What kind of shameless pervert would spend his or her hard-earned money on a pair of undies worn by a Real Housewife of D.C.? Jersey, we can understand, but D.C.?
How much are those undies going for? We have a whole mess of student loans to pay off, and we bet we can finagle a cameo onto RHONY.
According to Tareq’s ex-manager Gina Rodriguez, who quit over his unsettling plan, Salahi plans to donate 10% of his proceeds to Make A Wish Foundation and Comic Relief. Did he plan to take those organizations down with him, or is that just incidental?
Doesn’t Tareq know the end of the world isn’t supposed to start until 2012? Let’s not do anything to make us wish it was sooner.
There’s so much to this whole ridiculous Salahi-Journey incident that it reads like the best episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm that you’ve ever seen. It’s complex, but darkly hilarious and inherently perfect. So please indulge us for a moment while we unpack it all for you and savor each and every detail. Maybe -just maybe- it’ll make you believe in karma. It’s the law of the universe: if you do something stupid like crash a White House party, a stadium rocker should send you obscene pictures.
Now Tareq has resolved to divorce his Real Housewife Of DC, but not before taking another humiliating slam at the hands of Neal Schon. In the most gorgeous display of immaturity we’ve ever seen, the Journey front-man tauntingly emailed Tareq pictures of his penis. Not only that, but he also revoked Tareq’s backstage passes to all Journey shows, banning him gigs with a series of posters at each venue! Tareq probably isn’t gonna feel the urge to rock out to ‘Don’t Stop Believing’ live anytime soon, but still. Never in the course of human history has a man be so completely and thoroughly pwned. The only way for Tareq to get the last laugh is if this whole thing is fake. In which case we say: thanks for the laughs Salahi’s! We never stopped believin’!
The Salahi’s are obviously unfamiliar with the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf. The Real Housewives of DC stars have made names for themselves through absurd publicity stunts, mostly famously crashing a party at the White House in 2009. So now that Tareq Salahi is claiming that his wife Michaele has been kidnapped, forgive us for being a little skeptical. He tells TMZ that he last saw Michaele yesterday morning as she was leaving to get her hair done. Apparently she never made the appointment, and has yet to return.
But the story gets even weirder, as Tareq says he got a call from his wife last night saying that she was visiting her mother’s nearby Virginia home. Yet she allegedly made the call from a strange Oregon number, and her mother-in-law denied that she had spoken to Michaele. Tareq is certain that his wife has been abducted, saying that they have been the target of death threats in the past! The worried husband put in a call to the Warren County Sheriff’s office, who told him that Michaele had already checked in with them and claims to be safe and merely dealing with “family issues.”
But Tareq is far from satisfied. In fact he’s furious with the sheriff’s lack of action, and is convinced that his wife’s captors are forcing her to make calls saying that she is safe. He has since issued a press release saying, “We are asking the public to please be on the look out for her, and if found please contact the authorities.” What do you think of this weird tale? Is it simple family drama, PR mischief, or is Michaele in real danger?
The Salahi’s are like super-resistant television roaches. They won’t shrivel up and die, no matter what you spray them with. It’s a particular talent that a few people have for stretching out 15 minutes of fame-whoring until you’re forced to acknowledge their presence.
And whether we like it or not, it works. Why else would Michaele Salahi have her own doll figurine out in the market? Because every young girl dreams of having an anorexic, gate-crashing, Playboy nudie-preening plastic poser to put on her shelf and admire. And its swathed in a red sari, just like the one she wore while infamously at the White House party she wasn’t invited to. So you can fondly (yech!) remember just how she crashed (and hopefully, will burn) into our lives.
From the first moment we heard of the White House party crashers, we were sick of them. Michaele and Tareq Salahi‘s ploys for attention have come off more like cries for help, and it was only made worse when they were given a platform for their fake fame when they were cast on The Real Housewives of D.C. The number of times we’ve questioned the couple’s truth-telling abilities have been numerous and we’re just so tired of them. Thankfully, Bravo seems tired of the Salahis too, and they have chosen not to renew the couple’s contract for the next season of RHODC.
