by (@katespencer)

LaBeouf Ain’t Getting His Finger Chopped Off

Good news! Inexplicable celebrity and distracted driver Shia LaBeouf is not going to lose his pinky finger, which was rumored to be the case yesterday. Yes, he totally destroyed his hand in that car accident last month, when he rolled his car (with his co-star in the passenger seat) and was charged with a DUI, but The Beef got lucky this time. His pinky will stay put. His career? Now that could still get killed off. [E!]

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@katespencer)

Gossip Break: Katie Can’t Handle Her Pants

Martha Stewart‘s arm appears to be missing, but like all good WASPS she keeps her cool. []

Katie Holmes unrolled her giant jeans! All is right in the world again. [DListed]

Kanye West was spotted today at GAP’s headquarters, probably pitching a fit about his khakis. [Jezebel]

We love Laverne from I Want To Work For Diddy almost as much as she loves giving some random dude a lap dance. [YBF]

Gwen Stefani‘s back is hollerin’ from carrying that baby around. Pop already! [Seriously? OMG!]

Mary-Kate Olsen finally got subpoenaed by the feds. Ask her about those ugly gladiator sandals, guys! [ICYDK]

Beyonce rocks Obama pride while hugging her hubby. [ConcreteLoop]

10 dirty hippies that ladies love to bone. What, you didn’t know BO was an aphrodisiac? [Defamer]

[Image: Getty]

by (@katespencer)

Morgan Freeman Splits From Wife After 24 Years

Dark Knight star and recent car accident survivor Morgan Freeman is currently divorcing his wife of 24 years, Myrna Colley-Lee. The pair actually separated in December 2007, but had not gone public with the break-up until now. Freeman is currently hospitalized for the broken arm and elbow he sustained in his crash. This is just the most recent addition to a growing list of unfortunate events (like, uh, Heath Ledger‘s death and Christian Bale‘s verbal smackdown) that’s currently trailing the Batman flick. While some may chalk it up to a “curse,” we’d beg to differ, and not just because we’re from Boston where “curse” is the second word babies learn after Bambino. The simple truth: bad sh*t happens to everyone, even people with lots of money. In fact, it happens all the time. (See: Britney Spears. Also: all of Hollywood.)

Our theory – Freeman’s wife got sick of watching her hubby waste his talent on cop movies with Ashley Judd. That’d drive any reasonable human to divorce. [Us. Image: Getty]


Britney Spears To Play Lesbian Killer In Tarantino Movie

The Telegraph is reporting that Britney Spears is a go for Quentin Tarantino‘s planned remake of the Russ Meyer sexploitation classic Faster Pussycat, Kill! Kill! Some may question whether it’s a good idea for Britney to play the leader of a murderous pack of lesbian strippers on the lam. Some might also suggest Tarantino focus on that damn World War II epic he’s been promising for years instead of releasing yet another mega-derivative film about hot women driving fast and kicking people. We call these people “spoil-sports.” [The Telegraph]

Pics of Britney in Cabo San Lucas below:

by (@katespencer)

Scarlett Slams The Media For Fantasizing About Her And Obama

Scarlett Johansson has opened her mouth again, and thankfully this time it’s not to sing. Woody’s muse is speaking out against the media’s recent obsession with her emails to Barack Obama, and their frenzied reaction and exaggeration of their e-lationship. And she makes a good point, one that the candiate she chose not to support may agree with. “It seemed to me to be like a product of extreme sexism,” ScarJo said, “and I kept thinking to myself, ‘God, if this was just, like, Kal Penn or George Clooney or any of the other [Obama] surrogates or supporters … there wouldn’t be [any] question about it. Nobody would even talk about it.”

To clarify, if George Clooney was sending Barack Obama adoring emails, we’d be the first to gush about it and blow the notes significance way out of proportion. But yes, ScarJo’s got a point. No one’s ever accused Ben Affleck of trying to bone all the politicians he drools over. Sadly, the media’s obsession with a hot chick emailing a politician got in the way of them actually covering the unique thing she’s accomplished – being a politically active young person. Besides, everyone knows she’s into Penelope Cruz anyway. [ET]

Check out photos of Scarlett and Penelope at the Los Angeles premiere of Woody Allen‘s  Vicky Cristina Barcelona.

