He’s backkkk! Michael Lohan continues to be our all time favorite D-lister ever (sorry Octomom) by finding new and exciting ways to make us loath him. But get ready, because this time he truly out done himself. The slightly-less-terrible Lilo parent went on television to learn through DNA testing that he fathered a lovechild in the 90s while married to slightly-more-terrible Lilo parent Dina. The Maury-rific experience went down on Trisha Goddard’s NBC show, where Mike was joined by Kristi Horn, who has made numerous claims over the years that he is the real father of her 17-year-old daughter. Despite the accusations, Michael has repeatedly denied that the child is his, has never paid her a dime in child support, and apparently never even met the child.
So what do you do when you’re have no real talent of your own, and your cash-cow daughter’s comeback projects are looking increasingly crappy? Take your private matters to the most public venue possible! Michael learned the results of his DNA test in front of Kristi, his new-found daughter Ashley, and a studio audience. Let us level with you for a moment: We’ve been at this bloggin’ business for while by now, and we’ve seem some pretty cringe-worthy videos. This Beyonce fan fail springs immediately to mind. But when we watched the video of Michael learning that he was the real dad, our mouths were literally open in bewildered/disgusted wonderment. Bonus points for the girl rejecting Mike’s hug with a teary “No! No! No! This is the first time I’ve met you. I’m sorry, but…” After years of paternal rejection, Ol’ Mike probably had it coming. The full episode airs tonight, but we’re not sure we can take anymore.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Justin Bieber has been taking dance lessons since he was able to tie his shoes, so you know his “You Are Not The Father” dance is going to be tight. Despite the fact that Justin Bieber’s paternity lawsuit got withdrawn on Wednesday by alleged mother of his child Mariah Yeater, Justin went in for the test today anyway. “He’s ready to take a paternity test, at any moment. We have one scheduled for tomorrow,” Justin’s manager Scooter Braun told Extra last night. Bieber himself explained, “We don’t want it to seem like its okay for everyone to say, like, ‘I had Justin’s baby or having his baby.'” Unless, you know, you’re saying it quietly it into your pillow or in your secret fantasy diary. Then feel free to go crazy!
The real question is, why would Justin Bieber even bother with the test if he isn’t required to take it? As Reputation.com’s Michael Fertik told us last week, “This test is a sign of confidence in his point of view. He says he never even met her. I think he’s like, let me just put this behind me and clearly indicate this is not who I am.” That being said, Justin had better hope he’s never in a position where a paternity test might come out positive. “What he’s done is he’s set himself up,” Fertik warned. “If he ever does hook up with someone and that person claims something and he does not take a paternity test, then there’s going to be some speculation as to why. Once you go DNA, you can’t go back.” Seems like a pretty good hook for a new song, right?
Twenty-year-old Mariah Yeater has filed a paternity suit against Justin Bieber. Yes, you just read that correctly. She’s alleging that the Bieber is the father of her 3-month old child, Tristan, and that he should “provide adequate support for my baby.” Color us super shocked. She claims that they had sex backstage last year at his concert at Staples Center in L.A. The suit states that someone in his security team came up to her, asked if she wanted to meet Justin and took her backstage which is when the tryst went down. Unfortunately, he was 16 at the time, so under California law, it means he was underage. That’s a whole new set of problems.
She doesn’t hold back on the details either, and we have to admit, we feel totally gross reading them. But you have to know the story, so here goes: “Immediately, it was obvious that we were mutually attracted to one another, and we began to kiss,” Yeater claims. “Shortly thereafter, Justin Bieber suggested that I go with him to a private place where we could be alone. I agreed to go with him and on the walk to a private area, he told me he wanted to make love to me and this was going to be his first time.” This is her side of the story, remember. It’s going to be graphic and detailed to further her cause. Read more…