Color us shocked that none of the ladies of Jersey Shore have ever posed for Playboy. Sure, JWoww did an issue of Maxim, but even then she still managed to keep her one-piece on. If any of the roommates is going to show off her meatballs, however, it’s not Sammi. “My boobs are real, they will sag to the floor,” she told HDNet, shooting down recent Playboy rumors. “I just feel weird about my boobs. … But I don’t know. I don’t know if that’s the right direction you want to go in.” Girl, no. You’ve just been around JWoww’s epic beach ball-sized implants for too long. Monster truck tires would feel saggy next to such magnificence.
Not that Sammi doesn’t keep abreast (see what we did there?) of which celebs are posing in their birthday suit. “She looked fabulous. She looked amazing,” she gushed about Lindsay Lohan Playboy shoot, before admitting, “You never know what tomorrow will bring.” Girl, again, no. If even Snooki isn’t doing it, neither should you. So…Deena will be first then, right?
You know when your dog proudly deposits a chewed-up vole in your sneaker thinking he’s giving you a gift, when in reality the sight of it makes you scream, flap your hands around and suppress your gag reflex? On a related note, Hugh Hefner is now bragging about how he pushed for, and got, full nudity in Lindsay Lohan’s Playboy photos. “I think it was essentially mama and the folks around her that kept pushing for less nudity,” Hef told E! News. “And I said, ‘We’re doing a nude pictorial here. We’re going to do it in a very classy way and we’re going to do it in a way in which it will not be forgotten.’” Um, a situation in which Dina Lohan gives her daughter excellent life advice? You better believe we’ll never forget it.
While the Playboy founder acknowledges that he was the brains behind the Marilyn Monroe-inspired shoot (“The pictorial and the conceptâ€¦came from me,” he says), Hef also reveals that he had second thoughts about the photos given Lohan’s tumultuous personal life. “It really came as a surprise to me,” He admits. “I kind of had mixed emotions about it initially. . . I wasn’t quite sure where she was at in her life, obviously. It depends on whether it’s Tuesday or Thursday.” Looks like it was a Tuesday! Or a Thursday? Whichever day makes it less less awful for Hugh Hefner to suggest you take your pants off.
Looks like we’ll be missing out on a lot of awkward grimacing and exasperated eye rolls, now that Lindsay Lohan has bailed on her schedule taping of The Ellen DeGeneres Show today. Gossip Cop reports that Lilo allegedly failed to return to L.A. from her Hawaiian vacation, meaning her interview may have to be scrapped entirely. Don’t worry, Lilo! We can just tape a picture of you and Ellen to the wall and stare at it for an hour; that’ll equal out to approximately the same amount of uncomfortable silence!
Seemingly in support of their claims, Lindsay Lohan’s rep allegedly told Gossip Cop, “Lindsay was delayed in Hawaii due to a travel-related issue. She will be heading back this evening in time to appear in court tomorrow. Lindsay offered to tape Ellen tomorrow, but the show was unable to shift things around, and tomorrow is their last day of taping for the season.” Rumors suggested that the Lindsay Lohan Playboy pics that leaked last Friday would have been the focal point of their interview, which means we may now never know the answer to all our in-depth questions! Questions like, “What were you thinking?” and “Why did they make your lips look like that?” and “Did Dina tell you to do this? She did, didn’t she? That woman!”
I have long been a fan of the phenomenon that is Lindsay Lohan. Even when times got dark and weird (they’re still pretty dark and weird, huh?), I’ve always rooted for LiLo to pull through in some way. Maybe I’m just holding on to the magic of Lindsay in Mean Girls, but seriously — did you see her in Mean Girls? So good! And while it’s unclear if she’s ever really going to rebound from the mess that is her life (Dina and Michael, I still blame you for this), she’s clearly trying to with this Playboy spread. My personal opinions about the sexy naked pics are as follows:
Woah, her boobs?! Best real boobs ever or best fake boobs ever?
Does she have albino nipples?
Sigh. She looks way too much like Amanda Lepore in those Marilyn Monroe inspired pics.
The photos where she’s rockin’ her regular hair are pretty hot.
This is kinda tastefully done, right? Just me?
I wish she’d skip nudie spreads and just make some kick-ass movies again. Nothing big; small, independent features where she can prove her talent and shine like the star I know she is. Come on, Lindsay, work with me here.
Ellen DeGeneres, no! Seeing Lindsay Lohan’s Playboy photos on your show is not the kind of fun we want to have a little of today. “Lindsay has agreed to do one media interview during the on-sale period of her issue, and has chosen Ellen. Lindsay will not be doing any additional interviews to promote her pictorial,” a Playboy rep informed the New York Post. Ugh, we just want to see Ellen dancing around all goofy in her Vans, no aiding and abetting what seems like the next stop on the downward spiral of Lohan’s career!
We guess now that Oprah has moved on to bigger and infinitely better things, Ellen would be our first pick to show off our new “project,” too. That being said, what is DeGeneres getting out of this?Â The moms that tune into her show don’t want to hear about Lilo’s nudie photos; they want to buy her a sandwich before slapping Dina Lohan across the face. On top of all that, this is a real missed opportunity for Maury! That being said, be sure to set your Tivos now for December 15. You know none of us would dare miss it.
