pete wentz

by (@katespencer)

No One Cares About Bronx Mowgli

  • Page Six: Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz are having a difficult time selling pictures of their newborn baby, Bronx Mowgli, because according to sources, “nobody wants them. Covers of them tend not to sell well.”
  • Scandalist’s Response: Bahhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha ha!

Maybe it’s time for Ashlee to make another reality show about her latest journey (whatever that is – getting the breast pump to work, probably)? Or perhaps she should really go crazy and dye her hair – on her own! Something’s gotta get these two back into the spotlight fast.  [Photo: WireImage]

by (@katespencer)

Ashlee And Pete Ruin Baby Boy With Ridiculous Name

First things first: congratulations Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz! The emo rockers are now proud parents to a baby boy, who was born late Thursday night. Their new bundle of joy weighed in at 7 pounds, 11 ounces and is 20.5 inches long. Adorable! Now that that’s over, let’s get to the real news: They named their child Bronx Mowgli Wentz. Seriously. Time to get that newborn into therapy! Let’s break down their horrific name choice, shall we?

  • Bronx: Last time we checked Ashlee was from Dallas and Pete Chicago, so neither singer has any real connection to NYC other than that they probably wished they lived here. But hey, if you want to name your kid after their birthplace of rap, then fine. Maybe they should have added Boogie Down to it?
  • Mowgli: Holy sh*t. This is some character in The Jungle Book. If I were their baby I’d be learning to walk so I could run the eff out of there.

Even if poor Bronx tried to go by his initials – BMW – he’d still look like a total douchebag. We’d suggest BM, but that’s what our grandmother called a bowel movement back in the day. With a name like that, and a family that includes crazy aunt Jessica, we’d say poor little Bronxie is already f*cked.  [Photo: WireImage]

by (@katespencer)

Ashlee Simpson About To Pop Out Punk Baby

Pete Wentz has revealed that wife Ashlee Simpson is about to give birth at any second. “She is at the very end, and it could happen at any point now,” Pete said of his wife’s ballooning belly. He also went on to describe her as “anxious,” and reveals that, “I think she wants it to be over. She just wants to not be pregnant any more…She’s hot all the time.”

Spoken like a true man who loves wearing eyeliner. We’re excited for the Simpson-Wentz spawn to emerge from Ashlee’s punk rock womb, because we’re sure they have a Hollywood-hipster name ready for the tot, along with some studded footsie pajamas. That kid’ll be rockin’ a mohawk before he can walk.  [Photo: GettyImages]