Michael Lohan

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Michael Lohan: Lindsay’s Hooked To “Prescription Drugs”

michael lohan

Following Lindsay Lohan‘s madcap antics in Paris, we shouldn’t be surprised that Michael Lohan has taken to the media to express his concern about his daughter’s chemical intake. “I’m going to get her off these prescription drugs she’s on,” Papa Lohan told Radar Online. “You know why Lindsay’s not acting in feature films right now? Because she can’t. Because the girl with all the talent is hidden and buried deep inside this fungus that’s grown because of the prescription drugs. She can’t be herself. When you hug her she’s like, vacant inside. When she kisses or holds me I get chills, and not in a good way—in a bad way.” Father to daughter! Father to daughter! You are broken, but he is hoping!

So why is Michael telling us about the “fungus” that once was his daughter? Because the oft-imprisoned father/celebrity boxer has no other way of expressing his concern. “The Lindsay Lohan I lived with when I was married was a focused, intelligent, gifted girl that needed no prescription medication, no assistance from a therapist. Whoever the people are that came into her life and convinced her otherwise should be thrown in jail, because they’re the same type of people who are responsible for the deaths of Heath Ledger, Michael Jackson and DJ AM.” Yes, clearly what Lindsay needs is Michael’s steady hand of support. After all, look what his guidance has done for Jon Gosselin.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Jon Gosselin “Not Fired,” Says Rep. So What Is He?

Jon Gosselin

Lies! Lies! Lies! Reports of Jon Gosselin‘s expulsion from Jon & Kate Plus 8 may have been just another vindictive fantasy cooked up by the paparazzi. According to JoGo’s spokesperson, “he was not fired” from the hit TLC show. That part about the show being named Kate Plus 8 and Jon rarely appearing on it, though? Totally accurate. But he wasn’t “fired.” Don’t even think it!

So is J-Dog simply being removed from all publicity while continuing to cash in his paycheck (sad), or did he ask for to be freed so he could pitch ridiculous ideas like The Divorced Dads Club with fellow champion-at-life Michael Lohan (also sad)? Either way, this guy isn’t sitting on the family couch again anytime soon. Sleeping on it when he visits? Maybe.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Lohan Parents Awkward Run-In

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Dina Lohan and ex-husband Michael Lohan had an awkward run-in on Saturday when they both showed up at the Super Saturday 12 in Watermill, NY. Wonder what they talked about? Maybe Dina heard her ex was going to be there and she wanted to get her overdue child support check. Michael then probably told her he would be right back with that, but instead slithered off to go buy shoes with new BFF Jon Gosselin. Fooled again! [Photos: Splash News Online]

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Jon Gosselin Getting Own Reality Show?

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Jon Gosselin wants to leave Kate and his plus 8 in the dust, and bust out on his own reality show. “Jon has a lot of things going on now with his career,” a source (Michael Lohan?) says. “Of course his main concern is his children, but he is focusing on his private and professional life. He is looking into some major international endorsement deals and it looks like he is going to have his own show.”

Before he gets going on that though, Jon still has 30 episodes of the 40-episode order TLC placed for Jon & Kate Plus 8. [Source: E! Online; Photo: Getty Images]

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Jon Gosselin Parties With Michael Lohan And Jill Zarin

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Jon Gosselin loves to keep us on our toes. Last week he was in St. Tropez with “fiancee” Hailey Glassman and Christian Audigier, this week he’s living it up in the Hamptons with Michael Lohan, tabloid reporter Kate Major, and real housewife Jill Zarin. If Gosselin is still bent on “doing what’s best for his kids,” we have to question the logic of being in the company of any Lohan.

Michael Lohan hosted his guests for the weekend and somehow found the time between waxing his Iroc and punching things to tell People that his guests “[are] getting along very well.” Gosselin and Major, who works for Star, have been spending loads of time together over the past week and have even been rumored to be dating (as in, Star is reporting they are dating – this is just getting gross). And here we thought Mady was the most dramatic Gosselin. [Photo: GettyImages]

by (@katespencer)

Michael Lohan Busted For Threatening To Kill Fiancée

Michael Lohan

We were so focused on his train wreck daughter Lindsay that we all missed Michael Lohan getting arrested last month! The freaky father was busted on April 6 after he threatened (in a phone call on March 18) to kill both his fiancée Erin Muller and himself if she broke up with him.

Lohan and Muller appeared together at the courthouse yesterday, but ended up hiding in his car to avoid photographers while his lawyer attended the hearing. Apparently the couple are back on, but their love may not last long – if found guilty, Lohan could face up to a year in prison. And his legal troubles don’t end there – the Long Island idiot will be back in court today, thanks to the $12,000 in child support that he owes his equally wacky ex-wife Dina.  [NYP.  Photo: GettyImages]

by (@katespencer)

DNA Test Confirms Lohan Secret Sister – And She’s Ready For Fame!

