rnrnEarlier this week, the doddering 84 year-old Viagra addict and certified creep Hugh Hefner got engaged to Crystal Harris, one of his employees who is some 60 years his junior. While many gold diggers wept openly in the streets after realizing that one of the world’s most eligible octogenerian bachelors is no longer on the market, we felt particularly sympathetic for one Holly Madison, Hef’s former #1 girlfriend. After all, not only was she the star of the Girls Next Door — easily his company’s most successful project of the last twenty years — but she also had to frequently let Hef invade her in the holiest of holies.rnrnFor more gross details, read on.rn Read more…
Here’s something that’ll warm you right up regardless of the blizzard outside. There’s no other way to announce this news other than throwing it out there. So here it is… Hugh Hefner is engaged! And no, he’s not marrying his trio of Playmate girlfriends en masse. He’s found the Big L (love? lust?) with just one of his lucky lovlies, Crystal Harris. His soon-to-be third wife also happens to be an ex Playmate at the tender age of 24. Hef’s 84… do the math. Just in case you’re interested, Hef’s first marriage was to Mildred Williams in 1949 and it lasted for a decade. His second trip up the aisle was to Playmate Kimberley Conrad in 1989 and they separated in 1998. Third time lucky?
This isn’t a rumor, either, although it seems like one when you first hear of it. Ã‚Â Hef himself announced the news on his Twitter account. It all started when Hefner tweeted, “When I gave Crystal the ring, she burst into tears. This is the happiest Christmas weekend in memory.” To which the response was… RING? What ring? What the frack’s going on? And Crystal’s reaction probably was… “Santa? Is dat chu?” To clear up all doubts, queries and WTF’s Hefner tweeted an explanation, writing, “Yes, the ring I gave Crystal is an engagement ring. I didn’t mean to make a mystery out of it. A very merry Christmas to all.” Merry Christmas to you, Mr Hefner. And congratulations from all of us, you baller.
Note: We’re holding off on all little blue pill jokes so far, because it’s Christmas and snowy and this time of year brings the best out of us.
If you had told us we would one day think Kendra from The Girls Next Door sounded like a raging feminist, we wouldn’t have believed you. But now that she is officially co-chair of the Hot Mommy Club, Kendra Wilkinson is angry about “mom pants,” and other stereotypes women feel pressured to fulfill once they pop out a baby. Expectations like, wearing a shirt that covers your areolas.
In a clip from her show, Kendra raves “Being a mom and everything, it’s hard. Everyone thinks I need to have a turtleneck shirt on and mom pants and act like a total a society robot … and that’s not me.” We, on the other hand, are really looking forward to a nice roomy pair of mom pants. Just let that waist pant ride up; who cares if our abdomens look gigantic? It’s all about comfort.
Explains Wilkinson, “I woke up and realized: Who am I living my life for? Like, I wanna live my life for me. That’s what I am going through right now. It’s time to see the world in your own eyes, not someone else’s eyes, you know?” And if Kendra’s eyes want to see her wearing a teeny tiny bikini while on a ski slope on the lastest cover of Playboy, then by god that’s what they’re going to see! And if everyone else’s eyes get to see that too? So much the better.
Call off the National Guard, you guys. The emergency is over. Kendra Wilkinson’s husband Hank Baskett successfully dissuaded the former Girls Next Door star and Hugh Hefner lady friend from posing in Playboy “for the wrong reasons.” We’re sure you’ll be sleeping soundly tonight knowing that crisis was averted.
Rumors sprung up earlier today alleging that Kendra wouldn’t be stripping down due to lingering baby weight. That claim seemed fairly dubious considering that based on a bikini pic Kendra tweeted this summer, girl weights about as much as a hummingbird…who happens to have giant breast implants. Instead, it turns out hubbie Hank was the one who pulled the plug on Wilkinson pulling off her drawers, after walking in on her getting a few test photos taken.
