Think about the time and energy it takes you to plan your Saturday night. Le stress, am I right? Now think about planning an entire security detail for The Real Housewives of New York‘s vacation in Morocco. Where the hell do you even start? Just ask celebrity protector Kent Moyer.
It used to be when a new reality TV show was set to premiere, everyone would do some digging and turn up a cast member’s porn past. Whether it was an American Idol contestant who failed to disclose a scandalous past or one of the many Rock of Love girls who turned out to be a Playboy “bunny,” there was always a dramatic reveal and producers scrambling to clean up the PR mess. But for those who went on the show with relatively squeaky clean pasts, what was next after their moment in the sun? How did they extend their fifteen minutes into a solid twenty? While some went into acting and others into politics, some got into porn. Whether it was intentional (hardcore videos, posing for Playboy) or “accidental” (you have to love all those sex tape leaks), a number of reality stars stripped down in order to keep their careers going.
Oh, what a wonderful feeling to have porn offers shower themselves upon you, as soon as you turn 18-years-old. A sign that you’ve done something right with your life, if anything. Right. Okay, then. We’re really trying not to roll our eyes here. Courtney Stodden turned 18 less than a week ago, and just as expected, the triple X offers came flowing in, now that the lady was technically of age. But Courtney made her stance clear over Twitter, tweeting, “No to porn … yes to Playboy ;) xxx” yesterday. Guys, I think she’s trying to tell us that Playboy made her an offer. High five on our sleuthing skills! Sadly, TMZ‘s Playboy sources have another story to tell, claiming, “[Playboy] would NEVER take her. I don’t think anybody really wants to see that anyway.” Ouch. How about you tell us what you really think, sources. Apparently, the folks at the magazine think that Courtney, “doesn’t meet the standards of a Playboy model” because she looks far too “enhanced.” You don’t say. Camp Stodden has jumped to their newly-legal charge’s rescue saying the sources don’t know squat. Courtney’s momager, Krista Keller told E!, “TMZ doesn’t know what they’re talking about. Clearly, their ‘sources’ are different than ours.” Looks like someone at Playboy needs to speak up ASAP before a whole he says-she says squabble starts up!
We can’t believe it’s been nearly five years since Kim Kardashian dropped trou for Playboy. We feel like it was only yesterday she was telling Glamour that she posed nude for the “independence,” claiming “I was always by the book, such the straight arrow when it came to pleasing my parents and being a good daughter.” Oh wait…that was just last year. Okay, so Kim has been getting a leverage from her various nude exploits for a long time. “These pics are from behind the scenes at my Playboy shoot back in 2007. Charlene Roxbourough styled me, Matt van Leeuwen did my makeup, Clyde Haygood did my hair and Hype Williams shot it!,” she posted with the photos. Based on the vintage pics, it seems like there were three key ingredients to Kim’s superior Playboy cover:
Who would have thought that Tommy Solomon from Third Rock From The Sun would grow up into this guy, huh? To say that Joseph Gordon-Levitt floats our boat would be an understatement. He seems to be pretty down with the Playboy crew since they’ve selected him to be the celebrity for their 20 questions round for the magazine’s September issue. And they put him in a red suit. Not the easiest thing to pull off, but he’s managed to look pretty damn good in it. There’s a lot of talking shop in the piece, about him directing short films, making the transition from kid star to grown-up actor and such, but we’re going to cut straight through to the meat. The interviewer, Stephen Rebello, asks him, “Your character in (500) Days made extravagant gestures in the name of love. What kind of woman could make you do that?” Start taking notes, ladies. Joe’s response is, “Making checklists of things you’re looking for in a person is the numero uno thing you can do to guarantee you’ll be alone forever. You can’t meet someone and think, Do they have everything I want in a person? You just have to pay attention, keep your eyes open, listen to people and be present. I guess what I look for in a girl is someone who’s doing that too. Beyond that there’s not much more I would specify, because you never f— know, man.” Uh oh. Stop taking notes, right now! No more notes! Too late … we all blew it.
So, Jenny McCarthy hasn’t aged in the last 20 years, right? That’s what we’re getting from Jenny McCarthy’s new Playboy cover, which has the Love in The Wild host posing as nude as the day she was born, or at least nude as the day she first posed for Playboy back in 1993. After her initial spread killed, Jenny went on to become a Playmate of the Year, as well as pose approximately 1,000 more times for the magazine. So…can Jenny McCarthy just pose every 5 or 10 years for the rest of her life? We as a society are ready for it. So ready.
