We know it can be hard to nail down specific facts about a Lindsay Lohan news story. Honestly, there seems to be only one constant: Michael Lohan is the worst person ever. Allegedly. After her dad leaked the frantic phone call Lilo placed to him while fighting with her mother Dina Lohan in a limo this week, Lindsay told TMZ Live today that dad Michael “doesn’t know what it means to be a father. He doesn’t want to be a dad.” Duh, girl! We’re going to go ahead and suggest you take that man’s number out of your cell phone. Better yet, just throw that sucker into the back of a garbage truck and keep on walking! The phone, we mean!
Of course, Lindsay also apparently made some highly questionable decisions during the aforementioned limo feud. “I told my dad a really hurtful and untruthful lie about my mom,. She was not on cocaine.” the Liz & Dick star now claims, directly contradicting to what she sobbed during their tearful argument. Scoffs Lindsay, “Daughters have fights with their moms. It happens a lot. It’s normal.” Sure, but we don’t think whether or not “fighting is normal” is the question on everyone’s mind here. That question would be something like, “Whaaaaa?”
[Photo: Splash News Online]
We don’t know what’s more harrowing: the content of the phone call Lindsay Lohan placed from her limo fight with mother Dina Lohan last night, or the fact that her father Michael Lohan would turn around and give the audio from said call to TMZ. Both are depressing, but considering the content of Lindsay’s tirade, we’re going to go with the latter. “Dad, she’s on cocaine. She’s like touching her neck, and s—,” Lindsay says of Dina over the phone. “She’s threatening everyone in the car.” Lilo also reveals that she gave her mother $40,000 to “keep her house.” “Give me my 40 grand back!” Lohan cries. You can listen to the full audio here, but honestly just imagine the saddest thing you’ve ever heard and you’re pretty much there. “You tricked me,” Lindsay weeps during the call. See? We were not joking.
But as baffling as the call itself might seems to everyone else in the universe, what’s more perplexing is that Lindsay and Dina have apparently made up. Or at least made up to the point that they’re willing to hug each other outside Dina’s Long Island home, according to photos snapped of the pair today. We genuinely don’t know what to feel about this whole situation. Oh, except total and complete sadness. Of course.
[Photo: Splash News Online]
It’s weird to be able to see a celebrity’s terrible week coming before it happens. Usually it’s pretty surprising. if you can call Amanda Bynes having the same car accident over and over again “a surprise.” That being said, we’re calling it now: as of next Monday, Dina Lohan is going to have one of least pleasant weeks of her life. “You, like, in your little tie and your little shoes,” Lindsay Lohan‘s mom declares during her Dr. Phil promo. Hoo boy. While we have to wait until Monday to see her episode, the fact that Dina Lohan is even being interviewed about Lindsay is worrisome. The fact that she tries to excuse some of Lindsay’s numerous criminal offenses, explaining “She was living in New York at the time. Five of them would be obsolete,” is downright dire.
Of course, this week hasn’t been particularly great for Mama Lohan, either. “My mom talked about Hunger Games on the red carpet at the Academy Awards, which was something I had told her a million times not to do,” Jennifer Lawrence laughed to W Magazine. “She’s like Dina Lohan! – but she has good taste.” Out-of-left field burn! Oh man, and we didn’t even get into the fact that Michael Lohan stops by Dina’s Dr. Phil episode! Strike what we said before. She’s about to have a rough month.
There’s a new Lohan in town! No, it’s not some original Lohan Dina has been keeping on ice for when Michael Lohan Jr. finally ends puberty. TMZ reports that Lindsay Lohan‘s dad Michael Lohan is allegedly expecting a child with on-again, in-court-again girlfriend Kate Major. According to their sources, Majors is in her first trimester. Considering the fact Michael and Kate have a long, gruesome history of protective orders, domestic abuse charges and arrests between them, we can only imagine Baby Lohan is going to need as much help from her relatively stable relatives as he or she can. We’ve certainly learned a lot from Lindsay, so if you wanted to just print this out and tape it up in his or her crib, girl, we really just cut out the middle man for you!
Some fathers know best, and other fathers know hookers. Some fathers play golf, and others play the field. Some dads mow the lawn, and others mow down mailboxes with their Mercedes while drinking and driving. Some fathers make plans to take their wives out for dinner, while others make plans to “take their wives out.” And then there are some dads who pretend they’re not dads at all! Think we’re kidding? We wish.
It’s safe to say that not all fathers know best. Just look at Michael Lohan, Jon Gosselin, Mel Gibson, and other guys we wouldn’t trust with a pair of scissors, not to mention a kid! So join us this Father’s Day while we count down the 15 worst pops of all, ranked by the standard unit of bad dads: the Michael Lohan. If your face is in the gallery below, you’re probably not getting a tie for Father’s Day this year.
