reality TV

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Roseanne Is Getting A New Reality Show

It’s been a while since Roseanne Barr has been on television with her own series—fourteen years, to be exact—but the “domestic goddess” is back. The Lifetime Network has given Barr a half-hour reality show that shows off her life as the owner of a nut farm. Seriously.

Barr owns a macadamia nut farm in Hawaii, and the new show will follow her as she runs the farm along with her son Jake and her boyfriend, Johnny Argent. In a hokey press release, the comedian said “I’m coming back down to earth, and keeping it real.  They’ve said ‘Roseanne’s nuts’ for years, and now I’m going to make that a reality—I’m all about nuts now, macadamia nuts!” From that, we can only assume that this show will either be the most awesome thing ever, or the worst reality show since The Hasselhoffs got pulled off the air.

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Antoine Dodson: The Next Big Reality Star?

Get your kids, your wife and/or your husband out of hiding, because it’s official: Antoine Dodson has his own reality show. Dodson, of Bedroom Intruder fame, will star in a program focused on his move from Alabama to West Hollywood and, we’re hoping, Antoine’s music career. We could not be more into this if every episode was Autotuned, though we wouldn’t complain if they are!

Dodson is currently in the process of shooting the pilot, produced by Entertainment One. Actress Kali Hawk from Get Him To The Greek and the upcoming Bridesmaids with Kristen Wiig will serve as executive producer, confirming what we always knew: Kali Hawk is a total genius. Apparently the show has yet to be named. Might we suggest Run And Tell That? Either way, one thing is clear: if you don’t watch this show, you are so dumb. FOR REAL.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

by (@hallekiefer)

Snooki And JWoww Land Themselves A Spin-Off!

In news that makes us want to beat up the beat, Snooki and JWoww are getting their own spin-off. According to a source, Nicole Polizzi and Jenni Farley will be in Long Island filming the pilot this weekend. Look, it’s not that we don’t love the other Jersey girls and boys. It’s just that we love Snooki and JWoww so much more. The show reportedly doesn’t have a particular hook other than Nicole and Jenni’s amazing personalities. The title might not be Snookin’ For Love, but we all know that’s exactly what they’ll be doing.

The girls join Pauly D in furthering their careers with more reality TV, despite the fact that their time at the shore has opened up a variety of outlets for their particular brand of awesome. Snooki’s about six months and a couple million dollars away from a media empire now that her novel A Shore Thing is a New York Times best-seller, while JWoww’s artistic abilities as an undergrad have recently come to light. These ladies are shaping up to be a regular Oprah and Gayle, but with slightly more weave-pulling and faceplants.

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Sammi And Ronnie, Our Generation’s Hepburn And Tracy, Break Up

Theirs was a love played out for an audience over three seasons, but alas, it is no more. Jersey Shore‘s Sammi “Sweetheart” Giancola and Ronnie Ortiz-Magro have broken up. How do we know? Why, it’s all on Facebook, clear as day.

Seems Sammi has unfriended Ronnie’s friends or, as Entertainment Tonight hilariously calls them, “Ronnie’s associates“  on Facebook, which is clearly a bad sign. The couple has been off-and-on but this seems to be the last straw. While the cheating and three-way kissing may have had an affect on their longevity, we tend to think that maybe they were just too violent for each other, what with Sammi beating up a lady in Miami and Ronnie getting  charged with assault that time during season one.  We’re sure we’ll see the destructive duo dissolve on-air now that the new season is here!

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Kardashian Empire Expands As Khloe And Lamar Get A Spin-Off

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Kardashian lovers rejoice, Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom are now a spinoff! It was confirmed today that the couple will star in their own show, tentatively titled Khloe & Lamar. Just one more show about Kardashians to keep up with, right guys?

As with all other family ventures, momager Kris Jenner will act as executive producer, as will Ryan Seacrest.  Khlomar has honestly exceeded our expectations as a couple, staying together for over one whole year and making their decision to get couples-tattoos miraculously un-regrettable thus far. Hopefully having their own show won’t be their downfall! No doubt Khloe wanted additional screen time since the spin-off featuring her sisters, Kourtney & Kim Take New York, debuts this month.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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I Can’t Haz Cheezburger: Hasselhoff Reality Show Pulled After Two Episodes

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This is depressing: David Hasselhoff‘s reality show has been pulled from the A&E schedule after the first two episodes received poor ratings. The second episode only had about a half million viewers—we’re willing to bet that more people have seen Hasselhoff’s drunk cheeseburger video, sadly. Guess those pics of Hoff standing next to KITT as Captain Hook came too late to save it.

