Music

by (@katespencer)

Jen & John Running Down The Aisle

Here’s an idea, world – maybe Jennifer Aniston is happy being single. Did anyone ever think about that? Maybe she enjoys just dating a hot 29-year old with tattoo sleeves, kicking him out of her bed whenever she wants so she can enjoy sleeping alone in her clean sheets. Perhaps she is perfectly content running out to do yoga in the morning, without having to drag her bratty kids to preschool beforehand. What the hell is so wrong with that?

But, blah blah blah, she’s allegedly obsessed with getting married, because we’re obsessed with her getting married. The country has become a pair of whiny old people and Jennifer Aniston is our single granddaughter who we so desperately want to wed off. But hey, she might be doing it with John Mayer, in a relaxed, backyard celebration! Courtney and CoCo Cox will be her wedding party, and everything will be perfect. We couldn’t be more excited – or relieved. [Ok!]

by (@katespencer)

Gossip Break: Pam’s Got The Munchies

Pam Anderson eats fake meat in public – no, not her boobs.  [DListed]

Enjoy your daily dose of the Kardashian sisters in cheesy outfits.  [ICYDK]

The new ad for the upcoming season of America’s Next Top Model reveals the dawning of the age of Tyraquarius.  [Seriously? OMG!]

Kate Moss wants you to look at her boobs.  [IDLYITW]

Gossip Girl Taylor Momsen is wicked skinny, yo.  [ONTD]

Da Brat might be going to jail for a year. Who will Mariah hang out with?!  [Bossip]

Anderson Cooper disses Ali Lohan. Swoon.  [Jezebel]

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Dr. Dre’s Long-Awaited “Detox” To Be Celebrated With Cognac

Pals like Snoop Dogg have hinted that Dr. Dre‘s long-long-long-awaited album Detox may come out by the end of the year, but the strongest evidence of this comes from Drinks Americas Holdings’ proud announcement of a new Aftermath Cognac line, named after Dre’s label. Really, what better way is there to promote an album named Detox than with alcohol? The booze is planned to arrive on shelves sometime in the next two months, hopefully joined by new music from Dre and an exceptionally awkward “Dr. Dre and Detox urge you to drink responsibly!” tag on the ads. [Idolator]

[Photo: WireImage]

by (@katespencer)

The Jonas Brothers Are Virginal Douchebags

Perez Hilton recently revealed that tween stars Selena Gomez and Nick Jonas both gave details of their first date to different mags (without mentioning the other’s name), essentially outing their secret relationship. Their accounts are as follows:

  • Selena: “I had dinner on the beach with a crush and there were lights on the palm trees! Then, went walking on the beach, and after that we slow danced. Wait, it gets better. While we were slow dancing…my crush and I had our first kiss! And after it, I leaned back and I said, ‘You cheated.’ And he said, ‘Why’ and I said, ‘I don’t kiss on the first date.’ Then he said, ‘Well, I never really play by the rules.’ I was waiting for a a director to say, ‘Cut’ I was like, ‘Are we shooting this right now?”
  • Nick: “On one date, the girl said to me, ‘I don’t kiss on the first date.’ So I said, ‘I don’t follow the rules.’” The brothers high-five to that one. “Ooooh! It was so good!”

Nauseating, yes – especially for fifteen year olds. Do you think they know the romance dies by the time you turn 17? Regardless, that mushiness is not the part that made our stomach crawl – this is: “The brothers high-five to that one.” Really, Jonas brahs? You guys clinked purity rings to that? You can’t hide behind those innocent faces and gentle curls – you’ve outed yourselves as G-rated douchebags (PS – your career will all be over when your fans turn 13 and get depressed and start listening to emo. Cherish this while it lasts!) .

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Paul McCartney Says Goodbye To Heather Mills In Song

While Heather Mills can’t seem to shut up about her former marriage to Paul McCartney, the former Beatle has stayed mum…until now. McCartney will exorcise his demons on “My Soul,” an acoustic ballad on electronic artist Nitin Sawhney‘s October album, London Undersound. Actually, “exorcising” might be too strong a word for the mushy lyrics printed in the Daily Mail: “‘We could climb every mountain, swim through every sea. When the all world is asleep we could set ourselves free.” Zzzz. Isn’t he mad at her for threatening to release his therapy tapes? “I long to know all your secrets, I want to walk through your fire.” Yeesh, guess not. Only the paparazzi seem to inspire any anger. “How could they lie to this world…One soul displaced, one heart erased, feelings defaced, invade our space.” He’s going for grace, I should get off his case, but these lyrics he’s placed make me want to freebase. [Daily Mail]

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Lil Wayne On Glocks, Girls and “Pussy”

Million-selling rapaholic Lil Wayne is on the cover of this month’s Blender magazine. Among the many interesting nuggets Senior Editor Jonah Weiner digs up while spending time with Wayne in his Miami home — the affiliated Crip has mountains of shoes, a bit of a temper, and a serious sugar addiction. Here are a few of our favorite revelations about one of our favorite rappers.

