Hard to say how Charlie Sheen must feel now that he’s officially divorced from Brooke Mueller. He already moved on romantically to two “goddesses” and it’s not like the paperwork will truly close a chapter of his legal, familial and financial headaches. Did he feel a sense of relief when he heard the news, or was it a feeling of faliure, the knowledge that another attempt at family had been dashed, that passed over him, if only for a moment?
Technically, Sheen will be handing over $55,000 a month in a child support for twins Bob and Max, with the pre-nup bound Mueller getting about $1.75 million for her stake in their home and her troubles. It shouldn’t too much of a pain to Sheen’s paycheck—assuming re-runs of Two And A Half Men run internationally for perpetuity, but the emotional costs of love’s labour lost may never truly be known.
Look for signs of self-examination and soul death in Charlie’s face as he visited the Chateau Club and Gardens in Vegas this weekend, where he was joined by girlfriend Natalie Kenly, Jack Osbourne and the cast of The Hard Times Of RJ Berger. Party, party!
Though we’ve already heard more than enough dirt about these two, Judge Hank Goldberg booted the media from today’s custody hearing between Brooke Mueller and Charlie Sheen due to “questions of abuse” that would be discussed. No word on whether he was referring to Brooke Mueller’s drug abuse (she entered rehab after cameras spotted her pawning her watch) or Charlie Sheen’s history of domestic abuse (he pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault against Mueller last year). Both Mueller and Sheen sought full custody of their 2-year-old twins Bob and Max, though TMZ reports that the judge decided to make no changes to the standing custody agreement between Sheen and Mueller (Mueller’s mom is taking care of 2-year-olds Bob and Max while Brooke’s in rehab).
While the press weren’t allowed to witness the event, Sheen did bring “goddess” Natalie Kenly with him to court today, either for moral support or to reaffirm what a terrific babysitter she is. The pair reportedly left the court around 2pm EST to jet to DC for the next stop on his Violent Torpedo Of Truth. Will Sheen be able to keep himself from venting to the crowd?
It looks like the warlock may have clutched victory from the jaws of defeat. Charlie Sheen’s Cleveland show was successful enough to end with a standing ovation, less than week after the Violent Torpedo Of Truth tour’s Detroit debut ended in boos. As in Chicago, Sheen skipped the poetry and stuck to questions from the audience, trading shirts with a woman in the audience and showing off “goddesses” Natalie Kenly and Rachel Oberlin (a.k.a. porn star Bree Olson). Granted, walking out in his Indians shirt from the movie Major League was a good way to get the audience in his pocket.
While fans were pleased, more objective gawkers could see plenty of signs that Charlie’s far from over his demons. One bit from TMZ’s report most folks are leaving out of theirs is that the audience chanted “F— that bitch!” after Sheen complained about his ex-wife Denise Richards, who he dismissed as a “kidnapper bitch” along with his ex-wife Brooke Mueller at the Chicago show (Richards and the kids visited the Bahamas this week, avoiding the drama). TMZ also said Sheen’s show was glass-free, just in case the audience got violent, and that Charlie made his entourage see Apocalypse Now, starring his estranged father Martin, in a rented multiplex theater after the show. Even if he manages to pull off the rest of this tour without a hitch, it doesn’t look like his life will be drama-free afterward—especially he doesn’t get his Two And A Half Men day job back.
Will Charlie Sheen‘s epic meltdown just wind up a Conan O’Brien-esque cultural hiccup? Though Sheen’s Detroit show ended in boos and outrage, Sunday’s gig in Chicago went much more smoothly. Realizing his fans were more familiar with the boorish whimsy of Two And A Half Men than the psychedelic rants found on Charlie Sheen’s Korner, Sheen scrapped the poetry and incoherent video clips for his sophomore soiree, instead sitting with an on-stage interviewer. While it still sounds like a snooze fest (Charlie smoked pot with the late Chris Penn? Titillating!), the audience didn’t get violent, cheering loudly as he traded shirts with a fan, took questions and—sigh—called his ex-wives “kidnapper bitches.”
