filming in a coffin for The Raven, in theaters April 27, so we’ll have those claustrophobic images seared in our minds for a while. Then she’s co-starring in Men in Black III (out May 25), as the younger version of Emma Thompson’s Agent O. And next year, we’re probably going to be referring to her as “Star Trek hottie Alice Eve.” In the meantime, we’re going to call her, the beautiful lady who climbed onto a table to show off her stunning stiletto booties while confusing our photographer by pronouncing Giambattista Valli so authentically.
Alice’s top and skirt are Dolce & Gabbana, and the shoes are the aforementioned Giambattista Valli. Her nail color is “tart deco” from Esse. If we paint our nails that color, we will look like her when we grow up, right?
Here come the Men In Black…the smell you can remember! Script problems have already turned the making of Men In Black III into a nightmare for everyone involved, but residents of Soho are a little more concerned with the stink problems. Not only is Will Smith‘s two-floor, 53-feet-long trailer annoying the locals with its size (“This thing is like a duplex. How would Will Smith feel if I parked that thing out in front of his house?”), they’re also complaining about the funk (“The smell that comes along with it is disgusting. It’s like living in a gas station. I really like Will Smith, but I would be embarrassed if that was my trailer. A little modesty goes a long way”). The trailer reportedly holds office space for up to 30 people (used by his notorious personal writing team) to a lounge bar, 100-inch movie screen and full-sized kitchen, though he has to go to his other trailer to work out.
Despite the complaints, the city and film producers Sony swear everyone’s following the necessary rules and regulations. Still, production assistants were reportedly heard calling a shooting this week a “fiasco.” See photos of Smith, co-star Josh Brolin, a horse painted like a zebra and ’60s-attired extras on set in the gallery below.