It has definitely been a horrible, busy week for anyone with the last name Lohan. Just as Lindsay is being hauled off to the clink, her father Michael has apparently decided to crawl out of whatever drainage ditch he slept in last night, slip on a sleeveless muscle tee and wreak havoc upon his loved ones once again. This time Lohan has been charged with second degree harassment of his pregnant fiancee Kate Major, the documents claiming that he shoved her over a chair and then kicked her in the face.
Good lord. If I were Lindsay’s defense counsel, I would just bring her father into the court room, say “Your Honor,” and sweep my hand in Michael Lohans general direction. Case Closed! Then instead of jail, Lindsay can go to some sort of facility where regular dads look over your math homework and take you to play skiball at Dave & Busters.
You may also remember Kate Major from such hits as quitting her job at Star magazine to date former interviewee Jon Gosselin. This woman needs to start attending Douchebags Anonymous a.s.a.p. Lohan also purportedly threatened worse violence toward Major, screaming “I am going to go back to jail because I am going to kill you! “Ugh, can we just send him back to jail now? Or some sort of island filled with terrible monsters? Though, actually, he would probably just become their king.
– Halle Kiefer
Oh, Michael Lohan. Always trying to one-up yourself when it comes to bad parenting. As soon as Lindsay got her SCRAM bracelet on, Daddy Lohan decided it would be the perfect time to invest in a nightclub in the Hamptons called Controversy. Edgy!
It would be questionable enough if you just looked at Michael’s own record with alcohol (arrested for DUI and doing prison time for it), but considering he also has a child dealing with alcoholism, this just seems in bad taste. Michael is looking to have his son, Michael Jr. help him manage the club, saying “Who knows … maybe it will become a family enterprise.” Hey Lindsay, forget E-Trade, it’s your own family that’s ruining your reputation. (But you knew that already.)
[Photo: Getty Images]
Lindsay Lohan now wears SCRAM bracelet and is taking drug tests, but she won’t have to give up chemicals entirely. TMZ claims Judge Marsha Revel will allow the out-on-bail bombshell to continue taking prescription drugs as she waits for her next court hearing in July, including Adderall and Ambien—the drugs father Michael Lohan says are ruining her life. “Prescription drugs can destroy and kill a person and are sometimes harder to stop,” he said last year. “Look at Heath Ledger and Michael Jackson…the girl with all the talent is hidden and buried deep inside this fungus that’s grown because of the prescription drugs.”
Lindsay has kept things relatively low-key Monday’s verdict, dropping some playful tweets about staying up late (isn’t that what the Ambien’s for?) and heading out to dye her hair blond again yesterday. Can she avoid drama until July? Check out her new-old do in the gallery below.
Almost a decade ago, lil’ Aaron Carter was in a Disney love triangle with Hilary Duff and Lindsay Lohan. Now Aaron is going off to OK! Magazine about how much Lindsay deserves that SCRAM bracelet. “They are going to make an example of you now, Lindsay, and you deserve it. You don’t get in the car with two people and go chasing after your assistant going a hundred miles an hour down PCH. I don’t know what to say about it anymore. I’m pissed!” Not that he’s had a chance to tell her. “I haven’t gotten a chance to talk to her because she knows that if I did, I’m the only one who would be real because her to everybody else [is], ‘Oh, Lindsay! You’re a star!’ Not me. I’ve been doing it my whole life, sweetheart. I don’t need you. There were times when you needed me, so don’t forget that.” No word on how many times he snapped his fingers during this rant, but we count at least five potential opportunities.
Though Carter now claims to be healthy, clean and living in Miami, some of his statements don’t exactly a sober mindset. For one thing, he’d really like to hook Lindsay back up with everyone’s favorite deadbeat dad, Michael Lohan. “Michael Lohan is a very good man. He was thrown under the bus very bad by that family. It takes a man to keep a family strong sometimes.” We’re also a little skeeved by how he likes to remember Lindsay. “She used to stand outside the gates of my concerts to get in and I would let her in when we were dating—when the only thing she did was Parent Trap. 30,000 girls outside my concerts and she was in the front, waiting to get in.” Nothing creepy about a 22-year-old crowing about how a preteen ex used to wait for him. Nothing creepy about that at all.
