Pirates of the Caribbean

by (@hallekiefer)

Johnny Depp In Talks For More Money…We Mean, For Pirates 5

The world wants Johnny Depp to have more money than the GDP of Norway, and they will not stop seeing pirate movies until he does! Johnny Depp’s fifth Pirates sequel is in the works, and the star is allegedly already in talks over how many millions of dollars he needs to maintain his greasy fedora collection…oh no, sorry, that is to say, how a fifth film will fit into the greater artistic vision of the series. It’s no wonder Disney is antsy to churn out another nautical hit;  Pirates of the Carribean: On Stranger Tides has made $1 billion world-wide since it’s release on May 20. That’s society’s one universal truth: everyone on the planet loves men in eyeliner. It’s just an amazing look!

Insiders say producer Jerry Bruckheimer is currently working with screenwriters to finalize the screenplay to Depp’s liking, an important step considering Depp didn’t understand Pirates 2 and 3. Johnny is already signed on to play Tonto in the upcoming Lone Ranger film, but afterward we’re sure he’ll be wrestling with a giant squid again soon. At least, that’s what will happen if they would just a minute and read our Pirates screenplay.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

by (@hallekiefer)

Pirates Of The Caribbean Director Against Mermaid Breast Implants

We’re glad someone is finally taking a stand against a growing problem amongst mythological beasts: too many breast implants! Luckily Jerry Bruckheimer banned mermaid boob jobs from his new film Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, paving the way for flatter, more natural-looking merpeople. In an interview with EW, Bruckheimer discussed a widely-circulated audition announcement for the mermaid roles that read “Must have real breasts. Do not submit if you have implants.” We kind of feel bad for any mermaids who’s fake boobs made them ineligible. We’d also like to know how they found out about them, and if they paid for them in shells.

Among the natural ladies who were cast as one of the cryptozoological creatures in Stranger Tides, Bruckheimer chose French actress Astrid Berges-Frisbey for the role of Syrena the Mermaid, to play against Johnny Depp‘s Jack Sparrow. Bruckheimer says that he was not joking when it comes to his anti-plastic surgery requirements. “I don’t think they had breast augmentation in the 1700s. So it’s natural for casting people to say, ‘We want real people,’” Jerry says. We sure hope they didn’t have them back then. What would they even be made out of? Seaweed?

[Photo: Disney]

by (@missmuttoo)

Johnny Depp Keeps His Crew Warm, Shows How Awesome He Is Once Again

How awesome is this man? Answer: Very. Reports indicate that Johnny Depp bought jackets for 500 Pirates of the Caribbean crew members. Because they were cold. All together now… Awwww! Johnny apparently spent £40,000 on the new coats, which must mean they’re made of gold and the tears of angels.

Apparently, Johnny noticed that the crew was freezing at Pinewood studios in Buckinghamshire, England, while they were shooting. So the coolest pirate ever decreed that there should be jackets for everybody and paid for each and every one of them. One lucky source revealed, “Johnny paid out of his own pocket for all 500 of us to have a nice warm waterproof. It’s a great morale boost and another example of why his is one of the nicest people in Hollywood.”

We’re loving this whole quiet philanthropic side of his. Remember when Johnny helped out those elementary school kiddie pirates? Or when Depp foiled a mugger? Give him a cape and call him Superman already! And ummm, Johnny? You can keep us warm anytime!*

*This is a hint. We want to spoon. Call us.

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Jack Sparrow Helps Elementary School Pirates

Johnny Depp’s awesome level has just reached superhuman levels. When student Beatrice Delap wrote a letter to Pirates of the Carribean hero Jack Sparrow looking for help staging a mutiny against her teachers, Depp took a hands-on approach. Yesterday the actor showed up at the girl’s elementary school, dressed in full pirate regalia.

The nine-year-old wrote: “Captain Jack Sparrow, at Meridian Primary School, we are a bunch of budding young pirates and we were having a bit of trouble mutiny-ing against the teachers, and we’d love if you could come and help.”

Depp, who was filming scenes for the upcoming Pirates of the Carribean: On Stranger Tides in nearby East London, appeared at the school with only ten minutes notice. According to the Daily Mail, he addressed the students in trademark Sparrow rasp. The sashaying swashbuckler then called Delap out of the crowd for a hug, and told her that he intended to frame her letter before adding, “Maybe we shouldn’t mutiny today, ‘cos there are police outside that have been monitoring me.”

Our biggest question for the lucky “budding pirate” is: where did you get Captain Sparrow’s address? And can you send it our way?