Michael Lohan

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Ronson Gets The Last Word On Book Deal

So this Lindsay Lohan-Michael Lohan-Samantha Ronson feud thing. Yesterday, the story was that Ronson was writing a tell-all book about her life with Lindsay, Papa Lohan threw a hissy fit and talked about how Sam was using his kid, and Lindsay rebutted by telling him to butt out. We’re all caught up, right? Not quite. Ronson posted her side of the story on her MySpace blog last night to clear things up once and for all, unless Papa gets ants in his pants again and feels the need to make another public statement. In her post she denies that there will ever be a book — sort of a relief anyway (let’s leave the writing to the English majors):

“i really don’t want to say anything because i feel like he wins- he, being the man who is so desperate for attention that he goes to the media whenever possible- i know i am being used, i am just a pawn- easy to sacrifice in order to feed his addiction. I was angry when i first read his attack on me, but- for me- i believe that actions speak louder than words… so now i just pity him- i am not standing in his way- i am not the reason that he has no contact with his daughter- he is- his need to throw a tantrum for the whole world to hear is- i am not going to go into a play by play defense- i feel no need to publicly defend my role in lindsay’s life- i’m just sorry that she likes me more than him.”

p.s. i’m not the one that is so lost that i need to use my relationship with lindsay to earn a living…. i am, always will and always have been here for her for her- not for anything else….so I think it’s safe to say that there is not now and never will be a tell all….. written by me….. when does your book come out mr. lohan?”

It’s funny, the more the press pays attention to Ronson, the more awesome she seems. Too bad the same can’t be said about Mr. Lohan. [Photo: WireImage]

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Lindsay Lohan’s Father Engaged

Why does Daddy Lohan always do things backwards? First he confirms to the media that he has popped the question to girlfriend Erin Muller, then Lindsay finds out, then Erin gets a ring. “We picked out a ring, but it’s not official,” Michael Lohan told E! News.  Michael, 48, and his 24-year-old fiancé will reportedly make their engagement official after “some family issues are resolved.”  Will Lindsay and Sam attend the nuptials? What about mom Dina and little sister Ali? Maybe their family issues will get “resolved” and they will all show up as one big happy family to Ali’s first movie premiere a la Demi, Bruce and Ashton. [Source: E! News] [Photo:Getty]

by (@katespencer)

Anderson Vs. The Lohans: The Dumb Dad Speaks

Michael Lohan saw an opportunity to squeeze a little publicity out of the recent drama caused by Anderson Cooper – who insulted his 72-year old daughter Ali Lohan by calling her a “striptease person” – and released this statement: “I think Anderson Cooper is an opinionated, hypocritical idiot who should be an adult and keep his opinion to himself. He is the last person to judge anyone, when he and his own family have their own issues.”

Anderson is definitely a smug jerk with a f*cked family, but he’s also 100% right about Ali Lohan. Besides, the CNN star was just looking out for Ali, when he said she was “a 14-year-old girl, looks to be about 60… I say that with concern and love.” Judging from his relationship with eldest daughter Lindsay, it seems that that’s a lot more than Michael Lohan offers his kids. [DListed]

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@katespencer)

LiLo’s Dad Doesn’t Do Gay Marriage, Just 24-Year Olds

Lindsay Lohan should not bother asking her dad to walk her down the aisle if the person waiting for her at the altar in a tux is Samantha Ronson. Her dad Michael – a noble man of great scruples – just ain’t down with the lady-on-lady love. “I haven’t heard anything (about an upcoming wedding) from Lindsay, but if she was marrying Sam, I don’t think she’d ask me to walk her down the aisle,” says Pops Lohan. “She knows about my (Christian) faith … she just wouldn’t ask.”

Of course, of course. Michael is a spiritual guy who has risen above scandal and scum to lead his perfect, moralistic life by example. Why, just ask his 24-year old girlfriend, Erin (pictured above)! Yep, the 48-year old father of four is busy banging some chick just two years older than Linds, who he loves because she “has a great family and I love her dad”. And his pure, precious girlfriend? She’s passionate about guzzling booze, having once told HollywoodPoker, “I can drink most men under the table.”

Just as long as she doesn’t marry a girl!

[Photo: Splash Online]