Ladies and gentlemen, you have just died and gone to D-List heaven. Which is more commonly known as plain old “hell”. But today we’ll call it Celebrity Fight Night, a truly surreal spectacle that even Satan himself couldn’t have conceived. Yet where else can you watch celebs you wanna pummel into submission pummel each other in to submission? Your dreams come true, and you don’t even have to get your hands dirty! It’s a
All of your favorites are here, including tabloid classics like Kato Kaelin, Joey Buttafuoco and Amy Fischer. The current attention-whore of the moment is soon-to-be single (hear that ladies?) Tareq Salahi, whose dog burial photo-op puts him in the running for Worst Human Ever. He’s set to duke it out with former ball player and steroid enthusiast, Jose Canseco. There’s even Michael Lohan and Nadya “Octomom” Suleman, whose combined parental skills would create the largest and most dysfunctional family this world has ever known. And the whole thing will be overseen by none-other than Kevin Federline, who will act as honorary ref. Some of the fighters threw fake punches for photo ops, but things got real when Amy Fischer’s husband Lou Ballera socked Joey Buttafuoco in the mouth for real! Check out more of the insanity in the gallery below.
[Photo: Getty Images]
It’s been a little while since we’ve heard from Lindsay Lohan‘s pop. What’s he been up to? Oh, the same horrible thing he’s been up to for years now? Guess that makes sense. Despite having gone to court over domestic violence charges as recently as May, allegedly Michael Lohan is harassing ex Kate Major, causing his ex-fiance to request a proactive order against him. Again. As in, multiple times. As in, this whole situation is a walking nightmare.
Allegedly Lohan has been persistently threatening both Major and her father, claiming that he’ll have her dad “whacked” while attempting to “ruin her career,” though some might argue that you can only ruin something that actually exists.Ã‚Â According to TMZ, this will be the third order of protection Major would be attempting to place against her ex, so we guess it’s true what they say: those who forget history are doomed to be Michael Lohan.
Michael Lohan may be boxing talk radio host Jeremy Loper in Ft. Lauderdale this weekend, but it was Frank Sorrentino—the estranged father of The Situation—that he wrestled with at last night’s press conference in advance of the match. The dueling deadbeat dads, have been exchanging threats all week. “Hey Mike, let me send you a f—ing message so you get this f—ing loud and clear, okay? You should be careful what you ask for because you may get it,” said the man who calls himself “The Confrontation” after Lohan allegedly challenged him to box, with Lohan responding “If I had to climb into the ring with him on crutches, after the way he spoke to me, I’d probably kick his ass anyways.”
Sorrentino, who’s refereeing the Lohan/Loper match, appeared to be in a much better mood last night, as did the subject of his many f-bombs. Maybe the two realized they have too much in common to complain about: Frank’s being sued by his famous son, Michael’s famous daughter Lindsay frequently wants nothing to do with him, neither would be remotely famous if not for their kids. Hey, anybody want to pay these guys to live in a house together? The Surreal Dads.
See photos of the press conference in the gallery below.
[Photos: Splash News Online]
If you’ve ever wondered why some young actresses can’t seem to keep away from drugs and booze, the answer seems to be simple: they are calling for Courtney Love’s drug advice, like she’s some kind of ex-junkie Ann Landers! “For some reason, Kim Stewart also called me when Paris Hilton got pulled over for her last D.U.I. And Lindsay Lohan called me after she was arrested,” Love said in rambling interview for The Fix. “I told Lindsay to just get it together and trust the judge, and Lindsay’s father called me for advice every day. I’m not even that friendly with these girls. What am I, a junkie Auntie Mame?” Michael Lohan is calling every day? We thought he’d have enough know-how to run his own advice column: Dear Awful Dads.
Love also describes allegedly getting pills from Andy Dick and Winona Ryder, when not doing drugs in or off of Pamela Anderson‘s butt. “People still think that I’m the same sad skank I was in 2005,” Courtney laments. This all in addition to a lengthy description of how supposedly Courtney Love saved Kelly Osbourne’s s life. Now, would Emily Post know if you should flush all those Oxycotin down the toilet when the sheriff shows up?
[Photo: Splash News Online]
Tally up these domestic abuse allegations, and Michael Lohan is looking more like a movie villain every day. Earlier today Michael Lohan plead not guilty to a misdemeanor charge of inflicting injury on a cohabitant. Michael Lohan’s domestic abuse charge stems from an incident in March between Lohan and ex-fiance Kate Major. However, it looks like Lohan’s awful reputation does not proceed him, seeing as how he was spotted kissing on lady friend Leanne Kauffman (pictured above) at 879 Lounge in Philly last Saturday. His trial starts July 5; let’s just hope Lohan is safely imprisoned before he can complete his alleged master plan: Michael Lohan’s yacht rehab reality show, which would supposedly film recovering addicts on a luxury ship. If you wrote this in a screenplay, you would be laughed out of your development meeting….or Michael Bay would immediately make it for $300 million.
