Money

by (@hallekiefer)

Gallagher Must Sell Off Props To Pay For House

Looks like maybe your days of pulling in the big bucks aren’t over yet, Carrot Top. You still have that giant trunk of novelty props, right? At least we hope that the case, given that comedian Gallagher is selling his props to save his home in Los Angeles. The famous funnyman must unload a wide variety of his fantastical giant comedy items to keep the bank from seizing his home, reports TMZ. Gallagher confirmed that he’s facing financial issues and as such is looking to unload “giant bowling pins, an oversized tricycle, a bike contraption, tons of weird contraptions and a 1989 Mercedes.” If that last item seems a little too normal for your taste, don’t worry; Gallagher as of yet has been unable to locate it’s key. So really it’s like a giant vintage paperweight! Perfect for an office at a clown college, perhaps.

As if the idea of Gallagher wandering the streets with only his sledge-o-matic and watermelon rinds to keep him warm, Gallagher had a heart attack last week on top of everything else. After collapsing on stage at a show in Rochester, MN, the comedian said he’s doing “fine” and looking forward to working again. Though if all his props are gone, Gallagher might have to switch to some Seinfeld-style observational humor instead. Don’t you get any ideas, Carrot Top. Once all your rubber chickens are sold off, that’s it. You’re done.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

by (@hallekiefer)

Beyonce Donated Gaddafi Money To Haiti

We were afraid we wouldn’t be able to get bodied with a clear conscience after Wikileaks revealed that Gaddafi paid for concerts by huge artists like Beyonce, but luckily we just found out that Beyoncé donated her Gaddafi money to Haiti. “All monies paid to Beyoncé for her performance at a private party at Nikki Beach St. Barts on New Year’s Eve 2009, including the commissions paid to her booking agency, were donated to the earthquake relief efforts in Haiti, over a year ago,” Beyonce’s rep Yvette Noel-Schure told The Huffington Post. “Once it became known that the third party promoter was linked to the Gaddafi family, the decision was made to put that payment to a good cause.” Girl, we can see your halo. Not that donating a dictator’s millions automatically gets you a halo, but you know. It’s a step in the right direction.

Reports of various superstars such as Usher, Mariah Carey and B herself playing for the Gaddafi family came to light after Nelly Furtado tweeted that she’d donate her money to charity. At least we can be sure that’s a huge chunk of change that won’t end up in Gaddafi’s bank account. Or sitting unused with the other millions in Beyonce’s.

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Eddie Murphy’s Ex Burned Through $15 Million In 4 Years, Now Broke As A Joke

Joining the long illustrious list of celebrity bankruptcies, apparently Eddie Murphy’s ex Nicole Mitchell is broke after blowing through $15 million in 4 years, or since the couple’s divorce was finalized in 2006. Mother of five of Murphy’s seven kids, Mitchell reportedly took her divorce settlement as one lump payment rather than in monthly increments, which must have seemed like such a good idea at the time. Supposedly Nicole is not only flat-broke but owes $846,000 in tax liens, as well as millions toward her house, legal fees and landscaping fees. We can’t even imagine how someone would spend that much moola in just a few years, but we can safely assume it involves exorbitantly expensive topiary. Or it’s yacht-related, one of the two.

While her own finances are in dire straits, Mitchell is currently engaged to former NFL player and current FOX NFL studio analyst Michael Strahan. Now we’re not saying Nicole is a gold digger, mainly because if she is, then she is TERRIBLE at it. We’re just saying maybe you should think about getting a pre-nup, Michael. And a high-quality padlock to put on your yacht.

by (@hallekiefer)

Marc Anthony Owes Insane Amount Of Money In Unpaid Taxes

It’s mo’ money, mo’ problems for Mr. JLo as allegedly Marc Anthony owes $3.4 Million in back taxes. Reportedly, in March 2010 New York authorities demanded Jennifer Lopez‘s husband pay the $1.8 million he owed on a property in Nassau County, New York. Just four months previously, the federal government put a $1.6 million tax lien on that same estate, which Anthony had just…not paid. Someone needs to remind crazy-rich people that even though they don’t have to raise their own kids or pick up after their own dogs, someone still needs to file their taxes. Did Wesley Snipes teach America nothing?

While neither Anthony nor his lawyer have commented on the reports, the singer had a similar problem with the feds in 2007, eventually paying $2.5 million after failing to properly pay up for four years. At the time Anthony blamed his management, and his financial advisers eventually pleaded guilty to a number of tax-related felonies. As staggering a number as $3.4 million might seem to us, we’re sure JLo can just root around between the cushions of their many white leather couches and find enough in loose change. Or she can hire someone to do it for her, since a diva does not “root”.

by (@hallekiefer)

Demi Lovato Reaches Settlement With Punched Dancer

Hopefully it’ll be an even more joyous holiday for the Lovato family now that Demi Lovato settled with dancer Alex Welch, whom Lovato punched while both girls were working on the Camp Rock 2 tour. “The parties are satisfied and the dispute has been resolved amicably and completely,” said Welch’s attorney Donald Karpel, who also told Radar Online “It was confidential negotiations that ended in complete and amicable resolution. She is satisfied.” Head bruises fade, but a big fat settlement is forever!