Lindsay Lohan, we sincerely love you. Every time someone screams at us that they want their pink shirt back (which is a lot), we are immediately taken back to your film heyday. That being said, the whole Lindsay Lohan/Marilyn Monroe comparison has got to end. Sources report that Lindsay Lohan’s Playboy spread, due out around Christmas for the magazine’s January/February issue, is an homage to Marilyn Monroe’s photos in the magazine’s debut issue. “The pictorial is absolutely fantastic and very tasteful,” Lohan’s rep confirms. Considering the photos reportedly include full-frontal nudity, we’d like to refer Lilo’s rep to the Merriam-Webster definition of “tasteful” for future use.
This wouldn’t be the first time Lilo has posed nude in a Monroe-inspired spread; as you undoubtedly recall, she recreated “The Last Sitting,” Monroe’s 1962 nude shoot, for New York magazine in 2008. This is in addition to Lindsay’s Marilyn tattoo, the Monroe-inspired name of her fashion line (6126 translating into Marilyn’s birthday of 6/01/1926) and her introduction for the book Marilyn: Intimate Exposures, in which Lindsay all but claims to be Marilyn Monroe reincarnated in a slightly smaller, infinitely more freckly body. Other than their struggles with illegal substances and rocky professional reputations, however, do these two have much in common? Let’s compare:
Marilyn Monroe: Appeared in 32 completed films, the last one being The Misfits.
Lindsay Lohan: Appeared in 17 films, including 2012′s Underground Comedy, in which Lindsay playsâ€¦Marilyn.
Marilyn Monroe: Nominated for a BAFTA award for The Prince and The Showgirl; won a Golden Globe for Some Like It Hot.
Lindsay Lohan: Nominated for a SAG award for Bobby; won multiple Razzies for I Know Who Killed Me.
Marilyn Monroe: Is generally heralded as an excellent comedic actress limited by typecasting.
Lindsay Lohan: Is currently embroiled in a lawsuit with Pitbull over his rap lyric referring her stint in jail.
Well, it looks like this Lindsay Lohan’s Playboy shoot is really happening, at least according to her mom. And who doesn’t want their mother talking to the press about their nude magazine pictorial? Anyone? Anyone? “The photo shoot went well,” Dina Lohanreported to X17online after photographers snapped photos of Lilo entering the Playboy Mansion on Tuesday. Dina didn’t go into details as to how a nude photo shoot would go badly, but we’re assuming it would involve a bunch of marbles spilled on the floor and Hugh Hefner getting accidentally kicked in the face.
Ali Lohan allegedly tagged along to the shoot as well, and unless they were all just having their picture taken for the family Christmas card, we’re going to recommend that you take a steaming hot shower, and vigorously scrub the skeeve off your brain. Oh wait, think about how Lindsay is being offered $1 million to have a sex toy modeled after her lady business, then go take a mind shower. The only this missing from this picture (besides Lindsay’s pants) is of course Michael Lohan, though all of a sudden, his third-story leap to freedom makes a whole lot more sense. Who would want to miss something America has been quietly predicting since I Know Who Killed Me was released?
If TMZ has got its story straight, then Lindsay Lohan is doing Playboy. That’s going to make people like JudgeStephanie Sautner just thrilled to bits. Seriously, LiLo? Now may not be the best time to take your clothes off, what with her upcoming hearing. On the other hand, maybe photo shoots are a good way to earn an income while still finding time to serve her community service requirements?
Of course, there’s no way in hell she could have said no, because the site also reports that she scored close to a million dollars for the deal. Sources say that she was originally offered $750,000 but haggled until she got it pushed up to just under the million mark. While Lindz’s spokesperson has said, “I can neither confirm or deny at this time,” the shoot allegedly started over the weekend.
Everyone is familiar with the story of the little girl who befriends an alien and has some out-of-this-world adventures. Oh wait, you’re thinking ofE.T. We’re talking about the friendship that blossomed between Rashida Jones and Michael Jackson.Ã‚Â “He was definitely a little bit of an alien, for sure, and when I was young, it felt as if he was my age, not 18 years older, but with just a little bit more pep,” the Parks and Rec star tells Playboy. Plus, how many adults own their own monkey? Not as many as you’d think as a kid.
It was through her producer father Quincy Jones that Rashida got to hang out with Michael Jackson and as you might expect, a man who’s house is mostly an amusement park is usually a lot of fun. “Later, we’d go out on the town together. He always wore those surgical masks,” Jones recalls. “Once, my sister, Michael, Ã‚ÂEmmanuel Lewis and I got in a car with Super Soakers and went by a movie theater and supersoaked the hell out of people waiting in line. They had no idea they’d just been supersoaked by the King of Pop.” Seriously though, why wasn’t that a movie? We’d pay $12 to see that on the big screen.
Suffering from a severe case of Rich Person Reality Blindness, Jenny Mollen Biggs talked to Playboy’s The Smoking Jacket about her husband Jason Biggs’ prostitute encounter in Las Vegas for his birthday. According to Mrs. Biggs, she and the American Pie star ran into a comedy of errors while trying to purchase the services of a lady of the evening (miscommunication, ATM mishap) before settling on a sex worker named Keisha. You guys know a pie only costs about $10 at the store, right? You guys also know this story makes you seem like two profound creeps, right?
Unfortunately for them, but fortunately for anyone with eyes and the ability to read, the American Reunion star suffered performance anxiety and was unable to go forward with the evening’s planned activities. According to Mollen, their guest for the evening couldn’t have been nicer. “She lightened the mood by saying, ‘Look, see? Your husband must really love you. He couldnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t even stay excited by the idea of another woman,’” she writes. And now that we know this, you have to know it too. We just couldn’t be the only ones! We’re so sorry!