We never thought we’d say this but…we feel bad for Hugh Hefner. Sure, he’s made a fortune out of being the quintessential dirty old man, but hearing about Crystal Harris and Hugh Hefner’s sex life on the radio just seems a cruel prank on someone’s grandpa. “[It lasted] like, two seconds,” Harris told Howard Stern Show on Sirius XM, referring to her former fiance’s bedroom skills. “Then I was just over it. I was like, ‘Ahh.’ I was over it. I just, like, walked away. I’m not turned on by Hef. Sorry.” Crystal, please! Can’t you just quietly decide to be grossed out by the idea of sleeping with Hugh Hefner like the rest of America? We blame you for giving Hugh the moral high ground.
Following Hef and Crystal’s canceled wedding back in June, we had a lot of sympathy for the former Playboy model, but this seems extremely harsh. We shudder to think about what our former fiances would say about our withered old bodies and sub-par sexual prowess. Luckily Hef seems to have cloned himself a new identical blond girlfriend Shera Bechard, who hopefully loves money…we mean, loves Hugh enough to keep those intimate, barf-inducing details private.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Crystal Harris is yesterday’s news. Hugh Hefner‘s already moved on to another blonde, and she’s not Anna Sophia Berglund. Keeping true to his string of nearly identical girlfriends, Hef’s newest lady is Shera Bechard. He explained it all on Twitter when he tweeted about who exactly his mystery lady was, writing, “Shera is both our November 2011 Playmate & my new girlfriend…” That’s pretty clear, isn’t it? The Hef is taken. He’s sounding quite moony in his tweets to Shera writing endearments like, “It was a fun night, but we missed you, Shera” and “Goodnight, darling.”
In case you’re wondering, Bechard is also an actress who starred in a movie called Sweet Karma two years ago. And no, we haven’t heard of it and nor do we plan to seek it out. But we do wish Hef well with his new relationship. We’re not sure it’s going to stay singular for too long because we all know how he likes a bevy around him.
[Photo: Getty Images]
To everything there is a season: a time for joy, a time for sorrow. A time to date the girl on your right, and a time to date the girl on your left…at least if you’re Hugh Hefner. The octagenarian has reportedly gotten over his split with fiancee Crystal Harris (pictured on the right) by spending time with Miss January 2011 Anna Sophia Berglund (pictured on his left). According to TMZ, Berglund now sleeps in his bed and spent a recent movie date smooching up a a storm with the elderly magnate. And we all wondered if he’d ever get over last week’s heartbreak!
Don’t expect Harris to be too bothered by this sudden recovery. “Crystal came by to see how I’ve been doing,” Hefner tweeted yesterday. “We remain close friends.” Meanwhile, Harris and Berglund are apparently planning a trip to Hershey, Pennsylvania. Gee, Harris breaks up with her elderly fiance, claiming she can’t handle his “Playboy lifestyle.” Now he’s smooching the young thing they posed with at events, and Harris seems dandy with both. One of these people just isn’t being straight with us…if any of them are.
Hugh Hefner probably didn’t think he’d live to see this. According to TMZ, Crystal Harris has called off her wedding to the 85-year-old Playboy founder, with multiple sources claiming she moved out of the mansion after a heated phone conversation with Hef this weekend. Hefner and Harris, a 24-year-old ex-Playmate, announced their engagement late last year, to the consternation of his ex Holly Madison.
Since the wedding isn’t scheduled until Saturday, Harris has plenty of time to change her mind…assuming she’s run off in the first place. While TMZ says the argument went down over the weekend, Crystal has been innocently tweeting away the entire time, announcing her new single “Club Queen” (which Hef retweeted!) and, in the last few hours, sharing a Funny Or Die video she made about the age difference between her and Hef. The wedding would have been—or will be!—Hugh’s third.
UPDATE: Looks like the story is legit, Hef just tweeted “The wedding is off. Crystal has had a change of heart.” It’s amazing she’s been able to tweet through the tears.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Hugh Hefner let the Kat out of the bag yesterday, tweeting, “The May issue of Playboy is unforgettable with Dancing With The Stars’ Karina Smirnoff on the cover & nude inside.” Karina in Playboy means what exactly for the family-friendly Dancing With The Stars? According to sources, they aren’t too happy about this news. “If Karina posed naked,” says an insider, “she can kiss her dancing days goodbye. I hope for Karina’s sake that this isn’t true.”
Apparently, ABC’s hellbent on protecting the image of the show which, apart from a steamy Latin dance or two, is all rainbows and apple pie. Another source revealed, “ABC publicity department controls the image of this show with an iron fist. It’s a cash cow and they are not going to allow its reputation to be soiled by a dancer who wants to do Playboy.” Is that fair? More importantly, is that true? We’ll have to see when the May issue rolls in!
[Photo: Getty Images]
So far this drama is looking like a remake of Outbreak, except the Ebola monkey is played by an 80-year-old pornographer. New reports say that the Los Angeles Health Department is investigating the Playboy Mansion outbreak. Believed to have started Feb. 3 at a Mansion fund-raising event, the Playboy outbreak has infected 170 guests with legionellosis, or Pontiac fever, which is just the kind of old-timey illness you would immediately associate with Hugh Hefner.
