Guys, we don’t know much about filmmaking. Maybe the people behind Channing Tatum‘s new movie 10 Years felt he had to have a horrible goatee in order to look like the kind of Everyman who would have regrets about his high school girlfriend, rather than the kind of jacked A-lister that women want to see take off his shirt and audiences want to see wise-crack alongside Jonah Hill. Those people were wrong, of course. So, so tragically wrong.
We mean, they didn’t make Channing’s real life spouse Jenna Dewan-Tatum wear braces or Rosario Dawson get a bowl cut to play his fictional wife and first love respectively. Other than Channing’s chin pubes, the rest of the movie looks pretty spot on. Parks & Rec‘s Chris Pratt and Aubrey Plaza, Justin Long drinking out of a baby bottle: the elements are all here. We wish they had just written on Channing’s script “You are a man with a goatee,” so he could have had a goatee on the inside, rather than on his face. Who even has goatees these days? Magicians? Major league pitchers? We’re already on record as despising Leo DiCaprio‘s putrid facial landscaping. How much more negative feedback does Hollywood need?
We don’t know about you, but after watching the This Is 40 trailer, being forever alone is starting to sound pretty tempting. Yahoo released the trailer for Judd Apatow‘s new comedy today, which apparently stars Leslie Mann, Paul Rudd and the self-imposed prison we call domesticity. Seriously, the movie makes having a family look grim. Now, we’re not married nor do we have kids ourselves (after seeing this trailer, we’re going to go ahead and have our genitals removed prior to being sealed in a cave), but we do feel like we’ve learned a few important lessons about getting hitched from Judd’s new flick already. Lessons like…
It’s not only totally normal for you to fantasize about your spouses death, it’s normal for you to discuss those fantasies with your friends. Feel free to get specific: level of pain, how awesome your second wife will be, etc.
If you hide in the bathroom to escape your horrible family, be sure you actually poop. If not, your spouse will barge in on you and use the lack of poop smell as a reason to steal your belongings.
If you have children, Melissa McCarthywill chew through you.
If your spouse makes you refuse to loan your dad money, he will tell you you were supposed to be terminated in utero.
It is sort of romantic to describe how you would slowly poison your spouse to death over a matter of agonizing months.
Gangsters! Tinted aviators! The morality of the underworld! Goatees! Slow-motion…well, slow-motion everything! That shot of Ray Liotta being shoved halfway through a window is enough for us to give the Killing Them Softly trailer an Academy Award nom all on its own. Given all the gritty, stylized violence and ruminating on America, surely it’s enough for Brad Pitt to finally get an Oscar. According to IMDB, Angie‘s husband plays Jackie Cogan, “professional enforcer who investigates a heist that went down during a mob-protected poker game.” Awesome, where do we submit our Oscar ballots? Oh, we can’t? That’s not a thing? Ugh, we hate the Academy.
Okay, so Brad says the name of the movie in the trailer, which is….questionable. But hasn’t he done enough for us already in the past to finally get that statue? Think about it: Moneyball, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Burn After Reading, 12 Monkeys, Thelma and Louise. You name it; Pitt didn’t win an Oscar for it. He didn’t even get nominated for Tree of Life, and that was the most Oscar-y of all Oscar bait movies! At this point, we suspects Brad will have to play a hooker with a heart of gold or star in Rainman 2: Return to K-Mart to get an Oscar. But if not, please let us set side one this year for Brad. It’s time.
We don’t know why they buried these great cinematic shots of Zac Efron in soaking wet tightie whities in the middle of The Paperboy trailer. Shouldn’t the entire trailer just be a gif of his slow underpants dance with Nicole Kidman? Why we aren’t in control of these decisions, we’ll never know. We could tell you what the people want, Hollywood, if you would just listen!