[Photo: Getty Images]
15. Joe Simpson
14. Eddie Murphy
13. Bruce Jenner
12. Jude Law
11. Mel Gibson
10. Ryan O’Neal
9. Tiger Woods
8. Jon Gosselin
7. Arnold Schwarzenegger
6. Mathew Knowles
5. Charlie Sheen
4. Joe Jackson
3. Michael Lohan
2. O.J. Simpson
1. John Phillips
We’re not going to pretend we didn’t see a Michael Lohan/ Rosie O’Donnell feud coming; we just always imagined it inside some kind of giant steel Cage of Death. “You’re out of your mind! You’re a crackhead! The last thing she did good she was sixteen,” O’Donnell said about Lindsay Lohan on the Today show this morning, when co-host Donny Deutsch suggested Lilo is “our generation’s Elizabeth Taylor.” Lindsay is, after all, portraying Taylor in the upcoming Lifetime movie Liz & Dick. Declared Rosie, “I don’t think she’s right for the role and I don’t think she’s capable at this point to portray that character.” Oh come on, Rosie. Lindsay is not a crackhead! Plus, Mean Girls came out when she was 18 and you know it!
While Lindsay has remained silent about Rosie’s diatribe so far, her dad Michael predictably has not. “Who the hell is Rosie O’Donnell to judge anyone, especially Lindsay, who has far more talent than Rosie ever had?,” he snarled to TMZ, adding, “Two failed talk shows, a failed marriage, etc … He/she who is without sin. May they cast the first stone.” Excuse me, Michael? You’re really going to call Rosie O’Donnell’s talent into question? Might we remind you of a little film entitled A League Of Their Own? Let he who has not taken on Kato Kaelin in a celebrity boxing match cast the first stone, is what we say.
[Photo: Splash News Online/ Getty Images]
We don’t know what’s more distressing: news that Lindsay Lohan was allegedly involved in yet another nightclub altercation at the same bar she brawled at two weeks ago, or news that it happened while she was partying with her dad Michael Lohan. Oh wait…yeah, it’s the dad part. According to TMZ, after Lindsay’s friend had a fender bender at the Standard Hotel in L.A., Lilo called her pops and the two generations of Lohans ended up chilling together at the nightclub Smoke and Mirrors. Seeing as how “Michael Lohan” and “totally unnecessary yelling” go hand in hand, it’s not much of a surprise that Lindsay then got into it with another patron, screaming “Shut the f— up” after the clubgoer made a “snide comment” about Lilo’s dad. As if that wasn’t enough, said clubgoer ended up dousing Lindsay with her drink! Michael Lohan then allegedly “grabbed his daughter and made a beeline for the door,” which means…Papa Lohan was the most sensible person in this situation? Why is that somehow even more distressing?
In case you had forgotten, Lilo supposedly shoved a stranger at Smoke and Mirrors earlier this month; the woman later filed a report with the West Hollywood Sheriff’s department. “Lindsay was absolutely not involved in any sort of altercation whatsoever. This is clearly another case of someone looking for money and 15 minutes of fame,” Lindsay’s spokesperson Steve Honig said that the time. There’s been no statement about last night’s incident yet, but we guess we better watch what we say about Michael Lohan in the meantime. Unless we’re holding a full martini glass, of course. Which we usually are.
[Photo: Getty Images]
OK, so Jason Bateman and Olivia Wilde’s fish-mouth kiss happened while filming The Longest Week in Brooklyn today, rather than, say, during a romantic date to the aquarium. That being said, that is truly one awkward lip lock. Are we all supposed to be opening our jaws that wide? Have we been doing it wrong this entire time? While we might personally prefer to do our weird, uncomfortable smooching in the privacy of our own homes, we do enjoy cringing at awkward PDAs, provided there are famous peeps involved. With that in mind, please enjoy some of our favorite awkward celeb PDAs. You know they did.
[Photo: Splash News Online]
After being arrested on Monday on domestic violence charges, Michael Lohan is back in custody in the same Tampa jail he was detained at just two days ago, according to TMZ. Girlfriend Kate Major has been publicly denouncing him for his abusive ways, releasing photographs of her with bruises she says he gave her.
This time around, police say he jumped off a third-story balcony and fell into a tree in his attempt to escape the cops after contacting Kate again. He’s really that smart. But that’s the story — she claims he had been constantly trying to get into touch with her on the phone and generally harassing her. That’s when she called Tampa police. Unfortunately, Lohan happened to call her just as they were questioning Kate about his behavior. As the police believed he was a threat, they went to his hotel to arrest him, which is when the jumping happened.
[Photo: Splash News Online/ VH1]
Anyone who saw even a few moments of the fifth season of Celebrity Rehab knows that Michael Lohan and Kate Major have a relationship that’s best described as “combustible.” The on-again, off-again couple is apparently on-again and, as we’ve come to expect when these two get together, something apparently went majorly awry with them last night.
TMZ is reporting that Lindsay’s dad is currently “cooling his ass” in a Tampa area jail after being arrested on domestic violence charges last night. …
Read the rest of this story on VH1 Blog.
[Photos: Splash News Online, VH1]