[Photo: Getty Images]
You Lohan’s. What would the world be like without you. What would we do without you. The latest bout of crazy comes from Lindsay Lohan‘s court visit yesterday. Now, she knew the Judge Marsh Revel was most likely going to make her wear a monitor anklet. Her legal team tried to object, saying she had to shoot for a movie in Texas. No cigar.
Now, in pure Lindsay style… she’s been busted. Again. Come on, stolen passports, all flights back to the U.S booked… it’s the new my dog-ate-my-homework with her! Unfortunately, it’s her movie-in-Texas BS that’s unravelled. Because there are no movies that she’s supposed to be in Texas for! TMZ contacted the producers of the only two movies Lindsay is involved in – Machete and Inferno – and they’ve both made it crystal clear that there’s nothing happening in Texas. A spokesperson for Machete says that there are some scenes being shot there but, “according to the director, they don’t include [Lindsay].”
An Inferno rep blabbed, “The Linda Lovelace biopic doesn’t plan on starting shooting ’till the beginning of August.” And guess what…. no scenes are being shot in Texas. Get used to that SCRAM bracelet, Lindz.
Now where there’s anything Lindsay, her dad, Michael Lohan can’t be far behind. He’s been threatening to crash her court hearings, going ballistic after she “stood him up” and shows up with cops at her apartment. He’s also been hollering about how he wants to beg the judge not to send Li.Lo to jail, but to rehab instead. Because he really cares about his daughter.
Now he’s telling TMZ that he “doesn’t think it’s a good idea for her to detox on her own.” He feels Lindsay would be best served by “being under a doctor’s care.” He’s got an addiction recovery specialist, Marc Kern, to back him up. IF Lindsay has a drug problem he says, “There probably should have been an assessment of her reliance and dependency of substances before they took her off of everything. That would have been a safer method.” We think it’s safe to say we haven’t heard the end of it.
[Photo: Splash News Online]
Sorry, TMZ—looks like you won’t get that “LiLo in cuffs” photo you’ve been crying for. Lindsay Lohan posted the $100,000 bail that will keep police from swarming upon her like locusts in blue upon her eventual arrival at LAX from Cannes. Already facing jail time for missing alcohol education classes, Lindsay risked arrest by skipping an important court date Thursday concerning her probation. Despite allegations that someone (possibly an agent of the nefarious Michael Lohan) stole Lindsay’s passport, the judge issued a bench warrant. Lindsay is expected to return to America later today.
Despite her freedom, we presumably won’t see much of Lindsay once she returns, as she’ll be forced to abstain from alcohol and wear an anklet. With photos of the starlet living it up in Cannes continuing to surface (and the French police denying Lindsay reported that missing passport), she could be in for a rude awakening when she finally steps into court. The scary thing is that Lindsay may not have even hit her low yet—she could still show up at Chateau Marmont this weekend, wearing her court-enforced alcohol monitor as an accessory.
First, the good news. Lindsay Lohan’s alcohol education officials are giving her top points. The Right On Programs people wrote a letter which reports that Lilo “attends regularly and consistently. Her attitude is positive and receptive to ideas regarding lifestyle changes.”
The report comes despite the fact that Lindz has only 10 out of 13 classes under her belt! And also despite the fact that Lohan might miss her court hearing on Thursday which means mega trouble! The program also hasn’t taken into account Lohan’s questionable choices and lack of propriety – read: Lindsay’s drunken brawls – over the past few months. They’re stating, “She has never come [to class] under the influence, been rude or disrespectful. She attends regularly and consistently communicates in a timely manner to reschedule if necessary.”
They’ve also got supporting documents stating that in the couple of weeks Lindsay didn’t attend, her absence was pre-approved. Once was when she was going to a Haiti fundraiser in New York, and the second was a trip to Europe to promote her clothing line.
Here’s the deal: the program is not required to notify the judge unless Lindsay misses 21 consecutive days. The judge, on the other hand, ordered Lindsay to attend class at least once every week. This was apparently not communicated to the program. Lindsay now has some sort of defense on her side. When the judge rules she didn’t attend weekly classes, Lohan can say that the program allowed her leave. Now on the matter of not having completed all her classes, that’s up to the judges discretion. If she shows, that is.