“He didn’t yell at me,” explained Kendra. “He wasn’t mad at me for doing that photo shoot. He actually sat down with me and he went over the reasons of doing it. And you know, my reasons weren’t right. I wanted to do Playboy for the wrong reasons. The wrong reasons are to prove people wrong, not to prove it to myself but to people and to put my middle finger up to everybody and be like, ‘I’m going to do Playboy!’ But that wasn’t the right reason, you know?” We would have to politely disagree, Kendra! Vengeance nudity the best kind of nudity (See also: Janet Jackson)! What’s the point of busting your buns to be a hot mom if you can’t silence the haters with a quick trou-dropping? If Kendra wants to take it all off, that’s between her, God, and the millions of red-blooded Americans that will be looking at her naked. Besides, what’s even the right reason to pose nude? Money? Oh wait…it’s money, isn’t it? [Photo: Getty Images]
In a rare glimpse of a talk show host being literally struck speechless, Oprah Winfrey was shocked, shocked by talk of Jenny McCarthy’s unruly bikini line on her show yesterday. Winfrey’s jaw practically dropped onto the sound stage as McCarthy shared TMI times ten about showing up to her first Playboy shoot au naturale.
Jenny all but used hand puppets to explain how, “All of a sudden I hear WOAH, WOAH! And I said is there anything on it? What’s wrong?” It took a kindly makeup artist to explain to Jenny, “They said they never saw anyone as hairy as you in their entire life!”. The same stylist then joked about the brush she had used to comb out McCarthy’s lady bits, saying, “I guess I’m not using this one again!” Pardon us while we die, forever.
If we were Oprah, who finishes her show’s final season next year, we would have made Gayle King fetch us a lavender eye pillow, shut off all the lights in the studio and made everyone go home after that story. That woman is too rich and too famous to deal with celebrities’ huge vintage bushes. She’s basically making John Travolta fly 300 people to Australia, for pete’s sake! She doesn’t need to hear about anybody’s Muppet-looking lap mop.
Thanks a lot, Tiger Woods. The golfing creeper has once again gone and ruined EVERYTHING (er, we’re exaggerating a bit, but still) but stopping ex-mistress Rachel Uchitel‘s planned Playboy spread. First the guy shatters the illusion that all pro-athletes are G-rated family men and now he’s ruining the fantasies of guys with club promoter fetishes. How rude.
Tiger supposedly but the kibosh on Rachel’s T&A pics by threatening to end the multi-million dollar settlement he currently forks over to her. She was set to make around $300,000 from the photos, so really that’s like comparing diamonds to gravel, in money-gemology terms. The mag apparently wanted Rachel to discuss her relationship with Tiger, who got his lawyers all over that situation faster than you can say Elin Nordegren.
Says a completely trustworthy anonymous source, “The magazine wanted to mention Rachel’s relationship with Tiger, but it would have jeopardized the deal she already made with him. They refused to give her complete control of the cover so she could make sure Tiger wasn’t mentioned.”
So there you have it people! Further proof that Tiger Woods loves ruining everything for everyone. At least VH1 is here to help – you can watch Rachel on Celebrity Rehab starting October 13.
There are some “reality” stars that Ã‚Â have clearly spent way too much time trying to stay famous and will do anything to remain in the public eye. (Oh, hello Vienna Girardi, I didn’t see you there.) The worst of the lot, in our opinion, would have to be the Salahis. They’ve parlayed their White House party crashing incident into a spot on The Real Housewives of D.C., and PR fight with Whoopi Goldberg and now, probably most horrifying of all, a fully nude spread in Playboy magazine.
Of course, not Tareq Salahi. He’s not invited to this party (not that that would stop him), Playboy will just be featuring his wife Michaele Salahi in what TMZ calls “full-frontal, birthday suit naked.” Shudder. And not shudder because she’s unattractive or anything, just shudder at the idea of giving this woman any more over-exposure, which she clearly seeks. It worries us that the “crazy one” on the Real Housewives keeps on getting crazier – makes us worry what’s going to happen on the Beverly Hills installment: there’s going to have to be some serious one-upmanship going on to join the Kelly-Danielle-Michaele club.
Spencer Pratt has been the target of a fair amount of vitriol over Twitter recently. Well, more than the usual amount that comes his way. His soon-to-be ex wife, Heidi Montag tweeted an eloquent, “F U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” to him, thanks to the sex tape he’s apparently trying to sell of her and Karissa Shannon. They playmate was far more upfront about her feelings for Mr. Pratt, tweeting, “F**K YOU!!!!”
