Millionaire Matchmaker

by (@hallekiefer)

Patti Stanger Apologizes For Insulting Gay Comments…With More Comments

Reality star Patti Stanger’s gay comments had people up in arms yesterday, so the Millionaire Matchmaker did the only reasonable thing there is to do: visit the Joy Behar Show and make some more insulting comments about how all gay guys sleep around. “My friend Mark Bouwer, gay, great designer, he says, ‘Patti, this is what it’s like around the country. This is the gay community!,’ I’m trying to curb them!,” Stanger proclaims, eventually declaring, “The gay man, they whip it out at eye lock!” Oh Patti…no. If they did, maybe we would actually watch your show once in a while.

Stanger made similar comments on Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live yesterday, where she told openly gay host Andy Cohen, “There’s no curbing the gay. I’ve tried to curb you people and you just don’t [change]. I’ve decided to throw in the towel and just say, ‘Do what you want. But when you find the right person, you will know.’” Patti tweeted yesterday, “So sorry – didn’t mean to offend anyone. Love you all. X0.” Here’s an idea: let’s just put a trapdoor on every talk show that will drop open any time someone utters the phrase “you people”? It seems like it would save a lot of time, and a lot of blog space, for everyone involved.

by (@hallekiefer)

Patti Stanger Breaks Off Engagement: Always The Matchmaker, Never The Matched

Move over, Jennifer Aniston; there’s a new tragic spinster in town!  Known on her show Millionaire Matchmaker for her undying belief in love and a clinical addiction to spray tanning, Patti Stanger has broken off her engagement with fiancé Andy Friedman. The matchmaker tweeted, “I just ended my relationship with Andy. It hit me really hard that I want kids in my life. You have to agree on the non-negotiables.”

The two had gotten engaged May 31, Patti’s 49th birthday. We could not be more bummed about this! In addition to proving that we too can be loved despite our giant lantern jaws, Stanger’s engagement was the one defense she had against critics who questioned whether an unmarried almost-senior-citizen was really qualified to find other people a mate. Granted, those critics were usually skanks Patti was throwing out of a millionare’s meet-and-greet, but still. They sort of had a point. Patti being single again is like finally realizing Donald Trump doesn’t really know how to pick a good apprentice, or that Brett Michaels is actually terrible at finding love. We suspect Patti might be an example of “those who cannot do, teach.” Those who cannot marry, yell at you to get your hair straightened and to not give it up on a first date.

But if brain surgeons can be good at their job without ever having a lobotomy, then Patti can help her clients without ever having had a husband.  We would also support it if she wanted to give some of her clients lobotomies. That show would have something for everybody!