Rihanna threw herself a pity party on The Jonathan Ross Show this week over her unbearable singleness, but how can this woman be unattached when she looks this dirty fabulous on her new Italian Battleshipposter? Even with those tattoos? It defies all logic! “Single life is so overrated,” RiRi sighed on the British talk show. “It sucks. I have such incredible experiences in my life. You don’t want to live your life and then meet someone. You want to share your life with someone. That’s what I’m missing right now.” Look, we love sexy Rihanna and hipster Rihanna as much as anyone else. But tatted-up, alien-fighting Rihanna? The idea that this image can exist in the world and RiRi not have engagement rings stacked on every finger is baffling to us.
Rihanna‘s complaints also suggest to us that rumors about a Rihanna/Chris Brown reunion have been greatly exaggerated. As does her level of Adele obsession, which based on our experience, suggests she is days away from creating an OkCupid profile. “Her last album, 21, spoke to me so much,” Rihanna said of the British songstress. “It was so personal to her, but I feel like everyone in the world identified with it, to the point that I had to stop listening because it was depressing me so much. If you identify with it, sometimes you don’t want to hear about it.” Do you want to hear about how fierce you looking holding a machine gun instead, RiRi? Because that’s what we want to talk about. And we have got all day.
Sadly, The Artist star Jean Dujardin is not asking where you want these spare mannequin parts. Instead, the Oscars Best Actor nominee is in fact advertising his new French sex comedy Les Infideles, though we guess writing “French” and “sex comedy” is kind of redundant. Dujardin and the film’s creators are currently receiving a lot of criticism for the ad campaign’s depiction of women. Or, you know, one woman’s lower torso.
“We already feel that this campaign is against the rules … even if it relates to the subject of the film, a comedy about adultery,” France’s advertising watchdog told French paper Le Parisien. “As a preventative measure, we’ve already counseled JC Decaux, who are in charge of the billboards, to take them down.” The spots will allegedly go down on Friday, but let’s be real. This isn’t the first time filmmakers have used sex to get people interested in their movies. In fact, take a minute and enjoy some of our favorite filthy movie posters, including that graphic Hungarian poster for Michael Fassbender‘s Shame. At least Jean didn’t take it there. Yet.
What To Expect When You’re Expecting hyped its leading ladies and their respective prosthetic bellies today in a new series of character posters. We were just wondering why it isn’t acceptable to clutch your abdomen in public (sometimes you just need a clutch!) when it struck us: All these actresses with bulging bellies, including the lovely Anna Kendrick and Elizabeth Banks, look a lot like us … after a gigantic, delicious meal. One that featured chili, perhaps? A hearty stew? A platter of assorted fudge?
Either way, everyone enjoys having something in their bellies, whether it’s a tiny human or a personal pan pizza. The movie is coming out May 11, so they’ve probably settled on a final script, but we couldn’t help but fantasize about what our poster taglines would say if we could fiddle with the film’s premise. And if we were really, really, really hungry:
Jennifer Lawrence is just killing it here, isn’t she? What teenage girl doesn’t want the determination and upper arm strength needed to fire a arrow directly into our faces? We wouldn’t even flinch, that’s how much we love the newest Hunger Games poster from Lionsgate. We would probably have to be rushed to the hospital though. The main similarity between the Hunger Games character posters and this latest one? Flawless skin, aka the other thing every teenage girl wants. We’re positive die-hard Hunger Games fan Elizabeth Banks is beyond squeeing right now…
Well, no one’s on fire and no one is being stung by tracker jackers, but we’re sure Hunger Games fans are buzzing with excitement about the eight new posters showcasing the eight main characters. After you’ve calmed yourselves down a bit, let’s take another look at these profiles:
Katniss (debuted on Yahoo! Movies): She looks a bit softer than I picture the tough District 12 tribute — like the camera caught her thinking about her mother and Prim back home. But there’s still something to the set of her jaw that hints at her unfailing strength. Also, very subtle how they made Katniss face to the right while all the others face to the left.
