Guuuuuuuuys, what? You know we love Nicki Minaj and think she’s the best thing since cotton candy bubble gum ice cream pie. That being said, her new perfume bottle makes us break out in terror hives. The “Pound The Alarm” singer unveiled her debut fragrance “Pink Friday” this morning, a scent which is sold in a torso shaped like Nicki Minaj’s…limbless…torso…and…eyeless…face. What’s not to love about that? We desperate pray we’re wrong, but are those visible nipples on the bottle as well? The wig looks fierce though. We’re not even going to hate on that wig.
Of course, just because we think the cyborg vixen scent container is unnerving doesn’t mean everyone agrees; Nicki has been fielding compliments from gushing barbz via Twitter literally all day. On the other hand, we can’t shake the feeling that we’re going to wake up in the middle of the night with our Nicki bottle having come to life…with dire consequences. Do you agree? If it helps you decide, keep in mind that Minaj also described the scent as smelling like “like angels playing,” which could be literally anything. Ozone? Jet exhaust? Harp polish? Who wants to buy the upper half of a buxom robot filled with harp polish? Alright, alright. Put down your hands, you pervs.
Lady Gaga has unveiled the contents of her new perfume Fame on Twitter, declaring “Here’s what it smells like!” Said ingredients are…almost exactly what you’d expect. The list of the Gaga-esque ingredients include:
Tears of belladonna
Crushed heart of tiger orchidea
Black veil of incense
The combinative essences of saffron and honey drops
Just kidding about that last one! Ain’t no bugs in that fancy jug! “Looks like photos of my perfume are being leaked. Oh you fashion editors I could just crinkle my hands at you!,” Gaga tweeted before revealing the fragrance herself, chiding the overeager fans who unleashed the first glimpses of her scent. Our hands are getting crinkly too, Gaga. Why? As you might remember, when announcing her upcoming fragrance way, way, way back in January 2011, Gaga promised that the scene would “smell of blood and semen.” No, we’re not kidding: that is what she said. How could we make that up? We’re not all fabulous goth diva geniuses. Meanwhile, we have a hard time believing those saffron and honey drops are going to produce the sensual smell of a hospital hazardous waste bin like we’ve been anticipating. At least the packaging refers to it “Black Fluid.” That’s almost creepy enough. We guess.
Most brands like Marc Jacobs or Lancome hire gorgeous actresses (Dakota Fanning and Emma Watson, respectively) to be the faces of their perfume in order to sell a specific image. “Look at the kind of woman you could be if you wear our fragrance!,” their ads seem to say. “You can wear a pixie cut and baby doll dresses and not look like some sort of massive, sweet-smelling toddler!” Chanel, on the other hand, decided to skip right over the whole “woman’s perfume” issue entirely and instead hot-wired their new Chanel No. 5 campaign directly to the Brad Pitt-loving part of your brain. Does the fact Brad would never actually wear Chanel No. 5 himself affect whether or not you’d buy their fragrance? Let’s see…does looking at his super-hot face right now make you want to smash open your piggy bank and sprint all the way to Neiman Marcus? Yup, we think we just answered our own question.
“Chanel has selected world renowned actor Brad Pitt to be the face of the upcoming advertising campaign for CHANEL No. 5,” the label declared in a release today. Pitt’s deal with Chanel apparently marks both the first time a man has been a face of the fragrance and Brad’s first job as a beauty spokesmodel. Oh man, if this ploy works, Pitt is slowly going to become the spokesperson for every product for women. You had better start looking for a new job now, Jamie Lee Curtis. That cushy Activia gig is about to be snatched right out from under you!
We were baffled to come in this morning to find pictures of Lady Gaga looking (gasp) shockingly normal (and hot) as she caught some waves in Mexico. But thank god Rihanna stepped up to the bizarro fashion plate and knocked a homer way out of WTF Park. Riri showed up to the London launch of her new scent ‘Reb’l Fleur’ today wearing what appears to be a top made of shaggy Muppet fur. What would (platonic) Muppet lover Jason Segel say!? Are you diggin the (errr…) risky look, or do you think she should throw it in Oscar’s trashcan? Get a closer look in the gallery below!
Is it fair to assume that Rihanna’s new Reb’l Fleur perfume ad suggests that if you buy it, you might one day have a really fabulous break with reality? One spritz of RiRi’s smell water and you’ll find yourself frolicking with bird people, catch glimpses of a deformed man-beast (we’re not the only ones that see those super long arms, right?) and traveling to the edge of sanity, only to get groped by hot people who may or may not even be there. Hmm, we think we’ve already seen this film, except it started Natalie Portman, had way fewer tiny hats and featured the exact right amount of Mila Kunis.
Rihanna’s new scent might not exactly cause you to imagine you’re growing wings or make you crush your mom’s hand with rage, but it does strike a nice balance between the panting sensuality of, say, Beyonce’s perfume ad, and the outright terror of Lady Gaga’s blood and semen scent. We might even call it perfect, if we weren’t too afraid it would turn us into demonic flamingo ladies.
For all you little monsters out there who’ve ever dreamed of smelling like Gaga, there’s good news! No need to keep wrapping yourself in desiccated meat or sleep next to a smoldering skeleton, just spray on Lady Gaga’s new perfume, which will “smell of blood and semen.” We’re sure it’s only a matter of time before she announces her men’s cologne line, “Mucus and Tears.”
Don’t go thinking that Momsen’s changing just to please us, guys. Sure, Taylor might not be buck naked, but the lingerie, thigh-highs and ancient-scroll-biting show us that Momsen’s parents are still on that incredibly long vacation they’ve been on since Taylor was 2. The only question remains, will people want to buy a scent that reeks of eau de Momsen? Based the video we’re guessing it smells like a mix of new leather, ostrich quills and perpetual frowning. Too bad we’ve finished our Christmas shopping already, or our whole family could be smelling like the back of Heart’s tour bus for New Year’s.
After already conquering our ears and (we’ll admit it) our eyes, Taylor Swift is moving on to conquer our noses. We don’t know what T-Swift smells like, but we’re guessing she smells pretty good, right? Good enough that other people might want to smell like her too. Enter the folks at Elizabeth Arden to make your fantasy come true! The beauty giant has just announced that they are developing Taylor Swift’s own fragrance line, which will hit shelves next fall.
Now we know Eau de Taylor probably won’t smell like Miss Swift herself. But she is taking a very hands-on role in making sure her scent is personalized. “I have always loved how fragrance can shape a memory,” she said in a press release, “and the way certain scents remind you of events and people that are imprinted in your thoughts. Lately I’ve been having fun experimenting with combining some of my favorite scents, so I’m really excited about working with Elizabeth Arden to develop my own unique fragrance.”