Only one minute of Hulk Hogan’s sex tape was leaked to Gawker last week, but that sixty seconds was all it took to make us want to drill into our brain and suck out the memory of it with a shop-vac. Hell, it was so bad it caused Linda Hogan to get a DUI! Ok, that’s probably not true, but it totally deserves to be. So when we learned today that the Hogans are scared a second tape might leak, we’d like to offer them a hearty: “SO ARE WE!”
The wresting/pasta legend is reportedly bracing his family for the possibility that more of his sexual exploits have been recorded for the ages, and they may be coming to a web-browser near you. “After the first video was leaked he warned Linda, Brooke and Nick that he could of been caught on camera in the past,” a source close to the family told RadarOnline. We interpret that as code for, “Dammit, why did I do that more than once?” Despite his threats of massive legal retaliation, the Hulk and Co fear the damage another sex tape could do, especially in the wake of Linda’s arrest last week.
First Kindergarten Cop, now Mr. Nanny. Must all the brawny, thick-necked men of our childhood turn out to be skeeze balls? In Linda Hogan’s Today Show interview, the wrestler’s ex described how Hulk Hogan‘s allegedly violent tendencies had her fearing for her life, before and during the filming of their show Hulk Knows Best. As Matt Lauer quotes from her book Wrestling the Hulk: My Life Against the Ropes, Linda writes, “[Hulk] tore my shirt. He threw lamps. He held me down on the bed with his hands around my throat during arguments, slamming doors, pounding walls. I was always afraid he would kill me in one of his rages.” Considering Hogan once declared that he “understood” how O.J. Simpson felt, that sounds like a completely reasonable, terrifying assumption to us.
In addition to the Hulk’s alleged domestic abuse, Linda Hogan tell-all book goes on to detail the drug abuse she saw going on throughout the wrestling community, as well as son Nick Hogan‘s car accident in 2008, which permanently disabled his friend John Graziano. Says Linda about Hulk’s abusiveness, “He did not feel remorse — and to this day he’s never apologized for any of his actions.” Ugh, and we forgot he was in Muppets In Space too. See, this is why we can’t have nice things.
Cougars work alone and tend to stalk their prey slowly and quietly. You never know when they’re going to strike but when they do… it’s all over. Remarkable similarities with Linda Hogan (umm, apart from the “quietly”). Only Linda’s marrying her 21-year-old prey, Charlie Hill. Totally against the laws of the jungle!
But since cougars play their cards very close to their (in this case, very ample) chests… you never know what they’re really up to. Her ex-inmate son Nick Hogan has even been kept completely out of the loop. Because in this jungle, you announce your happy news to the press first, and not your family. Therefore, Nick doesn’t know of mommy dearest Linda’s wedding-across-the-ages plan.
The most clueless Hogan of them all pouted, “Nobody has actually confirmed it me.” Nick, you were at David Hasselhoff‘s roast (what?). We doubt anyone wanted to be associated with you, especially at that time.
But the point is, Linda actually hasn’t said anything about the engagement. Hulk Hogan did. And it’s unlike Linda not to blab. And Nick says he spent the day with cougar mommy and her newest cub (eww) on their yacht (hah, Alimoney) the day the news broke and as he put it, “ Nobody said anything about an engagement. There was no champagne, no party, no big happy celebration.”
So is this engagement all a load of bulls**t? It might just be, with Linda milking it for all it’s worth. Nick also stated that he called his mother to flat-out ask her about the rumors and she said, “No, they are just promise rings.”
Could it be…no trashy wedding? It does look like this might just be one giant hoax. Maybe Linda didn’t want to lose face because the Hulk got engaged first.
We kind of thought Linda Hogan and Charlie Hill would have a short-lived romance. But the pair, who hooked up about six months after Linda and Hulk Hogan divorced, have been together all summer long. Don’t forget: she’s 48, he’s 19. Not to mention the two were introduced through Linda’s son, Nick, who was Charlie’s high school buddy. Seems illegal, right? It’s not. Regardless, we’re ranking them near the top of our Scandalous Meter.