But here comes the bad news. The prosecutor is gunning for Lohan. Sources have told TMZ that it’s an either-or situation. Either Lindsay proves she’s been in total compliance with her probation terms, or she goes to the slammer. Even worse news (for her): Michael Lohan plans to crash the hearing, and in keeping with his crackitude, he doesn’t want to be just a spectator. He wants to address the court, and if granted permission, wants to beg the judge not to send her to jail. Instead, he’s going to ask them to order her into rehab. We’re hoping the judge shuts him up. Michael Lohan threatens his daughters with court and busts in with police to see them. No one wants anything to do with you, “Dad.”
[Photo: Splash News Online]
Looks like Michael Lohan meant it when he said he’d do whatever it takes to make his daughters fly straight. Lindsay Lohan has been tweeting up a storm since her estranged father showed up with police at her apartment today to check on her 16-year-old sister Ali. While the “welfare check” was reportedly inspired by the Lohan sisters’ wild antics at Coachella last weekend (TMZ says Michael told police the girls rode in a car going over 100 mph), Lindsay unsurprisingly isn’t grateful for their concern.
I have no choice but to make this public, due to my sister’s safety, as well as my own, “my ex-dad” just WALKED INTO MY APT like the devil’s advocate with officers…/let’s not forget, that my father KIDNAPPED me from a COURT ROOM when i was 4 years old and is CRAZY/ he has NEVER paid child support, and is marrying a tabloid writer and can barely spell his own name due to his “brain” that has been ruined/ due to HIS drug use./when will it ever end…it’s been going on my whole life with him-hasn’t he caused enough pain?/I NEED A RESTRAINING ORDER! MY SISTER AND FRIEND TOO!!!!! HE’S NUTS!!!/my BUILDING didn’t STOP him, isn’t it supposed to be safe? THAT’S WHY I MOVED HERE! it coulda been FAKE cops! dressed up!
While the police left Ali at Lindsay’s (“We went, she checked out fine, and we left,” said the sheriff’s department), Michael remains defiant. “Lindsay can twitter all she wants. This is about Ali and her welfare,” he tweeted. “Ali is 16 and [mother] Dina has no right allowing Ali to be in such elements.”
“It is very serious and my ex could be in big trouble,” said Dina. ” He’s dangerous…. If he can’t get to them he is going to try to hurt them — it’s not good.” Is Michael valid in his concerns or have his own frightening run-ins with the law cost him the right to interfere?
While Michael Lohan must have been sad to learn Michelle “Bombshell” McGee backed out refereeing his next Celebrity Boxing match (yes, even Nazi fetish model homewreckers have better things to do), it looks like he still had a great time promoting the event in Philadelphia yesterday. Big Mike got plenty of quality fondling time with fiancee Kate Major and porn star Gina Lynn, who will get in the ring with Major at the bout. “I’m gonna vomit!” said Lindsay Lohan when she heard about her father’s impending nuptials. And she hasn’t even seen these photos! Get your barf bag ready and check out Michael’s PDA-infested night in the gallery below.
[Photos: Splash News Online]
Next stop: the nursery! Failing that: the slammer! Michael Lohan has successfully proposed to girlfriend Kate Major, formerly known as the Star reporter who quit her job to date Jon Gosselin. “She’s been there for five years with me,” Lindsay’s estranged father told Us—ignoring her dalliance with Gosselin less than a year ago. “I think a friendship is more important than anything when you have a relationship, and this is the strongest one in my life.” And, yes, kids are on the way (“I’m not getting any younger and Kate wants to have children”), assuming he doesn’t threaten Major’s life the way he allegedly did ex-fiancee Erin Muller. Lindsay has yet to comment, but judging from her previously tweeted disdain for Major, it’s unlikely she’ll be a bridesmaid.
“He’s been a rock to me and I can’t imagine my life without him,” Major confessed to Radar about the papa/celebrity pugilist, more than 20 years her senior. Ironically, recent tweets from Michael concern his previous fiancee, the one that keeps sending him to prison. “They feed Erin coke and I found out, and have Erin…on tape admitting it. No matter what excuses, the tapes speak for themselves.” Congratulations on both counts, Michael!
Enjoy quality time with the happy couple in the gallery below.
[Photo: Getty Images]