* Wayne — he’s just like us! He’s as concerned with his house looking “cool” as we are. Inspired by his friends Jay-Z and Kanye, Weezy’s decided to start collecting art. Among his prospective acquisitions — a painting by Basquiat. “The first time I saw one, I said, ‘It costs that much for this?’ But I want my house to look cool.”

* He’s got some interesting taste in films. “I don’t watch anything where they go ‘action’ and ‘cut. ’Cause that means it’s not real. If I wanna see some acting, I can get 15 naked bitches to act out a scene.”

Read more…

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Simpson-Wentz Baby Gets Mayer As Godparent, No Shot At Normalcy

Oh Pete Wentz — you have no idea what’s going to happen to you, do you? Sure — now you’ve got all the time in the world to go to Lollapalooza and post pictures of sneakers on your blog, but once that baby comes, it’s going to be a different story.

After quipping to People that he’s preparing for the new arrival by watching Look Who’s Talking and Look Who’s Talking Too (oh, Wentz — you and your irony!), he also shared his thoughts on the nursery’s themes.”It’s not a secret, but it’s more of a private thing. I haven’t really figured it out yet, so I don’t want to go out there and say what it is and then have it not be that.” Because god forbid the fine people who read People think your kid’s room is Alice In Wonderland themed, when it really borrows more from Where The Wild Things Are.

In addition to having parents who are more concerned with color schemes than how radically their lives will change, the kid will allegedly have to contend with John Mayer as a godfather. The ex-boyfriend of Aunt Jessica (and Pete’s current mancrush) is supposedly in the running to steer the kid through life’s trials. Like the merits of a vaporizer over a bong, and which famous person to date. [Photo: Tristar Home Entertainment and Getty Images]

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Only Madonna Knows Katy Perry’s Pain

Katy Perry has it hard, yo. Every day she has to promote her #1 single by playing shows, posing on red carpets and talking about people more famous than her. Woof. Who could possibly understand what she’s going through? “I really want to have a sit-down dinner with Madonna. I’m waiting for that invitation. I wanna ask her how she’s made it through all of this and still continues,” says the beleaguered Perry. “If she would just give me a little advice – I really wanna pick her brain.” Katy, Katy. I know Madge is a fan, but you’ve had one big hit. One. To even ask for Fergie‘s wisdom would be a little optimistic—advice from Lisa Loeb or Meredith Brooks might be more appropriate. [Uberazzi]

[Photo:Getty Images]

by (@katespencer)

Desperation Never Looked So Hot

Oh girl-kissing, how we never weary of your tempting ways. We’ve seen it a billion times – mostly around 2AM at Senor Frogs on a foggy spring break trip after tequila shots – and the outcome is always the same: the girls involved get a bunch of attention and grab a little boob, while the rest of the world gets all horny watching.

Needless to say, this was a great game plan for Aubrey O’Day (the most plastic of the Danity Kane girls) and socialite-turned scarecrow-turned actress Lydia Hearst, who put on quite a show outside Butter in NYC last night. Surely they were hoping for some “are they or aren’t they!” buzz a la Lindsay and Sam, but O’Day’s already proven herself to be publicity hungry, BFFing it up with Jenna Jameson and supposedly spreading rumors (and then squashing them) about a hook-up with her Hairspray co-star, Ashley Parker Angel. Still, we can’t help but watch as these two blond bobble heads go at it. They win.

[Images: Splash News Online]

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Jessica’s Sexy Striptease For Tony

From the Department of Bright Ideas: apparently Jessica Simpson keeps things hot with footballing boyfriend Tony Romo by setting up her webcam and performing sexy stripteases. The Sun is reporting that when the Dallas quarterback and the singer are apart, Jess strips down to keep her man interested. “Jess has no problem showing Tony her favourite ‘PUSSYCAT DOLLS’ routine. She will dance in front of her camera until she makes her man happy,” a source tells the UK tabloid. Apparently though, she’s paranoid about Tony letting his buddies check out the footage. He sounds like a keeper, Jess.

While we’re sure that the source of this tale is fairly questionable, we do know Jessica has a penchant for stripping to her skivvies. Jessica has performed numerous times with the Pussycat Dolls, and while married to Nick Lachey, performed a striptease for his birthday. [Photo: WireImage]