The show, simply titled The Hasselhoffs, featured the actor and his two daughters Hayley and Taylor-Ann as David struggles to balance work, single-fatherhood, and his daughters’ quest for fame as they start their own group called Bella Vida. Maybe the Hoff needs a lesson from Kris Kardashian in how to maintain the balance between reality stardom and being a mom-ager—she is clearly doing something right. There are still eight episodes that have yet to air, we can only hope that A&E decides to run a Very Hasselhoff New Year’s Marathon so the world can experience them all.

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@missmuttoo)

Pamela Anderson, India’s Latest Television Star

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Why is Pamela Anderson being grabbed by a polyester-clad, dispeptic-looking man? Unhand her, sir! That was our first reaction (our second was, watch your hands, dude). But then we found out that Mr Dispepto was probably just trying to protect a mobbed Pamela at Mumbai aiport as she landed in India. Seems Pamela is now part of the cast of the Indian version of Big Brother, called Bigg Boss. We’re just going to repeat this: Pamela Anderson is starring in an Indian television show. Where everyone’s instructed to speak in the national language, Hindi. Which Pamela doesn’t speak.

Altogether now: What.the.Frack?

Apparently Pamela delighted and amazed the Bigg Boss housemates (all Indian actors, actresses and politicians) by turning up dressed in a white sari and a sari blouse that could pass off as a bra. They’ll have to soak in as much of Pammy’s “stardom” as they can because she’s only going to be in the house till Friday. She’ll then jet back to her “normal” life where nobody cares.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

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Is There A Jennifer Aniston Reality Show In The Works?

Is the world’s loneliest spinster with the best set of highlights getting her own reality show? Possibly! It’s rumored that Jennifer Aniston has been approached to do a reality show by the people who brought you The Hills and Jersey Shore. And if anyone knows how to show off a person’s good side, it’s them, right?

A source explains that Aniston is mulling over the idea of a show but she wants to have control over the image she projects. (And for the record, we don’t think she’s actually the world’s loneliest spinster, she’s actually kind of living the dream by hanging out with her friends, eating Mexican food every damn day and dating random hot guys well into her 40s. Ain’t no shame in any of that.) However, the source says “It’s just about coming up with the right show that doesn’t make her look foolish.” Hey, reality TV is not just the domain of D-listers anymore and we’re sure that the world would LOVE to watch Aniston chilling with Courteney Cox, whining about men, and changing her hairstyle every so often, but that all seems strangely familiar…because we already watched that for ten seasons on Friends.


by (@katespencer)

The Worst Moment In Reality TV, Ever

Oh.My.God. The finale of Australia’s Next Top Model aired live today and the host, Sarah Murdoch, announced the runner-up as the winner after being given the wrong info via her headset. Poor Kelsey Martinovich was all but finished with her acceptance speech when Sarah awkwardly interrupted her to break the news to her and the real winner, Amanda Ware. Both women were extraordinarily gracious about the whole debacle, which way more impressive than winning some dumb reality show that has never done anything for anyone, really.

One person surely not smizing as we type this is the overworked production person who screwed up the results. We’re expecting a Category 5 Tyra Banks meltdown to beat down on that poor soul’s behind. “I have never in my life yelled at a girl like this!” Ugh, we shudder at the thought.

[via Urlesque]

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It’s A Bad Day For Crazy Reality Families

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Sure, in our line of work we have an innate love for entertainment, celebrity train wrecks and crazy gossip, but we draw the line of enjoyment at certain reality shows. We’ve been maintaining a personal boycott of The Real Housewives of D.C. because we refuse to pay the Salahis any more attention than we already have, and admittedly, The Hills got to be too much for us when Spencer and Heidi started to get super-nutballs. So with a certain amount of schadenfreude, but mostly just disgust, we’re here to tell you about two reality television families that are having a really bad day.

First, there’s the completely unsurprising news that the Raising Sextuplets parents, Bryan and Jenny Masche are separating. This comes just days after Bryan Masche was arrested for a domestic dispute with his wife. At least they didn’t pull a Jon and Kate by renewing their vows just before deciding they hate each other after all. But seriously, no one is surprised at this and it’s just another sad reminder that the spotlight will do awful things to a family. Oh, hey, that leads right into…

The fact that the family at the center of the new TLC show Sister Wives is also being investigated by the police. Kody Brown, husband to four different women (who are all aware of each other and happy about it!) is under investigation for felony bigamy in his home state of Utah. The Browns’ show premiered just this week, but with the exposure that a show like this brings also comes scrutiny and people who are just a wee bit suspicious, on account of it being illegal and all. Brown and his obedient Big Love crew have thirteen children and hilariously, as People magazine explains,” struggles to keep his unorthodox family life a secret from the outside world”. Sorry Kody Brown, but please explain how being on a reality show will help you there. We’re all ears.

What a day. It’s not even noon and we’re so grossed out by all these people. All we need right now is a Little Chocolatier to bake us some delicious treats, and some Ron-Ron juice to make it all go away.

[Photo: Getty Images]