Questionable editing decisions aside, the trailer does seem to deliver on the sweaty, over-the-top action we were anticipating from Lee Daniels‘ Southern-fried crime drama. There’s also a shot of Efron crawling on the beach in what we have to assume is the scene where Nicole Kidman pees on him to treat a jellyfish sting. We can’t wait to see how that scene makes any narrative sense in what appears to be murder mystery. We also can’t wait to see it because it involves Academy Award-winning actress Nicole Kidman peeing on former teen hearthrob Zac Efron. You know, maybe Hollywood doesn’t need our help after all. It seems like they’re getting at least some aspects of the filmmaking process right. Also right? These screencaps of Zac Efron:
What did we just see? We watched the Cloud Atlas trailer and it somehow looked like 8 different awesome movies…seamlessly blended together. We saw glimpses of a futuristic dystopian tale, a swashbuckling adventure, several tragic romances and at least the hint of a time travel movie. While it definitely has a similar vibe to their smash hit The Matrix, it’s hard to know if the Wachowskis‘ film will hold up to what we can only describe as an incredibly well-edited trailer. Either way, we think we spotted just about every conceivable element that would attract moviegoers to the theater. Take a look below if you don’t believe us. If you don’t see at least one thing that makes you want to see Cloud Atlas…then watch the trailer again, because we are sure it’s in there. Come on. Don’t tell us you aren’t into…
The new trailer for Kristen Dunst‘s wedding comedy Bachelorette is out, and it looks flawless. It also looks very, very familiar. A pack of friends who must grapple with jealousy, gentlemen and Jell-O shots before eventually realizing the only thing that really matters is friendship? Sign us up…again! Really, now that we think about it, Bachelorette is basically the bachelorette party scene we never got to see in Bridesmaids, blown out into full-length movie form. A stroke of genius, is what we’re saying. Of course, we noticed a few other elements present in both films, specifically…
Jennifer Hudson may not have won the third season of American Idol many moons ago, but she is definitely winning in her life as it stands now. J. Hud is one of the rare singers whose acting chops come closely equal to her powerful voice. When word spread about her role as Winnie Mandela in the biopic Winnie, we were excited to see what the Oscar winning singer could do with the role of the anti-apartheid historical figure. Alongside Terrence Howard who plays Nelson Mandela it looks like J. Hud may have nailed it. Read more…
Okay, sure, the idea of Blake Lively in a menage a relationship with Taylor Kitsch and Aaron Johnson is pretty hot. So is the sun-soaked world of California pot farmers, Mexican wrestling masks and an extremely random cameo from John Travolta. Based on the trailer for Oliver Stone‘s new crime thriller Savages, however, if we do end up seeing this movie, it will be due entirely to the presence of Salma Hayek. Well, Salma and Salma’s bangs. 60% Salma + 40% Salma’s bangs = 100% fierceness.
In the action flick due out July 6, Hayek stars as Elena, the leader of a drug cartel who kidnaps Lively as a way to manipulate Kitsch and Johnson into submitting to her flawless power. Benicio Del Toro costars as an actor who is lucky enough to receive Salma’s choreographed rage-slaps. Oh wait…that’s who he is, not who he’s playing. Have we seen some of these elements before? Sure. But have we seen Salma Hayek engineer a high-stakes kidnapping while wearing summer white? We don’t think so. On a related note, who knew you could be the head of an international crime syndicate and look so pulled together? What can’t this woman do? Check out the Hayek highlights from the trailer that make our fingers itchy to dial Moviefone:
Whitney Houston might be rocking curlers, a house coat and the role of sensible wet blanket mom to Jordin Sparks‘ budding singer, but Houston still manages to steal the show in the new Sparkletrailer, which premiered this morning on the Today show. After a 16-year absence from the big screen, we almost forgot what a natural Whitney was. Also, that house coat is kind of fabulous. We are all about the mint green!
As gorgeous as Whitney looks and as angelic as she sounds (because you know they weren’t about to release a trailer that didn’t highlight that voice), it’s sort of shocking how certain themes in the movie seem to parallel Houston’s real life. Guess she wanted it that way? Set to be released August 17, Sparkle is, according to IMDB, about “Three sisters [who] form a successful singing group and must deal with the fallout of fame and drugs.” As Houston’s world-weary Emma warns her talented daughters in the trailer, “Was my life not enough of a cautionary tale to you?” Wow. As if we didn’t want Whitney Houston to name us “Sparkle” and warn us not to have kids out of wedlock already! We already know our cheeks are going to be as damp as Cee-Lo Green‘s when we see this movie, thought ours will be from tears.
If you’re a human with a heart that loves and eyes that see and a soul that loved Mandy Moore in 2002′s A Walk To Remember, then Dakota Fanning‘s new movie Now is Good, coming out in the U.K. on May 25, will almost certainly make you weep. In case you wanted to know what you were getting into, however, before you started choking back sobs, let us break down all elements in the film’s newly released-trailer that jerked the tears right out of our ducts! There are just so, so many:
A young person with leukemia.
Leukemia, in general.
The concept of a bucket list.
Parents who just don’t understand.
The Flaming Lips‘ “Do You Realize?” being played over a carefree motorcycle ride.