Welch’s lawyer declined to specify the amount of the settlement, but had previously indicated that Welch was “seeking a  a settlement, an apology from Demi and a donation made to a charity of her choice.” If only Demi could have donated straight to Toys for Tots and just cut out the middleman. Lovato will be spending the holidays and New Year’s Eve in rehab, where she’s been receiving treatment since November 1. At least now there’s nothing distracting Demi from her recovery. Besides 24 hours of A Christmas Story, of course.

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The Fact That There’s Really A Kim Kardashian MasterCard: Priceless

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The Kardashians are nothing if not savvy about how to cash in on their name, and this might be the most heinous example of a Kardashian lending her name to a ridiculous product. The Kardashian Prepaid MasterCard for kids is launching this week. Yes, Kim is shilling a credit card to kids as young as 13 years old who look up to her.* The card will allow parents to monitor their kids’s spending via cellphone and is supposed to teach them how to be fiscally responsible for the money their parents give them.

A rep for Mobile Resource, the company launching the card, explained “Teens do not spend their money as their parents think they do. And, drugs are a huge problem in this country. I give my son a small amount of cash and track his spending on his card.” Ummm, this “rep” makes an awful lot of assumptions about teens, money, and drugs, maybe he needs to have a heart to heart with his son or something. And also remember that a woman famous for making a sex tape and shopping is the face of his product before he starts judging all these bad seeds out there.

We never got an allowance of any kind from our parents, we just asked for $10 when we wanted to go  to the movies. Does that make us super old, super poor, or just respectful of the fact that our parents were not an ATM?


*Wrong for so many reasons.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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This Half-Man Is Richer Than All Of Us Combined

As much as we’ve tried to get into Two and a Half Men, we just aren’t fans of the CBS show. And even though in our house it’s sometimes a punchline, it turns out the joke is on us, because all of its stars are making serious bank. Charlie Sheen is making $2 million per episode, Jon Cryer is reportedly making $10 million per season and now, even the half-man, Angus T. Jones is a millionaire. Jones reportedly signed a deal that will pay him $300k per episode – that’s nearly $8 million for two seasons of work.

Guys, Jones is 17. At this point he’s like 3/4 of a man, but still, what the crap is he going to do with all that money? By comparison, at 17 we were swirling soft serve out at the TCBY for $4.25 an hour and driving a rusted out Mercury Grand Marquis and we actually thought we were doing pretty well for ourselves.

by (@missmuttoo)

Toni Braxton – Yes, Toni Braxton – Is Millions Of Dollars In Debt

Why is Toni Braxton in debt again? This is clearly not a case of once bitten, twice shy for her because she’s been in a mess financially for years now. This round has her in the red for an amount that could be anything from $10 million to $50 million. You just read that correctly.

But let’s take a look at why and who she owes so much money. The list of creditors waiting for the cash that’ll never come are The Four Seasons, Tiffany’s, The Westin Hotel, Flamingo Las Vegas and Neiman Marcus, to name just a few. Toni, where did you think the money-you-don’t-have  was coming from?

Did she really think a swipe of a credit card was it? That bills would magically appear and Toni could walk out dripping in new jewels into fancy hotel suites? It’s weird that she doesn’t know how this money stuff works, considering that she already filed for bankruptcy back in 1998. And if that wasn’t enough of a red flag, she was hit up by the IRS this year for a lien worth $396k. It’s hard to sympathize when the person in question keeps making the same mistake over and over again. Learn your lesson, Toni!

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Chelsea Clinton’s Wedding To Cost $2 Million

No, that’s not a picture of Hillary Clinton being sworn in as Secretary of State, she’s actually involved in a secret pre-wedding ritual that rich people have. What she’s actually saying is “I, the mother of the bride, solemnly swear to shell out a sh*t-ton of money for my only daughter’s upcoming ceremony so that people will call it the wedding of the century.” Because Chelsea Clinton‘s wedding is reported to cost around $2 million. Excuse us while we cry into the irregular hanky we bought at Filene’s Basement.

What could possibly cost that much anyway? According to Politics Daily, the Clintons are spending up to $200,000 for the venue (Astor Courts in Rhinebeck, NY), $40,000 for the band (for that money, it had better be all four Beatles, living and dead), $250,000 on flowers (how is this even possible?) and TMZ reports that the glamorous port-a-potties the Clintons are renting will cost $15,000. To that we ask, if they’re spending that much money in the first place, why are the Clintons not holding the wedding in a place with real toilets?

Maybe the reason we find this all so offensive is that we’re the same age as Chelsea. When she went through her awkward phase, we were going through our awkward phase. When she was adjusting to life in Washington, D.C., we were adjusting to life in a new town, too. And after college, we both moved to New York City. That  teeny tiny bit of her that we identified with is all gone now. Now that we realize that her rental toilets alone cost more than our dream wedding.

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Oprah Winfrey, Best Boss Ever

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O! Man, are we in the wrong business. See, if we worked at O Magazine and Oprah Winfrey was our boss, we’d be ten grand richer and the owner of a shiny new iPad today. See, in honor of the magazine’s tenth anniversary, Oprah gave all her staffers $10,000, an iPad and an embossed iPod case. Not a bad bonus by any standards, especially considering she gave the gift to every single employee, regardless of how long they’ve worked there. Want to live your best life? There’s an app for that.

[Photo: Getty Images]