It hasn’t actually been confirmed whether or not there will even be a second season of the series, but either way, it means we won’t be seeing these clowns on our TV anymore. (God forbid they pull a Project Runway and find a new home on Lifetime!) A source explains that Half Yard Productions and Bravo are currently looking for a “bitchy replacement” for Michaele should the series continue. We’re not opposed to these reality shows having villainous characters, but these two seem unstable. Heck, even Tim Gunn thinks they’re sociopaths. May they find peace in obscurity, only to be rediscovered when VH1 does a future episode of I Love The 00′s.
Of course, not Tareq Salahi. He’s not invited to this party (not that that would stop him), Playboy will just be featuring his wife Michaele Salahi in what TMZ calls “full-frontal, birthday suit naked.” Shudder. And not shudder because she’s unattractive or anything, just shudder at the idea of giving this woman any more over-exposure, which she clearly seeks. It worries us that the “crazy one” on the Real Housewives keeps on getting crazier – makes us worry what’s going to happen on the Beverly Hills installment: there’s going to have to be some serious one-upmanship going on to join the Kelly-Danielle-Michaele club.
Oh, Lawd. The View, and Whoopi Goldberg in particular, are at the center of another sh*tstorm today. This one is brought on by White House party-crasher Michaele Salahi, who is a member of the cast of The Real Housewives Of D.C. and was brought on the talk show along with the other housewives to promote their Bravo series. Not only did they barely discuss the show, but Salahi was grilled by hosts Joy Behar and Sherri Shepherd about her alleged invitation to the White House which, let’s face it, no one believes exists.
Things didn’t get crazy though until Whoopi Goldberg ran out from backstage, touched Salahi’s back and said “‘Excuse me, can you get back to the White House, please?” Salahi appeared confused but obviously not injured by Goldberg’s appearance, but when she went backstage after the segment, she allegedly accused Goldberg of hitting her. An ABC statement, released yesterday afternoon, said “After the show, Ms. Salahi and her husband accused Whoopi of hitting Ms. Salahi. As the broadcast clearly shows, the accusation was completely unfounded and erroneous. After the show and after being told she was being accused of hitting Ms. Salahi, Whoopi proceeded to defend herself verbally from this baseless claim in a heated exchange with the Salahis.”
So Whoopi dropped some F-bombs on the Salahis , which no doubt she learned from her buddy Mel Gibson, and they got upset. We found it far more insulting that Sherri told Michaele straight to her face that she should be in jail for her White House stunt, but whatever. You don’t get publicity if you start a fight with Sherri Shepherd, you go for the big guns with Whoopi, obviously. The Salahis hoped to give their side of the story on the Today Show this morning. We’ll keep you posted on what new and fabulous fabrications they come up with.
The past year was rife with creeps who were intent on scoring roles on reality shows. While Balloon Dad Richard Heene was jailed for his premeditated stunt, Michaele and Tareq Salahi, the White House party crashers, are being rewarded for their ass-hattery by scoring a place on the upcoming The Real Housewives of D.C.
Access Hollywood is reporting that the pair, who went to the 2009 White House State dinner as uninvited guests and had their pictures taken with Joe Biden and Rahm Emmanuel, have filmed a dozen episodes of the new series which will air in July, and even says that Bravo cameras were filming the White House stunt. So much for being punished for bad behavior. They also have a book in the works. Their literary agent Sharlene Martin explained, “People will be surprised when the truth about the Salahis is finally told.”
What she means is that people will be surprised that these two are still trying to be famous. Someone buy these clowns a watch, their 15 minutes have got to be over by now. [Photo: SplashNewsOnline]
VH1 CELEBRITY ON FACEBOOK
Lupita Nyong'o's Cinderella Story Won't Be Complete Without Jared Leto