Real Housewives of DC

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Journey Guitarist Sends Tareq Salahi Taunting Penis Pics

There’s so much to this whole ridiculous Salahi-Journey incident that it reads like the best episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm that you’ve ever seen. It’s complex, but darkly hilarious and inherently perfect. So please indulge us for a moment while we unpack it all for you and savor each and every detail. Maybe -just maybe- it’ll make you believe in karma. It’s the law of the universe: if you do something stupid like crash a White House party, a stadium rocker should send you obscene pictures.

As we told you earlier in the week, Tareq Salahi grew concerned when his wife Michaele didn’t return from a hair appointment, and became convinced that she had been kidnapped. It turns out she wasn’t kidnapped, but instead having a torrid affair with Journey guitarist, Neal Schon. Tareq was also friends with Neal, and had even filmed the rock star giving his wife a peck on the cheek over Labor Day weekend. So he understandably feels betrayed, and sought consolation from that big cuddly wad of compassion, Michael Lohan, who could never miss an opportunity to get back on TMZ.

Now Tareq has resolved to divorce his Real Housewife Of DC, but not before taking another humiliating slam at the hands of Neal Schon. In the most gorgeous display of immaturity we’ve ever seen, the Journey front-man tauntingly emailed Tareq pictures of his penis. Not only that, but he also revoked Tareq’s backstage passes to all Journey shows, banning him gigs with a series of posters at each venue! Tareq probably isn’t gonna feel the urge to rock out to ‘Don’t Stop Believing’  live anytime soon, but still. Never in the course of human history has a man be so completely and thoroughly pwned. The only way for Tareq to get the last laugh is if this whole thing is fake. In which case we say: thanks for the laughs Salahi’s! We never stopped believin’!

[Photo: Getty Images]

 

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Tareq Salahi Claims Wife Michaele Has Been Kidnapped

The Salahi’s are obviously unfamiliar with the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf. The Real Housewives of DC stars have made names for themselves through absurd publicity stunts, mostly famously crashing a party at the White House in 2009. So now that Tareq Salahi is claiming that his wife Michaele has been kidnapped, forgive us for being a little skeptical. He tells TMZ that he last saw Michaele yesterday morning as she was leaving to get her hair done. Apparently she never made the appointment, and has yet to return.

But the story gets even weirder, as Tareq says he got a call from his wife last night saying that she was visiting her mother’s nearby Virginia home. Yet she allegedly made the call from a strange Oregon number, and her mother-in-law denied that she had spoken to Michaele. Tareq is certain that his wife has been abducted, saying that they have been the target of death threats in the past! The worried husband put in a call to the Warren County Sheriff’s office, who told him that Michaele had already checked in with them and claims to be safe and merely dealing with “family issues.”

But Tareq is far from satisfied. In fact he’s furious with the sheriff’s lack of action, and is convinced that his wife’s captors are forcing her to make calls saying that she is safe. He has since issued a press release saying, “We are asking the public to please be on the look out for her, and if found please contact the authorities.” What do you think of this weird tale? Is it simple family drama, PR mischief, or is Michaele in real danger?

[Photo: Getty Images]