Not that the show was a total success—though “sold out” plenty of tickets were available from psuedo-scalpers like StubHub. Maybe that’s why Charlie says he’d return to Two And A Half Men, despite considering the show runners to be “bloodsuckers.” Assuming Charlie can keep from relapsing beforehand (and that’s a big assumption), could he manage a total comeback? While networks all over the world would love to have the moneymaking show back, Chuck Lorre and the others who actually have to work with him might feel otherwise.
See photos from Charlie’s tour in the gallery below.
Brooke Mueller and Charlie Sheen canceled their court date today in hopes of a settlement, but we think the actor’s ex-wife shouldn’t budge. Whatever Mueller’s dependency issues may be, she didn’t wave a machete atop the Live Nation building yesterday before drinking from a bottle labeled “Tiger Blood”—two things any judge would look poorly upon from a violent former convict seeking unmonitored visits with his small children. We’re also guessing the judge won’t like last night’s episode of Charlie Sheen’s Korner, which had him smoking through his nose and complaining about the trolls in his phone. “If you own the home, in which you own the trashcan, you should never have to empty it,” announced Charlie for no apparent reason, suggesting he might need a monitor whether or not the kids are around.
Though negotiations are reportedly underway to bring Two And A Half Men back on the air, Charlie Sheen may have already found another TV gig. HDNet owner Mark Cuban told ESPN that his people have been filming Sheen’s antics, hoping to work a reality or talk show out of the material. “Right now, we’re taping a lot of different things that he’s doing and we’ll try to figure it out. It’s still not 100 percent certain. We’ll do something together, but it’s not certain it will be a show. It’ll come down to what he wants do and what his situation is. We’ll just figure it out from there, but it’s a unique opportunity, I’ll say that.”
It sounds like Charlie Sheen’s Korner, the actor’s webstream-turned-webseries, could be a first draft for the show, and Cuban isn’t bothered by the negative attention it’s received. “It gave him a chance to be himself and have some fun. The thing I like the most about Charlie is that he just loves to mess with the media. You guys fall hook, line and sinker.” No word on how Mark feels about the violent, drug-crazed side of Charlie Sheen, which will likely be the focus of Charlie Sheen: Winning…Or Losing It? With Dr. Drew, airing tonight on VH1.
Somehow we don’t think this will calm the network. The second part of Charlie Sheen’s Today interview aired this morning, with Sheen introducing his two “goddesses,” porn star Bree Olson and Cali Chronic pin-up girl Natalie Kenly, to the talk show. Turns out they not only hang out with Sheen, but his kids as well. “We run errands, eat, play with the kids,” says Kenly. “I wish I was with them now,” said Olson. “I don’t want to put them down.” Though Kenly jokes about “the days where we sit with the gold pom-poms and everything” (“don’t run with that!” groaned Sheen), the actor did his best to suggest his new family at the “Sober Valley Lodge” was a happy one. “These women don’t judge me, lead with opinions, lead with their own needs all the time. They are honest enough to say, park your nonsense. What I tell them is don’t live in the middle. Get away from your ego and emotions. Therein lies the solution.” Word? “I told Charlie, I’m on the bus,” said Kenly. “I don’t care where the bus is going.”
Check out photos of Charlie’s goddesses in the gallery below. “Don’t be worried,” says Sheen. “Celebrate this movement.”
Not only is Charlie taking his posse on vacay, it’s been reported that he’s been shacking up with all three women under one roof in L.A. A source revealed, “Charlie is back to his old sel —and that’s not a good thing. So much for rehab at home. He took off with the girls on Wednesday.” Of Charlie’s big plans for his harem, the source added, “Charlie talked about building a porn family and now he’s got these three women all living with him and taking off on vacation with him.”