Confusion. Despair. Rage. Bargaining. Explosions. Shouting and waving around a dog-eared copy of Us Weekly. More explosions. All of these are completely recognizable human emotions expressed by Bruce Willis in his Twi-Hard With A Vengence parody on Letterman last night. So recognizable, in fact, that we were willing to ignore the fact that jokes about the Robsten scandal are, um, over a month old at this point. Hey, at least it was more thought-out than Will Ferrell’s Trampire rant on Conan! Or at least that’s what we going through our minds before we heard the rest of Bruce’s appearance, and…hoo boy.
“I was invited on one of their shows. The Real Housewives of Ishobistos Country,” Willis joke-mumbled to Dave about visiting Budapest. “What they do is, they get two great-looking women to stand and face each other and smack the s— out of each other.” Whaaa? Letterman then forced everyone in the audience to give the Expendable 2 star a standing ovation for no apparent reason. You know what? Maybe some people are meant to live their best lives inside a Twilight parody. Everyone who’s obsessed with 50 Shades of Grey, you know exactly what we’re talking about!
We were crushed earlier today when the Lady Gaga Weird Al Parody was reportedly shot down by the singer’s people. Why can’t our favorite musician from childhood get along with our favorite musician from adulthood? It’s like if Justin Timberlake got in a fight withÃ¢â‚¬Â¦well, a slightly older Justin Timberlake. However, Dave Itzkoff of the New York Times just tweeted that Gaga approved Weird’ Al’s parody for his upcoming album. “BREAKING! Weird @alyankovic ‘s manager tells me @ladygagaÃ‚Â has now given permission for “Perform This Way” to be included on his album.” See, we knew no one could turn down the accordion-and-lunch-meat-flavored sounds of the master!
Earlier today TMZ reported that Lady Gaga’s rejection of Weird Al’s parody of “Born This Way” was misreported. In fact, the Judas singer hadn’t even heard it. “There must of been a misunderstanding because [Gaga] is in no way trying to block the release of the parody,” their source claimed at the time. “She’s busy touring and hasn’t heard the song yet. Her manager hasn’t had a chance to play it for her yet. “That being said, we can think of at least three reasons Gaga wouldn’t have wanted the spoof blowing up her spot:
Weird Al is basically poking fun at her outlandish concerts, which Gaga seems to take Extremely. Seriously.
There is a faint but distinct voice that sings “Express Yourself” during the song. Such an obvious reference to the Gaga/ Madonna comparisons might not fly.
The song basically ruins every creative outfit Gaga could potentially have worn in the foreseeable future. Covered in bees? What is Weird Al, a mind reader?
Okay, so maybe Danny Zuko wouldn’t technically have a ghost since he was never actually alive, but when James Franco And Anne Hathaway reenact Grease, you’ll feel his spirit like it was John Travolta himself thrusting in those skin-tight pants. Franco tweeted the video last night; it’s almost cheesy and cute enough to make us forget Cher’s Burlesque snub. We said almost, Academy members. Almost.
On the other hand, Eva Perón is probably spinning in her grave seeing the work over she gets in Anne Hathaway’s Evita parody. After launching into a spoof of “Don’t Cry For Me Argentina,” the Love And Other Drugs star starts dancing while awkwardly mumbling Wreckx-N-Effect’s “Rump Shaker.” First Lady Perón may have put the zoom-zoom-zoom and a poom-poom, but at least she had the grace and dignity not to talk about it in front of her constituents. Then again, having already been portrayed by Madonna, it would probably take more than a little tentative grinding to stir Evita from her eternal slumber