Spencer isn’t bothered one bit, tweeting Heidi right back with “Seriously? You’re going to start sh*t on twitter?” Uh, first: pot, meet kettle. Second: Spencer is threatening to release a Speidi sex-tape. So, yes, the proverbial sh*t’s going to hit the roof.
As Spencer boasted on Twitter, he, “Promises you the Citizen Kane of sex tapes. Honestly, Orson Wells makes a guest appearance.” This monumental tape apparently has Heidi before and after plastic surgery, writhing away for your viewing pleasure (ewww).
Now, you’re probably asking yourself why Karissa is getting her panties in a twist? It’s because her panties are also involved. Spencer claims he’s found another sex tape featuring Heidi and Karissa getting down. Miss Montag…you DO get around. The playmate can breathe for a few and call off her lawyers because Vivid is rumored to be more interested in the Speidi sex tapes, not so much the girl-on-girl. On another note: that’s quite a diss!
There’s a reason behind Spencer’s evil machinations, apart from him being, well, evil. The first is that Spencer has porn-star ambitions; “I am a wild sexual freak and I love sex”, he says. (We can’t believe we just typed out those words.) The second is that he seems to be using the tape(s) as leverage to convince Heidi to do another reality show with him.
The operative word here is blackmail. BUT. This is Heidi and Spencer, people. We reckon there’s more to this than meets the eye.
[Photo: Getty Images]
In an interview with Hugh Hefner about the new documentary Hugh Hefner: Playboy, Activist and Rebel, the titular Playboy founder is quoted saying, “The notion that Playboy turns women into sex objects is ridiculous. Women are sex objects. If women weren’t sex objects, there wouldn’t be another generation.” How sweet!
While the documentary focuses on Hef’s role as sexual entrepreneur in the ’60s, most of us know him as the somewhat doddering 84-yr-old nudie mag tycoon who patiently dealt with the exploits of his alarmingly much younger girlfriends in The Girls Next Door. But what about the very, very many lady-objects that have passed in and out of Hugh’s life? Don’t they deserve a documentary too, possibly directed by Ken Burns? We might not have the budget for that (yet), but until then enjoy a trip down Hugh’s memory lane (while he still has one) as we revisit some of the most beautiful women who ever took a peek under Hef’s robe.
How much do we love Michael Cera? From Arrested Development to Juno and our favorite, Superbad, the nerdy-hipster boy wonder can do no wrong. His latest Playboy article made us fall in love with him a tad more. We’re preparing to watch him in his new film Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (which also stars Anna Kendrick) which he describes as, “I would say this movie is both a nerd and a nonnerd’s dream come true. For the nerds there are lots of Nintendo references and sound effects, and the nonnerds will enjoy making fun of all the nerds in the theater exploding with joy and afterward will possibly beat them all up.”
The actor spoke about his infamous “Guido makeover” by Pauly D from the Jersey Shore cast.“Actually, it was one of the most pleasant days I’ve had in a long time.” he said of his hair-gelling experience, adding, “We got drunk and laughed and danced and got in a hot tub and ate pizza. It was sort of like my eighth birthday party.” When asked about the worst pick-up line he’s ever used he deadpanned, “Hey, lady, those are some sexy-a** extensions. I guess you won’t mind if I extend to you a personal invitation to party with me one-on-one in a scary motel room.”
It got even better when he spoke about losing his virginity. Cera related, “To be honest I don’t remember too much about it. All I remember is I had been awake for almost 86 hours, I was on the roof of a Public Storage building in what seemed to be a freezing rainstorm, and Crispin Glover was there with a disposable camera he kept winding even though it had clearly run out of exposures. My memory of it has fogged as time has gone by, and I’ve pushed it out of my mind, though I do seem to remember something about a plastic Academy Award for best grandson being involved. You might say it was my first brush with the finer side of show business.” He kept a straight face through out. Ok we know, he might come off as too clever-by-half. Look at it like this, he isn’t as annoying as the other hipster lot who are just, plain,well, annoying. As Cera fans, we’re lapping it up!
[Photo: Getty Images]