Peeta: As our friend Amy at Hollywood Crush (where this poster debuted) says, “Peeta appears determined and yet somehow vulnerable, all at the same time. (Not to mention he looks so young, right?!)” He certainly doesn’t look like a kid who’s ever fought for his own survival, like Katniss has.
We love, love, love Oscar Bait Leo DiCaprio. Seeing him transform into the angry, beefy director of the FBI in the new J. Edgar poster is in the exact same vein as watching Leo slowly slip off a board into the freezing Atlantic, or invade a businessman’s dreams. Speaking of (bulging) veins, the movie’s tagline could easily be changed from “The Most Powerful Man in the World” to “The Most Intense Forehead Crease of all Time.” Sure, maybe the gigantic scary face isn’t making the film’s Armie Hammer kissing scene sound that tempting, but we all know the Academy will still like it. And, well, also us. If things don’t work out, there’s always Leo’s turn as Jay Gatsby in The Great Gatsbynext year. If he doesn’t take home a statuette for one of those, he’s going to pull a Nic Cage and just give up.
Entertainment Weekly has the latest Breaking Dawn Part 1 posters and we are happy to report that they are just hot, and wolf-filled, enough to make us temporally stop dry heaving over that upcoming Breaking Dawn birth scene. We don’t want to see an alien-looking Kristen Stewart giving birth to a monster slime baby via fang C-section! We don’t wanna! Well, okay, we do wanna see that and we will see that, but before then we need a heavy dose of sexiness to balance it all out. Luckily these posters represent the the Twilight Saga we know and love it: smoldering with almost kisses, glowing with sunsets, and watched over by a pack of ravenous badass wolves, who just happen to be chillin’ in the forest.
Come July 2012, the citizens of Gotham are probably going to want to visit relatives in Florida. Maybe take the whole month of August off and rent a beach house. Whatever they do, The Dark Knight teaser poster, featured on The Dark Knight Rises website, suggests that it’s going to be a cruel summer for the residents of Batman’s home town. On the other hand, the worse things are for them, the better and creepier it is for us the audience.
Not that we should be surpassed by this glimpse of the cataclysmic destruction in store. The Dark Knight teaser videos are equally disturbing, what with the terrifying chanting and so on, while the photo of Tom Hardy’s Bane suggests that director Christopher Nolan knows he has to go big or go home after Heath Ledger‘s amazing turn as the Joker. Seeing as how his brand of destruction was primarily ferry and/or hospital-related, here’s hoping everyone in the greater Gotham area uses their summer Fridays to get out of town. As for us, we’ll just have to use ours to get the satisfaction of knowing we didn’t waste our $12.50 on any old sub-par sequel.
Audiences seeingPirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tidesthis weekend though they were just seeing a trailer for new film Green With Envy, a darling new rom-com starring that charming Amy Adams and that adorable Jason Segel and oh my god, it’s Gonzo ripping his shirt off to reveal the bedazzled hot pink number underneath. The Muppets trailer only offered a tiny sneak peak of the actual fuzzy stars, but all of the elements seem to be in place: Miss Piggy slamming her head onto a desk in frustration in front of a plate of donuts, a gigantic musical number in the middle of the street, Sweetums and, of course, very expensive-looking explosions. Even the announcer’s hesitancy when saying “…the Frog” is classic Muppet-y good times. Can we please start sneaking the Muppets into every romantic comedy? It might have made Something Borrowed worth suffering through to know the Swedish Chef would be making a cameo.
If the Hangover Part II trailer didn’t give you enough of a sense of what the sequel, opening May 26, will be like, the new Hangover Part II character posters really convey the grimy, panicky good times in store for the Wolfpack. In the promo ads, Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Justin Bartha, Ken Jeong and Zach Galifiankis are joined by the film’s break-out star, an adorable monkey in a jean vest. Add to these photos the fact that director Todd Phillips commissioned an original Hangover Part II song from Glenn Danzig, plus the news that The Notebook director Nick Cassavetes is replacing Liam Neeson in the role of a grody tattoo artist, and we’re counting on the movie being one filthy, nearly hallucinatory good time.