The bacteria involved typically grows in warm water, like the half-water, half-tanning oil swamp known as the Playboy Grotto, and so far the investigation has centered on Mansion employees who worked the week of Feb. 3. In their attempt to ascertain if the Grotto itself caused the outbreak, employees were given a survey with such questions as, “When you worked at the Mansion, did you spend any time near any of the following water features?” then lists the “Grotto/pool” and “Dance floor near fog machine.” Employees were also asked they suffered symptoms such as abdominal pain, diarrhea and shortness of breath, proving once and for all that Hef’s bottle of baby oil is only the second, maybe even third, biggest source of contamination at the Mansion.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Most famous actresses want to bury their youthful modeling pics due to some scandalous nudity that might negatively affect their career. Christina Hendrick’s Playboy photos, on the other hand, show the actress still clothed…but feet away from a terrifying clown. Which are more embarrassing now? Either way, there is no element of these pictures we do not find disturbing.
The pictures popped up on Playboy’s Twitter, taken during a 1999 photoshoot for an article on shooters of the alcohol variety, which we imagine Christina had to drink a lot of in order to agree to this albino triplet look. Though she definitely looks good in her painfully ’90s silver bikini, where exactly are Christina Hendrick’s famous curves? Goes to show that some people really can gain 30 lbs and look better after the fact. That’s what we’re telling ourselves, anyway.
[Photos: Playboy's Twitter]
Things weren’t pretty when Holly Madison visited the Playboy Mansion recently to meet up with Hugh Hefner and his new fiancée Crystal Harris. Holly described the encounter, which was being filmed for her TV show Holly’s World, as “awkward,” and she said she did it because she “wanted to see [Hef] and Crystal and tell everybody face-to-face how I felt.” While we have to wait to see Holly’s World when it airs later this month, the former Girl Next Door hasn’t been shy about expressing “how she felt” to anyone who will listen.
Madison told Life & Style “I’d like to see Hef settle down. I just want it to be with the right person, and I feel like he’s making a hasty decision. I’m not sure Crystal is the best thing for him.” She also followed up by insinuating that she thinks Crystal may not have the best intentions. “Crystal hasn’t been around very long — she’s a mysterious character. No one knows much about her. Plus, she’s very young, probably too young to settle down. I’ve seen a lot of girls try to date Hef, and some have ulterior motives. I don’t think it would be a bad idea for him to get to know her a little better. I think it’s possible Crystal could break Hef’s heart. They could end up divorcing, and she could take half his money.” Ouch. Sour grapes much?
Having seen Holly Madison’s thousand-yard-stare on The Girls New Door, we assumed something like this might happen. Now apparently Holly Madison confronted Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris about their engagement this week. When she learned that her former flame Hef had popped the question, Holly admitted, “I’m very surprised. I have a lot of different feelings on it. I don’t just feel one way. I kind of didn’t want to put a generic statement out there like ‘Congratulations!’ because I felt everyone would see through that.” Holly and Hef of course parted ways in 2008, after which Madison dated Benji Madden and Criss Angel among others. We can’t imagine Holly’s current boyfriend, All Time Low member Jack Barakat, is super-thrilled that his girl seems to still have feelings for her ex-grandpa boyfriend.
So in a terrible move contemplated by many women and stopped by (almost) an equal number of best friends, Holly met with Hef and Crystal at the Playboy Mansion this week to tell them her feelings on the engagement, aka scream “Why not me?” and throw baby-oil on Hef’s smoking jacket. “I wanted to see him and Crystal and tell everybody face-to-face how I felt,” Madison explained, who filmed the encounter for the new season of her E! show Holly’s World. “I’d describe it as awkward. I just wanted to get my feelings out about the engagement and I wanted to talk to him first. It’s definitely awkward to feel like you’re confronting someone. I’m glad I did it. I wanted to be fair and tell him first.” Let’s hope Holly got the closure she needed. If not, we can tune into her show and see a beautiful woman cry over the love of a mummy. Which would make an amazing title for Hef’s next reality show.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Toni Braxton has a new reality show on the WE Network airing in April called Braxton Family Values. The show follows Toni, her sisters, who are also singers and her mother around for a glimpse into their lives. Sounds wholesome enough, right? Sure! But Toni has another side that she wants to show off that’s a little less wholesome. Well, two sides, actually. On her Twitter page, Braxton writes “New Year, New opportunities. So I have been considering taking up Playboy’s offer to feature me on their cover this year. What you think? Of course it will be tastefully done :-)” She later clarified “They are NOT talking that kind of spread!. . . Just a lil T and A. They have asked me about 3 times before. ” Oh, you know. Just a lil’ T and A. Otherwise known as “everything but front butt.”
That’s still a lot to show in our modest, puritanical opinion, but we also aren’t the type to wear a hanky to the Grammy Awards like she did either. We have to assume she’s considering posing because she filed for bankruptcy a few months ago, accruing a debt somewhere between $10 to 50 million. Thankfully, Toni still looks pretty great. Not so great that we want to see her T and A all over the place, but she needs to dig herself out of that debt somehow.