[All Photos: Getty Images]

by (@katespencer)

Jen & John Running Down The Aisle

Here’s an idea, world – maybe Jennifer Aniston is happy being single. Did anyone ever think about that? Maybe she enjoys just dating a hot 29-year old with tattoo sleeves, kicking him out of her bed whenever she wants so she can enjoy sleeping alone in her clean sheets. Perhaps she is perfectly content running out to do yoga in the morning, without having to drag her bratty kids to preschool beforehand. What the hell is so wrong with that?

But, blah blah blah, she’s allegedly obsessed with getting married, because we’re obsessed with her getting married. The country has become a pair of whiny old people and Jennifer Aniston is our single granddaughter who we so desperately want to wed off. But hey, she might be doing it with John Mayer, in a relaxed, backyard celebration! Courtney and CoCo Cox will be her wedding party, and everything will be perfect. We couldn’t be more excited – or relieved. [Ok!]

by (@katespencer)

Paris Hilton for President

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

We had all but forgotten about Paris Hilton – her BFF’s gone off and had a baby, she’s dating a dude with zero Greek ancestry/inheritance and we now get our skin fix from Miley Cyrus. But just when we were about to count her out, she goes and does something kinda awesome. After being called out in a John McCain ad as a “celebrity,” Paris bites back with the help of the Funny Or Die dudes and actually demonstrates that she may just have a sense of humor about the whole thing. And you know what that means – good PR for her. I guess we do still care about Paris after all.

by (@katespencer)

Gossip Break: Pam’s Got The Munchies

Pam Anderson eats fake meat in public – no, not her boobs.  [DListed]

Enjoy your daily dose of the Kardashian sisters in cheesy outfits.  [ICYDK]

The new ad for the upcoming season of America’s Next Top Model reveals the dawning of the age of Tyraquarius.  [Seriously? OMG!]

Kate Moss wants you to look at her boobs.  [IDLYITW]

Gossip Girl Taylor Momsen is wicked skinny, yo.  [ONTD]

Da Brat might be going to jail for a year. Who will Mariah hang out with?!  [Bossip]

Anderson Cooper disses Ali Lohan. Swoon.  [Jezebel]


Sienna And The Married Man – Still Going Strong?

Despite rumors that Balthazar Getty was attempting to reconcile with his shamed wife Rosetta after cavorting with a topless Sienna Miller, it seems his torrid affair with the actress is still going strong. The casanova and his lady love were spotted at a Ralph’s in Malibu, California on Sunday. The Sun reports that Sienna waited in a car in the parking lot while Balthazar rode up and down on a pushbike.

When did Sienna Miller become a married man’s concubine hiding in a car in a parking lot? It was only four years ago that Sienna was a happy-go-lucky starlet co-starring with her super hot fiance Jude Law. Then Jude went and banged the babysitter, and it seems Sienna has never quite recovered.


Leonardo DiCaprio To Play Vladimir Lenin?

Their physical similarity has long been noted, so it’s not surprising to hear that Leonardo DiCaprio is in talks to play Vladimir Lenin, the first leader of the Soviet Union. After all, he does love historical figures and challenging accents! This won’t be a classy biopic like that Theodore Roosevelt one Leo and Martin Scorsese have been promising, though. In Lenin’s Brain, DiCappy would play a Russian-created clone of the totalitarian in 2024, leading a socialist revolution in America. The story sounds like a mix between Children Of The Revolution (an Australian flop involving Joseph Stalin’s love child) and The Boys From Brazil (the ’70s camp classic about teenage Hitler clones starring Gregory Peck as Joseph Mengele). It also sounds like a bad, bad idea. [Boston Herald]

[DiCaprio Photo: Getty Images]