[Photo: Splash News Online]
Well isn’t this sweet. Just days after Lindsay Lohan got sent back to jail, father Michael is showing support for his daughterÃ‚Â in his own special, attention-seeking way. In an effort to raise awareness for teen drug and alcohol addiction, Big Mike has agreed to fight John Bobbit in a charity boxing match. We would have suggested sending Lindsay an Edible Arrangement, but this works too.
For those of you who’ve never heard a standup comedy routine dating from 1993-2003, Bobbit achieved infamy after his wife Lorena cut off his penis with a kitchen knife. “It should be a very interesting match!” Celebrity Boxing founder Damon Feldman told RadarOnline.Ã‚Â ”It’s for a great cause.”
We’re pretty sure that Lindsay’s already done a pretty good job of raising awareness of teen drug and alcohol abuse. Maybe Michael just really wants to beat up John Bobbit. Or perhaps beating up a man whose genitals have been maimed by household cutlery is the only way Michael knows how to say “I love you.” Regardless, the three one-minute rounds are scheduled to take place in Ft. Lauderdale on June 4th. It’s ON! Remember Mike, no hitting below the belt. Oh wait…
Michael Lohan has been charged with “inflicting injury on a cohabitant,” a misdemeanor, following ex-girlfriend Kate Major’s accusations of domestic violence. His bail was set at $30,000, with an arraignment scheduled for May 23rd. While there was reportedly visible marking on her, Lohan has denied injuring Major, claiming she applied the bruises with make-up.
Despite his track record of violence towards women, Lohan was defiant after being released from the hospital yesterday (he complained of chest pains following his arrest). “I asked to press charges on her—Look, I’m the one who got cut, I’m the one that was bleeding!” he told Radar. “I’m going to press charges against Kate and I’m going to try to have her arrested before she leaves California…I have to see what’s missing and have her charged with robbery,” he said. I want to also have her charged with assault with a deadly weapon—she cut me with something—domestic assault and trespassing.” Major left LA by plane last night.
[Photos: Getty Images]
Lindsay Lohan‘s dad has come up with a completely reasonable, totally legitimate explanation for his alleged domestic assault against Kate Major: she did it herself with a bag of cosmetics! In an interview with RadarOnline, Michael Lohan denies assaulting girlfriend Kate Major, and has some divalicious ideas about how Major sustained her injuries. “She said I gave her a fat lip, she has Restylane in her lips. I didn’t give her a fat lip. She did the same thing in West Hampton,” Lohan explains. “I didn’t touch her, she’s full of crap. I have cuts on my arm. She put fake makeup on her eyes before.” So not only is a bad lip job and eyeshadow applied in a bumpy car a crime against fashion, it can also be obstructing justice. Wow, who knew Michael Lohan was more observant than the entire police force?
Given that Lohan was also charged with threatening ex-fiance Erin Muller in 2009, the ladies in his life must own a M.A.C. store dedicated whipping up these allegedly “fake” injuries. After Michael Lohan was arrested last night, he complained of chest pains and was taken to Cedars Sinai Medical Center, where he remains today. “This was all a set up. When my lawyers resolve this with the police and I prove this is all a set up the world is going to know about Kate Major,” Lohan vowed. Unless, of course, Kate is able to construct a superior defense lawyer out of eyeliner and lipgloss.
[Photo: Getty Images]
TMZ is reporting that Michael Lohan was arrested last night after his girlfriend made a report at the L.A County Sheriff’s department. She claimed that the deadbeat dad got violent with her while they were arguing, and that she had visible marks to prove that he manhandled her.
She made her complaint around 9:30-10pm last night, after which police found Lohan and booked on suspicion of domestic violence. Apparently, Lohan was taken to a hospital right after for minor injuries but refused attention. It’s being said thatÃ‚Â this had nothing to do with the supposed altercation with his girlfriend. He’s going to be taken straight to the police department right after where his bail has reportedly been set at $200,000. Last week, his ex Kate Major said that Michael punched her girlfriend in the face, and that it was caught on camera.
Daughter to father! Daughter to father! Lindsay Lohan has released a statement concerning her father Michael, asking the proud papa t0 not bring her up again to the media. Ever. “I am sorry that my father has continually chosen to speak publicly about our relationship, my mother, my siblings, and my professional team. I am working through my recovery day-by-day and find his public media bouts unnecessary and damaging.” It’s probably not a coincidence that MiLo has reportedly signed up to appear on Celebrity Rehab, is it?
Since Michael is reportedly seeking on-air help for “anger management,” it seems unlikely that he’ll be able to talk with Dr. Drew for long before bringing up the only reason anyone’s heard of him—Lindsay. Then again, maybe a little solo attention will keep him wanting to get involved with hers (remember when Michael scheduled Lindsay for Letterman?). Will he play the good father and keep his mouth shut?
[Photos: Getty Images]