“I’m really proud of it,” McCarthy told People about her fishnet-begloved August 2012 cover. “The pictures are really gorgeous and classy. They could be out of W magazine. They’re really elegant. It’s probably a lot more sophisticated than a lot of the stuff you’d see of people with their clothes on.” You know what else is surprisingly classy? All of Jenny’s previous Playboy covers. No, seriously, take a look! Personally we think McCarthy is the most jaw-dropping in her most recent photo (Photoshop skills notwithstanding), but take a look at her previous covers and let us know: which of Jenny’s Playboy covers is the smoking-est?
Something can be both empowering and way, way, way TMI, right? Actually, now that we think about it…we guess a lot of empowering things are. To wit, Jenny McCarthy‘s decision to stray from the standard issue Playboy style and pose for the magazine au natural. You know, in the pants area? “What’s everything?” the actress said on Todayafter being asked if she planned on showing “everything” in her photo shoot. “I mean I grew out a bush so nobody sees anything.” Jenny McCarthy: keeping it real, 24/7!
Personally, we love this. We’re not saying Vh1 is about to come out with a strong pro-pubes agenda or anything (we’re still hashing that out with the lawyers), but it is nice to hear that Jenny is doing exactly what she wants to do, rather than changing her look or body or self or downstairs situation to fit some kind of cookie cutter Playboy ideal. On a related note, where would one even get a cookie cutter like that? “I figured [I'd do it] one more time before everything really falls apart,” the Love in the Wild host added about her upcoming appearance in the mag. “Why not? And [my son] Evan‘s tuition was really expensive this year.” Haha, oh boy. What do you think? Is Jenny is holding it down for the ladies, or are you holding your hands over your eyes in repulsion? Or does the whole situation in general make you want to roll your eyes so far back in your head, you can see your brain?
I’m not even 30 yet. I will be in a couple of months, but I don’t know if I’d ever have the cojones to do what Jenny McCarthy‘s doing to celebrate her birthday. And the woman is turning 40! But then again, one would have to have Jenny’s body to do what she’s doing. Her actual big day’s on November 1, but to countdown to turning the big 4-0, Jen’s going to be posing naked on the cover of Playboy‘s July-August issue. And it’s not just the front of the magazine. She’s got a whole spread inside as well and she’ll be in her … you guessed it … birthday suit.
This is like wish fulfillment for her, as she had said, back in 2009, that she wanted to pose nude for the magazine again. “I would be so flattered if they asked me. It’s probably not going to happen but I think I want to do it again,” were her words. Ask, and thou shall receive, Jenny. Her first naked spread for Playboy was back in 1993, FYI, and she received the “Playmate of the Year” title after it. How does one even prepare for something like this? Ask your trainer to move in? Swear off food? Forgo all liquids except water? Or perhaps, all of the above? Jokes aside, we’re sure that Jenny’s going to look like a million bucks.
Extra! Extra! There’s a hooligan on the April cover ofPlayboy, and he looks like he may be doo-wopping. Thasright. It’s retro dreamboat Bruno Mars covering the men’s magazine next month. The singer (fully-clothed, of course) appears alongside Miss April, Raquel Pomplun for Playboy‘s “Sex and Music” issue. Mars has the honor of being the 10th man in the magazine’s 58-year-old history, to appear on the cover. Here’s a little trivia: The first man to get a cover was Peter Sellers, back in 1964. It’s been a small club since then with men like Burt Reynolds (1979), Steve Martin (1980) and Donald Trump (1990) following suit. The last man before Bruno to get a cover was Seth Rogen in 2009.
The singer’s also posing in a full fashion spread inside, accompanying the interview where he discusses topics like the musicians who influenced him growing up. “Growing up in the showbiz world, I looked up to those guys: Frank Sinatra and of course Elvis Presley. My dad was into the 1950s doo-wop era,” Bruno reveals, adding, “If you look at those groups, or at James Brown, Jackie Wilson and the Temptations in the 1960s, you’ll see you had to be sharp onstage.” The magazine’s out on stands the day after tomorrow if you want a peek.