Remember when the bulk of movies were based on totally fresh, original concepts? Not so anymore, kids. In the past ten years, there’s been a full-on onslaught of ’80s remakes. From The Smurfs to RoboCop, moviemakers have stopped taking chances with interesting movies, in favor of mining hits from the past. We understand why, of course. What better way to get Generation X parents to take their kids to movies, than to lure them with childhood nostalgia?
Today in totally random news that resulted in us doing the kinds of Internet searches that would get us fired at any other workplace: Don Johnson’s penis. As sheltered children of the ’80s and ’90s, we weren’t exactly aware before today that the Miami Vice star — ex-husband of Melanie Griffith and father of Ben and Kate’s Dakota Johnson — has long been rumored to be particularly well-endowed. He appears in all kinds of lists of anatomically gifted famous men. That super reliable source of info, Wiki Answers, even posits that the actor is the origin of the use of “Johnson” as a euphemism for the organ — which we’re pretty sure can’t be true but find endlessly amusing anyway.
For some reason, however, Johnson, who co-stars in Django Unchained, was quick to debunk this rumor in a chat with Rolling Stone. “Look, I’ve seen guys with a lot bigger [penises] than me,” he said. “One time, I was in the Celtics locker room talking to Larry Bird and Kevin McHale … and there’s Dennis Johnson coming out of the showers and, dude, that’s who put the Johnson in Johnson. I mean, it must have shown on my face, because when I turned back to Larry, he looked at me and said, ‘I know, huh?’ and I was like, ‘Dude, that’s a weapon.’ ”
Well, that gives another meaning to this eulogy of Dennis Johnson, who died in 2007 of a heart attack: “He always rose to the occasion.” Sorry!
[Photos: Getty Images, NBC Universal]