The tests are in and the blood confirms it – Lindsay Lohan has a new half sister. The 13-year-old Montana native Ashley Kaufmann is the latest dysfunctional Lohan to emerge on the scene, after DNA testing proved that Michael Lohan is indeed her father. Her mom Kristi and everyone’s favorite celebu-dad did the nasty back in 1995 when he was separated from then-wife Dina. Michael says it was a random, week-long hook-up, while Kristi claims it was love. Regardless, they’ve now got a kid together, who looks a little like Lindsay and a lot like her little sister, Aliana, who’s just a couple years older than Ashley. Awkwardddd!

The most disturbing thing about the whole affair is how ready-for-fame Ashley and Kristi are. Both are excellent at relaying their sad tale of Lohan scorn, and we even see Ashley do a couple takes in the clip above while discussing changing her last name to Lohan (answer: nope!). And while Kristi is obviously much more naturally beautiful that Dina Lohan, there’s no way she can possibly match the red-head den mother in media savvy and manipulative smarts. Is this mother-daughter team ready for the hell that is Hollywood? If the money is right, we bet the answer is yes. [Video: Splash News Online]

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by (@katespencer)

Douchiest Of ’08: Vote Now!

While numerous celebrities vied to be nominated for this category, only four Hollywood mainstays went above and beyond the “call of douchey.” First up is Miley Cyrus, who tarnished her successful rise with her controversial topless Vanity Fair picture, for which she later apologized. The Hannah Montana star also ticked off tween fans with her YouTube video mocking fellow pubescent starlets Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez, and caused some drama when she supposedly attempted to get fired from her hit show. Next in line is paparazzo Adnan Ghalib, whose landing strip facial hair and British accent inexplicably wooed troubled singer Britney Spears. The photog (who was married at the time) squeezed every last bit of D-List fame out of their relationship, granting interviews, showing off text messages from the star, and even attempting to sell a sex tape of the two of them bangin’.

We can’t forget Michael Lohan for his constant blabbing to the press about his rehabbing daughter Lindsay Lohan. Whether it’s about her mother, acting career, or rumored girlfriend Sam Ronson, Michael always has an opinion he’s willing to share — with everyone. Finally, we have Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag, better known as the horrific Hills hybrid Speidi. This desperate duo turns every mundane activity into a blatantly staged photo op, and their pathetic attention addiction takes fame-whoring to a whole new (low) level. Check the photos of each nominee, then vote for the Douchiest.

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More categories. Vote now!

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Man Bids $30,000 For The Chance To Beat Up Michael Lohan

For all the crap Scandalist gives Michael Lohan, we have to commend him for finally using his attention whore powers for good. Bob Venero, president of Future Tech Enterprise, will give $30,000 to Fight For Charity for the privilege of pummeling LiLo’s estranged father in a boxing match on Nov. 24. Stephen Baldwin—the Baldwin brother that made Bio-Dome, found Jesus at the bottom of a bottle and now fights pornography’s “cultural terrorism”—will judge at the event, to be held at the Hilton Long Island. Go Ivan Drago on his ass, Venero! You must break him!

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@katespencer)

Michael Lohan Tries To Win Lindsay’s Love By Bashing Her Girlfriend

Yep, that always works! The Lohans horrendous feud is playing out as publicly as possible (that’ll help your career Linds!) in the pages of the New York Post, much to our reading pleasure. In a desperate attempt to win his daughter’s love back, Michael Lohan is thoroughly and fiercely bashing her lover, Samantha Ronson. Apparently he’s learned all about parenting skills from Alec Baldwin and Jon Voight. His loving rant includes calling Sam “dark, hideous and a disgusting representation of humanity.” Wow, Mikey, WTF did she do to you? Not take your request for Len’s “Steal My Sunshine” at that party she was DJing one time? Get over it – your daughter is now sticking her nose is Sam’s pants as opposed to a pile of coke, and that is an awesome, awesome thing.

Lindsay’s response via email is another glorious example (alongside her MySpace blog) of why she should drop the acting gig and pick up the pen.

“My father obviously needs to be on medication to control his moods. He is out of line and his words show how much anger he has, and it’s dangerous and scary as it reminds me of how he treated my mother and I my whole childhood. He needs to be stopped. This is yet another reason why we aren’t speaking. I am in a great place in life. I have overcome a lot and have been able to learn how to enjoy and appreciate my life in every way possible. I’m proud of myself for being able to make a change in the past year and a half.
My past is behind me, and that’s final. There’s nothing more to be said. All the false accusations that people try to make are simply because there’s no story when things are calm and good. But they might as well let it go because their lies don’t affect me anymore. Samantha is not evil, I care for her very much and she’s a wonderful girl. She loves me, as I do her.”

Lindsay Lohan, FTW!  [NYP. Image: WireImage]